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Three Phylums of Nosy People

Three Phylums of Nosy People

jtjuvenile must have a lot of people up in her biz. We're kinda jealous. —Sparkitors

Unless your parents are zoologists doing research on polar bears in the North Pole and you're isolated from all of humanity, you will most definitely run into people who refuse to respect your privacy and encroach on your precious space bubble when you really just need to be alone.

Lucky for you, "knowing how to keep out prying intruders" is the first item on my résumé. For your benefit, I shall classify the Kingdom of the Nosy into three phylums, and explain how to deal with each one.

Phylum 1: The Politely Inquisitive Stranger
The janitor who asks you questions like, “Do you have a  boyfriend?,” is probably just trying to make casual conversation, so don’t bark; play nice. Nod cordially, bid him a good day, and flash your brightest smile. Chances are he won’t notice you ignored his question because he'll be too busy trying not to blurt out how charming you look with a smile on your face.

Phylum 2: The Concerned Prier
“Are you okay? Would you like to talk about it?” are questions The Concerned Prier will ask before delving deeper and making less subtle remarks, like, “I hear you won’t be attending Hogwarts next year.”

Usually a close pal, teacher, or Mrs. Weasely, members of this phylum have noble intentions and good reasons for probing. Still, sometimes you just don't want to talk. Gently tell this person that you aren’t comfortable sharing what’s bugging you, and assure him/her that you will talk about it when you’re ready. If this approach doesn’t work, it’s because this person doesn’t belong into this category. He/she belongs to a more sinister phylum know as the…

Phylum 3: The Shameless Snooper
Sometimes lurking under the facade of The Concerned Prier, The Shameless Snooper intrudes for purely evil reasons, such as collecting fodder for daily gossip sessions. The only way to cope with these interfering goons is to scream and hide in your attic forever. Kidding. Calmly state your reasons for not sharing the delicious snippet of information (e.g. "This is very personal and I would rather not share it with you") and firmly stand your ground.

If The Shameless Snooper continues badgering you or adopting measures like eavesdropping or reading your diary, here’s what to do: If that person is your friend, just drop him/her. If it's a parent, go on the offensive and ask how he/she would feel if you asked them questions like, “Have you had sex? Are you having sex? Are you having sex RIGHT NOW?” This should be enough for your parents to back off.

Otherwise, the option of booking a one-way ticket to the North Pole is always open.

How do you deal with snoopers?

Related Post: Where to Hide Your Most Embarrassing Secrets

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Topics: Life
Tags: sparkler posts, annoying things, privacy

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