Burger King, How Could You?

mj_adams, we too feel betrayed. But even more than that, we feel HUNGRY. Anybody got some fries?—Sparkitors

It’s been over a decade since my last kid’s meal, but I just assumed that as far as the toys were concerned, it was business as usual: kids were getting the same cheap, tacky, wonderful loot that I got when I was younger. After all, it's tradition to dig under your burger and fries to find a malformed stuffed animal, a plastic action figure with a life expectancy of six hours, or a tiny car with no wheels. It’s one of those things I don’t give much thought to—like how I assume that Mickey Mouse spends every day in Disneyland, smiling for pictures and cheerfully signing his name. I don’t check it out. I don’t worry that perhaps today he’s signing all of the autograph books “Lord Voldemort” and giving everyone wedgies. But maybe I should. Why? Because of this:

I recently took my five year-old niece to Burger King for chicken fries because I wanted to be a hero. She was so excited: we sat in a booth and she, knowing that she wouldn’t get her prize until she finished her meal, set about eating it. She wasn’t really hungry, because we’d just been to the park to feed the ducks pretzels and she, along with the ducks, had found them delicious. But she was determined to earn her toy, so she delved in heroically, and when she was finished I allowed her to dig up her prize. It was a red and black flat plastic circle with a split down the middle. The circle was about three and a half inches in diameter and was covered in mysterious symbols. She asked me what it was and I told her I didn’t know. She asked me what it did, and I was forced to say I wasn’t sure. She poked at it, turned it upside-down, and eventually pulled at it. That did the trick. The circle came apart to reveal a small poster bearing the faces of the characters from Eclipse.

Her face fell. I was outraged. This is the kid’s meal prize?  This is the reward my poor niece receives for her valiant eating efforts? NO. Listen up, Burger King: five-year-olds don't even know what Twilight IS. They can't read the books, they can't even see the movies! What is my niece going to do with a minuscule poster of Edward Cullen? Burger King, how could you?! So the lesson I learned? Next time you have to pick a dipping sauce at Burger King, ask for failsauce—it's probably all they've got.

Have any tragic tales about fast food you're just dying to share? Pony up!

Related post: Junk Food on the Brain