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Reasons to Hate Raisins

Reasons to Hate Raisins

By Contributor

Denisey94, that Sun Maid chick on the raisin box is WEEPING. —Sparkitors

1. Making raisins ruins grapes! Grapes are delicious, but they dry out into wrinkly little pellets that remind me of feces.

2. The texture. I don't want to eat something that looks and feels like it could have been under my couch for four months. Four months ago, I was cat-sitting for crazy Aunt Milly, so I'm wondering: is that a raisin, or some kind of cat ball phlegm thing?

3. People are always putting them where they don't belong! I really don't think I'd care so much if the creepy raisin eaters just kept them to themselves, but nooo, they have to put them in all sorts of perfectly good food, which ruins it. "Like what foods?" you may ask. Well...

  • Trail mix! When you buy it from the store it almost always has raisins in it. And the bags that don't have raisins in them don't have chocolate in them, either. Do you know what that leaves you with? A bag of mixed nuts! Honestly, do these people think that because someone doesn't like raisins she must not like chocolate? What kind of sense does that make? Nonsense, that's what! So instead I buy the one with the chocolate and raisins and eat all the chocolate and nuts out of it and give the raisins to my crazy Aunt Milly, who proceeds to feed them to her 12 cats.
  • Cereal. Have you ever found bran in cereal form without raisins? I think not! I'd enjoy the bran with some chocolate sauce or strawberries mixed in, but nooo, you can never find the bran without the stupid raisins!
  • Fruitcake! Okay, I admit fruitcake isn't really that tasty, but with raisins in it, it's just inedible!

4. Raisins are from the devil! Really! Ask the waterboy's mama! ...Or was that something else?

Raisins—yes or no?

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Topics: Life
Tags: food, sparkler posts, horrible things, raisins

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