Five People I Never Want to Meet

Before we read this post, we were almost convinced that Darth Vader would be a pretty cool guy. But friendlydragonette, you have proven us wrong.—Sparkitors

For the good of humanity, I’ve made a list of five people everyone should avoid at all costs. Why? Because they’re magnets for disaster, they’re relentlessly evil, or they just love to make trouble.

1. Dr. House from House: He has a great personality and amazing style, sure, but he only takes the worst cases.  If you want House for your doctor, your boo-boo better fulfill one of these criteria:

A.  It's incurable
B.  It's genital
C.  It's something totally mundane that's spun out of control, like a broken toe or heat exhaustion
D.  It's all of the above

2. Darth Vader: This villain needs no introduction. Unless you like getting forced-choked to death (or your name is Luke Skywalker), you'd better get off the Death Star, kids. I mean, c'mon, not even Han Solo could take on this baddie.  Plus, anyone who kills Obiwan Kenobi really can’t have that many redeeming qualities.

3.  Sam I Am from Green Eggs And Ham: This dude won’t quit until he’s forced his unhealthy eating habits on everyone around him. Are you sure you don't want any rotting eggs and decaying pig flesh? No unfertilized baby chickens? TOO BAD. You will eat them on a train, you will eat them in the rain!

4. Magneto from X-Men: Charismatic, powerful, and sadistic, he can suck the iron right out of your blood vessels. While other villains have multiple abilities, Magneto utilizes his only power to take on an entire academy of do-gooders. And his receding hairline chills me to my bones.

5. Dolores Jane Umbridge from the Harry Potter Series: First of all, am I the only the one who thinks that Umbridge looks like Jabba the Hut's uglier sister? This pink-clad Ministry employee fills us all with terror and loathing, and I don’t know anyone who didn’t cheer when a hoard of angry centaurs carried her off into the sunset. From her unabashed love of creepy kittens to her sadistic style of teaching, Dolores is every student's worst nightmare.

That’s it, Darth: we are officially un-friending you on Facebook. Who else would you not want to meet in a dark alley? Or in a well-lit alley, for that matter?

Related post: The World's Coolest Villains