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How To Bounce Back When Someone Hurts Your Feelings

How To Bounce Back When Someone Hurts Your Feelings

By Jon_Skindzier

So you're walking down the hall, minding your own business, and some random person is all, "Ha ha, nice face, dude!" and you flush with embarrassment. Or perhaps you're waiting at the bus stop with your Biology presentation, which you worked super hard on, and someone tells you your giant DNA molecule is a nerd molecule, and you flush with embarrassment. Or maybe your friend implies you're fat. Whatever. What do you do next? Hint: Do not flush with embarrassment. Do these things instead.

1.) Move on. Quickly.
Ouch, you're stung! Do the usual post-trauma check for injuries. Did the insult break the skin? Is your spleen okay? Where even is the spleen? Is it important? Wait, never mind, this is not the point. Your spleen is fine, because absolutely nothing just happened. Some living creature made mouth-noises you didn't like. That's it. If a bear yelled at you at the zoo, would you lose sleep over it?

Besides, you're in high school. You barely have time to blink between reading David Copperfield and trying to figure out what on Earth an imaginary number is. If you keep that up, like you're supposed to, instead of worrying about how someone made fun of your socks, you will be happier. Says who, you ask? How about scientists, that's who.
Clarification: Don't literally move on quickly, like by sprinting down the hall in the opposite direction, because you're just going to plow into some poor guy who has no idea what's going on, and the cycle of embarrassment will start all over again.

2.) Remain calm.
You'll probably react to hurt feelings in one of three ways, so basic that they can be expressed in emoticons:

The problem is that jerks are usually looking for these reactions, especially >:(. It's all part of the game they play, The Being A Jerk Game, and getting all mad about it means you're playing right along with them. If you play their game, the only way they can lose is if you beat them into unconsciousness and then go to prison, in which case you kind of both lose.
Clarification: Don't remain too calm, because after a while that just gets creepy.

3.) Don't make yourself a target.
What's the actual cause of your hurt feelings? If someone was like "Hey, Short-Arms! You have short arms!" well then there's not a lot you can do about that, so screw it. But if you haven't showered in two weeks because you didn't feel like it, and someone calls you Stinky McOdorous, then maybe it's because you stink. Individuality and self-expression are awesome things, but there is a line you can cross, and you should expect some resistance if you're, say, wearing vampire fangs to school.
Clarification: Don't take this too far and eliminate your personality entirely. Nobody is going to rush to be friends with Bland-O, the Super-Generic Man.

4.) Put yourself in the ridiculer's position.
If this were Star Wars, the Jedi would tell us that hating your aggressor leads to the Dark Side, and will eventually turn you into some kid of space mummy. Of course, it's not Star Wars, but Jesus basically said the same thing, and who could be more wise than a combination of Yoda and Jesus?

Maybe whoever hurt your feelings is just a jerkhole who is a jerk misunderstood. Maybe you can prove yourself to be the better person by remaining nice, when every impulse tells you to leave a bag of poop in his locker. This is challenging, but it will make you feel so good about yourself that the whole experience will be worth it.
Clarification: In case you just skipped to the end, don't literally put yourself in the ridiculer's position, like by shoving some guy in the hallway and being all "Way to drop your books, Failure Jones!" We've covered this. It will make you evil and gross.

How do you cope when someone hurts your feelings? Do you use any of these tactics?

Related Post: Auntie SparkNotes: Taking a Dump on Human Decency

Topics: Life
Tags: horrible things, bullies, mean people, feelings

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