If you take a shower in the morning instead of at night, you’re doing it all wrong. If you’re fancy, and take a shower in the morning and at night, then stop reading this, because it doesn’t concern you. And this isn’t about afternoon showering either, because if you just had a hellish soccer practice or wrestled a rotten pumpkin, you should shower regardless of the time.
We want to talk to those lunatics who think taking a shower in the morning is better than taking a shower at night. What’s your problem? Why would you want to shower in the morning? Night showers are better, and we have 15 reasons that prove it.
1. It saves time in the morning. And you can use this extra time to sleep longer, finish homework, bake a ham for breakfast, or take a quick trip to the aquarium to watch the dolphins wake up (they're so cute when they’re groggy).
2. Night showers are relaxing and they help ease your mind, resulting in lovely dreams of ice cream rivers and trains that travel to the North Pole. If you go to bed dirty, then will have nightmares about rivers made of teeth and trains that travel to the South Pole where Santa’s brother Harris lives. Harris hates you and he has a mean dog.
3. Because your body is clean as a whistle when you sleep, your sheets will never need to be washed. Never!
4. Spiders hate wet hair. If you go to bed with dry hair, it’s like putting out a welcome mat for spiders and tiny rats.
5. Also, if you go to bed with wet hair, your hair is less likely to burst into flames as you sleep.
6. In the morning, everyone is trying to get into the bathroom, and you’ll be running late, so you will be rushed. At night, you can take as long as you want in the shower, and thus finally have time to wash your often-neglected index toes.
7. Showering in the morning is what causes knee acne…which is a tragic condition that is fun to say. (It sounds like a magic spell!)
8. Many, many criminals took showers in the morning before committing their crimes. Do you want to be a criminal?
9. Showering at night makes you 58% more outgoing and popular.
10. Morning showers are stressful because you spend much of your shower fretting about lunch and dinner. Taking a shower before bed doesn’t involve such worries, because lunch and dinner are a thing of the past, and your mind is free to think about happy things, such as baby rabbits, baby dogs, and baby mountains.
11. Showering at night allows you to say, “I shower at night,” without being a straight-up liar.
12. Showering in the morning will give you a sore throat and cavities.
13. If you shower at night, and then travel to the opposite side of the earth and are forced to shower in the morning, your biological clock won’t care because…wait. Even we can’t follow this logic. Can we have some aspirin?
14. Your voice sounds better at night. When you sing in the shower after just waking up, you sound like a frog trying to impersonate a sick duck.
15. Showering at night is what all the cool kids are doing, and it makes you look sophisticated.
Do you shower in the morning, or at night?
Related post: You Sing So Well...in the Shower