Getting Out of a Pop Quiz: The Best and Worse Excuses

You know the feeling: the moment of sinking dread when your teacher walks in, smiling maniacally and carrying a stack of papers much too big for a typical class. It can only mean one thing: pop quiz.

And of course, you're having a bad day. Maybe you didn't eat breakfast, or you missed the bus, or you didn't get much sleep. Whatever the situation, your synapses are short-circuiting, you can't even remember what this class is about, and the only thing going through your head is the Sesame Street theme song. You have two choices: use what remains of your brainpower to try to put a few answers together, or use your remaining ingenuity to get the heck out of there!

If you choose the former, well, good luck. If you choose the latter, read on...

Excuse #1: The Appointment
Worst: "I have to go to the dentist." This just sounds fake. Even if it's actually true, when you say "dentist," your teacher hears "beach."
Best: "I have to go to the proctologist." No further questions will be asked.

Excuse #2: The Emergency
Worst: "I left the oven on!" This only works when you're 30 and trying to get out of a speeding ticket. (Remember it for when that time comes.)
Best: "I left my dog switched on and he ate my mom!" Best followed by immediate exit from the classroom. Your teacher's retinas will have momentarily detached from confusion, and s/he won't see you go.

Excuse #3: The Mysterious Injury
Worst: Headbutt your desk to make your nose bleed. This is very effective, but will kind of ruin your day. Reconstructive surgery is so expensive.
Best: Crack open your red pen and smear it on your face. Or, to really freak everyone out, use purple.

Excuse #4: The Swoon
Worst: Hold your breath until you pass out. This is NOT a good idea. For one thing, it takes a lot longer than you'd think. Also, you'll find it very hard to aim, and will probably crack your head on your crush's left kneecap. Ruining his chances of winning the Three-Legged Race Championships he's been training for will not make him like you.
Best: With imminent test failure as your motivation, use your exceptional acting skills and collapse gracefully backwards onto a nice soft backpack.

Excuse #5: The Illness
Worst: Actually being sick. If you are that committed to getting out of any and all pop quizzes ever, carrying around an old sushi roll and scarfing it down at the first sign of a quiz will certainly be effective, but being hospitalized for salmonella poisoning won't be a fun way to spend your free period.
Best: Play it up. Groan loudly. Stagger a bit, clutching your stomach. Sweat, if possible. Mumble vaguely about "that damn taco... I knew lettuce wasn't supposed to be that color..." Then seize someone's bag, stick your head in it and make loud puking noises. Hurry out of class while everyone's still busy being disgusted.

And if all else fails... just do what this kid did.

Have you ever tried to get out of a pop quiz? What did you do?

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