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How to Be Awesome: Blogger's Edition

How to Be Awesome: Blogger's Edition

There are zillions of boring, jargon-y articles written by "industry professionals" about how to get blog followers. jgrudzy's post is so much better than all of them. —Sparkitors

These days, everybody has a blog. I have a blog, you probably have a blog, SparkLife is a blog (not that I've ever read it). And what better place is there to be awesome than on your very own web space, complete with anonymous web followers? Exactly. So, how can you make your blog suitably awesome and ready for the world to read? Follow these tips.

1. Find your niche. Everybody has a talent, right? To be awesome, you need to develop your talent into a bloggable form. For example, if your talent is making fun of all the strangers you meet throughout the day, take pictures of creepy strangers and call your blog "Stranger Danger." Or maybe you tell ridiculous stories about your life. If this is the case, be sure to embellish: Throw in some zombies and axe murderers to make it more interesting (and more believable). Whatever your niche is, find it. Fast. Blogs about nothing are decidedly not awesome.

2. Create conflict.
Nothing is interesting without a plot, right? And you can't have a plot without a conflict. So whatever you're blogging about, find a problem. If there's already a problem, escalate it. Example: If the universe is exploding, blog that the universe is exploding tomorrow. If there isn't a problem, make one up. Example: Your car is on fire! Everybody loves conflict resolution, so turn your blog into a soap opera.

3. Blow stuff up. Everyone loves explosions because they are awesome. It follows that more explosions equal more awesome. The weirder the thing that's exploding, the better. Here is an example explosion scale:
1 pt – a fruit or vegetable
5 pts – a jug full of questionable liquid
7.5 pts – some form of technology. The more expensive, the better.
10 pts –  an evil kitten
100 pts – a moon-bounce

4. End it all. Wait! Stop! Put the gun down! That's not what I mean! I mean that the cool thing about the internet is that you can create, and subsequently destroy, as many personalities as you want. So, if you want to test the level of awesome you have reached on your blog, pretend that “you” are quitting forever. The higher the number of people who claim to be depressed, the more awesome you are. Then create another “you” who is the best friend of the old “you.” The new “you” will get a bunch of new followers, plus all the old ones who will treat you like a hero for taking over the blog when it was about to die. How is that not awesome?!

There. You are now Internet Awesome.

Anything you think she should add?

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Topics: Life
Tags: sparkler posts, guides, blogs, blogging, how to be awesome

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