Because the people of the world are fickle wafflers who can't make up their minds, the general public is constantly on the lookout for the next big thing. Like, right now, everyone loves shapeshifting werewolves with six-pack abs and emotionally abusive vampires who glitter like disco princesses in the sunlight, but this fascination can't last forever. Before vampires, it was zombies. Before zombies, it was wizards. And before wizards... well, you get the idea. (And if you keep tracing backward, eventually you'll stumble across some of the most truly peculiar and regrettable moments in the history of the world. Like, say, this.)
But we're not dwelling on the terrifying past today! Ohhhh no! Because it's much more important that we look to the future and try to predict what the next big thing will be when the tides of fangirl love begin to turn and Edward Cullen finally falls out of favor. What will become the new national obsession once the vampires have left the building? We're putting our money on the following:
Amphibious humans and/or mermaids. Need a new supernatural being to lust after? How about one that breathes underwater? Scaly fish-people are just as awesome and sexy as a dude who drinks blood, except they're better, because your neighborhood merman won't have a pile of dessicated, dried-out squirrels under his bed.
Toilet-dwelling elves. The Twilight series proved that for something to become the object of widespread obsession, it must be a) slightly creepy, and b) able to sneak into your bedroom at night to watch you sleep. So obviously, elves that live in your toilet fit the bill in all the important ways.
Giant spiders. After so many years of the love-stricken undead, we could use something completely different. And America already loves a spandex-wearing dude with spider-like attributes; getting people to go gaga over actual spiders should be easy, right? (Wrong.) Plus there's so much potential for cheesy television series based on spider-related imagery—just imagine the potential mass appeal of drama-filled sitcoms like "Web of Death," or "Eight-Legged Love Affair"!
Satyrs. This is an obvious next step for a public that loves werewolves and shapeshifters—all the fun of a human-animal hybrid, without any need for computer-generated morphing! Plus, satyrs represent a "safe" choice for the parents of crush-susceptible teenage girls, because while they're technically dudes, all their sex organs are safely stowed away in the untouchable Goat Zone.
People covered in ham. Weird? Well, yes. But let's face it, we've pretty much exhausted all the usual supernatural human afflictions—vampires, zombies, werewolves, telepathic mutants, etc. A race of human beings covered in thinly-sliced layers of delicious, honey-baked ham is ALL THAT'S LEFT.
What do you think will be the next big craze in pop culture?
Related post: Obsessed with Obsessions
Topics: Life
Tags: werewolves, zombies, popularity, fangirls, obsessions, wizards
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