Why Is Green Pen Illegal?

Are you allowed to write in green pen at your school? We thought not. After asking some kids at the bus stop conducting extensive research, we have concluded that no high-schooler IN THE WORLD is allowed to write in green pen. Something terrible must happen if you do—it's the only logical explanation. We've made up some reasons conducted more extensive research and found out what makes green the forbidden color:

• Teachers are color blind. If you write in green pen, they think it's red, and feel that you're threatening their authority.

• Green ink is made from leprechauns, and is therefore thrice as expensive as blue ink (which is made from bluebirds).

• Writing in green summons the ghosts of Math teachers past... and no one wants them around, they're such dorks.

• If the demand for green pen became too high, there wouldn't be enough green left in the world for all the traffic lights, causing dreadful traffic jams in all major cities.

• Green is a calm, peaceful color. Your teachers are worried it will make you fall asleep in class.

• Writing in green pen may seem harmless, but it's a slippery slope from there to jaywalking, and eating after 8 p.m. If you get in too far you may find yourself making paper planes out of paper in your personal planner, and not flossing regularly.

• Green ink is easier to see from outer space. You don't want aliens reading your English essay do you?!

• You know that weird kid who never takes off his gloves and always has a note to get out of P.E.? He's actually a government-issued robot spy, planted at your school to keep an eye on what the kids are up to these days. If he sees the color green, it makes him short circuit.

• If cartoons have taught us anything, it's that rabbits can talk. If they've taught us anything else, it's that green = poison. Accidentally chewing on a green pen will likely cause severe death, while chewing on a blue pen will just give you blue lips (and will only make people think you're dead).

What's illegal at your school?

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