Two INCREDIBLE events occurred last week, Sparklers:
Firstly, Chelsea Dagger WAS NOT THE LAST TO LEAVE THE CHAT. For her undeniable courage, wit, and resourcefulness in the face of great adversity, she hereby awards herself 300 points (which means Gryffindor wins the House Cup, duh).
Secondly, one Sparkler seems to have caught on to Dagger's ruse: kcdancer07 noticed that Chelsea is acting like she's a mentally advanced 7 yr old. Old enough to read and write and notice things, but still cries and pouts and is somewhat immature. (And thats why we love her).
Yes, Sparklers, it is true: Chelsea does act a bit like a giant, unmitigated DOLT during the Committee of Cool (and during her life in general). Usually, this is somewhat justified: she often chooses the music videos and transforms into a whiny toddler when they're roundly bashed. This week, however, she'll have no choice but to act like an adult; as Emma chose the video, Chelsea won't be able to play the victim card she has become so accustomed to holding in her sweaty little hand. What will happen? Will the world IMPLODE? Will innocent plant life DIE?! Yes to the first, and very likely to the second. Sh%# is about to get EXCITING.
Artist: Nicki Minaj
Song: My Love
Music Selection by: Emma Chastain
Sorry, Sparklers: the video we embedded was removed from YouTube due to complicated copyright issues far beyond our comprehension level. To see it, click here instead!
TRANSCRIPT OF LIVE CHAT:
Chelsea: TODAY I’M GOING TO TALK LIKE A REAL GROWN-UP AND NOT USE ANY CAPITAL LETTERS. WHERE IS EMILY? CAN YOU INVITE HER?
Emma: She’s offline, dumbo.
Chelsea: Emma, your immaturity is startling. Is that how you spell “startling” or am I missing an “e”?
Emma: Yes, it’s spelled “staertling.” Obviously.
Emily: All here?
Chelsea: Everyone has successfully joined the chat. How wonderful. (Emily, I told the Sparklers I would behave less like a mentally-challenged 7 year-old today, so I’m going to talk like an accountant.)
Emma: We'll see about that. I'm the one who picked the video so I get to be the dumb one. Thems the rules. SO DID YOU GUYS LIKE IT??
Emily: Sorry I am watching for the first time right now.
Emma: (That was my Chelsea impresh)
Chelsea: Thank you, Emma. That was very flattering. But I would have used more question marks.
Emily: Vid's not working. But that was a good Chelsea impression.
Emma: Look at the other link I sent: http://www.youngmoneyhq.com/2010/07/21/nicki-minaj-your-love-official-music-video/
Emily: I am on that site, it’s not goinnnnng.
Emma: Second vid—I don't know why there are 2.
Chelsea: And I don’t know why everyone is dressed in kimonos, but I’ve learned not to question these things. How did you even hear of her, Emma?
Emma: If you’ve heard of hip-hop, you’ve heard of her. She's on every single song that's on the radio right now.
Chelsea: What is "hip hop"? (That was a joke. I am starting to miss my capital letters.)
Emma: Not so easy to be funny without your capitals, IS IT????????!!!!!!???????
Chelsea: It is nearly impossible.
Emily: Well, I think she looks just like me.
Chelsea: She does, Emily, I was just thinking that too.
Emma: What part of her looks just like you? Her ankles, right?
Chelsea: And her very small feet.
Emily: Her amazing eyes. The beginning is terrifying, like...you're going to fall off that red thing!
Chelsea: The whole thing is terrifying. I like all the scarves.
Emily: It’s not parallel to the ground!
Emma: I love her and nothing will change my love.
Chelsea: Why do you like her so much? I thought you only listened to James Taylor and Dolly Parton. And Elvis.
Emma: Because I think she's a really good and funny writer and she always makes weird faces.
Chelsea: She did have a nice line about dying hard like Bruce Willis.
Emma: She's not trying to be sexxxy all the time.
Chelsea: And she rocks wigs like a pro.
Emily: She was sexy all the time in that video.
Emma: In this video she was, I know. BUT I DON'T CARE. And yes, her wig game is impressive.
Emily: I think her wig game was not impressive! A precedent has been set by Lady Gaga.
Emma: Ok, don't focus on the Shirley Temple wig. That was a misstep.
Chelsea: I liked that wig the best. It reminded me of my own glossy, perfect curls.
Emma: I liked the one she wore while she was sword fighting!
Emily: I liked the blood, I guess. And all the solid colors.
Emma: One thing I didn't like was the wrinkly sheet she lay on to die. It looked like they'd cut the sheet budget.
Emily: They totally cut the budget! They just draped the set from Toni Braxton's "Makin Me High" in red and made it look terrifying! And what is the song she's sampling, it’s making me nuts.
Emma: Something 90s, I think.
Chelsea: I think it may be a Bieber original. Or that song about Compton.
Emma: Annie Lennox.
Emily: It’s definitely a 90s song, yeah?
Emma: No More I Love You.
Chelsea: Is that a song or are you breaking up with us?
Emma: If only I could. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MS1jAvCycCY
Chelsea: If wishes were horses, Emma.
Emily: I wonder what Annie Lennox has to say about Nicki Minaj.
Emma: Lennox is kind of Gaga-esque. And she makes faces like Nicki. How approps.
Emily has left
Chelsea: EMILY, SERIOUSLY? EMMA ARE YOU STILL THERE???
Emily has joined
Chelsea: Oh good, Emily is here again. I almost reverted back to my all caps ways.
Emma: Let's talk about the mean girl. I liked her ratty side ponytail.
Chelsea: She was a hussy of the first degree.
Emma: That's a sure sign of VILLAINY.
Emily: She's the best.
Chelsea: I liked their sword fight by the bridge with billowing scarf water. And the dramatic ending.
Emma: Yes, that was the ONLY scarf part that didn't look like total crap. I was surprised when Nicki died. TWIST ENDING. And they didn't even get to make out.
Chelsea: In the comments someone said "she's not dead, she's just out" in all caps. But I can’t use those. Or ever be funny again.
Emma: I DON'T GET IT.
Emma: What does that mean?
Chelsea: I have no idea.
Emma: Oh, like PASSED OUT?? I hardly think so, commenter.
Emily: I hate hip hop. I hate this slow video. I hate this dumb sample.
Emma: Controversial, Emily. Very controversial.
Chelsea: Very very controversial.
Emma: I hate whiny man-with-guitar music, but I like most other things.
Chelsea: I like capital letters. I may be in love with them.
Emma: And I love hip hop. Have you listened to lots of hip hop, Em?
Emily: Just on the radio at every job ever, and in the car before NYC!
Chelsea: I like Drake. Is he hip hop?
Emma: Yes, he counts.
Chelsea: Jackpot. My street cred just went up 20%.
Emily: Drake is DEGRASSI. He transcends race and gender.
Emma: Where did you work where you got to listen to it on the radio??
Emily: The boat!
Emma: OH! COOL!
Chelsea: I miss the boat captains. They were so handsome and tan.
Emma: I miss their inner arm tattoos.
*Note to the Sparklers: Emma, Emily, and Chelsea recently snuck onto a sailboat and took a trip around the East Hudson River. It was unbelievably glamorous and also 6000 degrees. New York has never seen sweat like the sweat it saw that day.
Emily: I used to like that song about where the guy would buy the girl a house.
Chelsea: Everclear song!
Chelsea: Oh, no, that's Barenaked Ladies. I thought you meant something else.
Emily: No, it was like, "I'm gonna get you a mansion, way up in Wisconsin" and it didn’t rhyme at all. It was a hip hop song, people. Anyway, that was one hip hop song I liked.
Chelsea: I think you’re confusing hip hop with Barenaked Ladies. Super embarrassing, Emily.
Emily: DUDE THIS IS NOT BARENAKED LADIES: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kWBE0sQC5L8
Chelsea: T-Pain is almost exactly the same person as them.
Emma: Oh, well, T-PAIN. That doesn't count.
Chelsea: Doesn't count. Not legit.
Emma: Because he's a boob.
Chelsea: Emma, don't say boob. What was the reasoning behind all the elaborate Japanese costumes anyway? Metaphor about Fench aristocracy again?
Emma: No, lyrics. "I think I met him in the sky; when I was a geisha, he was a samurai." POETRY.
Emily: Is T-Pain like the Annie Lennox of hip hop?
Chelsea: What is Annie Lennox the Annie Lennox of?
Emily: Annie Lenox is sunflower hats and wine coolers when you're 38.
Emma: Sunflowers remind me of butts.
Emma: Am I allowed to say THAT, fun police?????
Chelsea: Negatory. It doesn’t even make sense.
Emma: You're a real barrel of monkeys today, Danny [editor's note: we call Chelsea Danny sometimes].
Chelsea: Thank you.
Emily: I keep calling my bf a butt. It really makes him mad.
Emma: I'm gonna try calling my bf a butt!
Chelsea: Probably something really bad will happen!
Emma: What does your bf do when he gets mad? Something adorable?
Emily: He gets shocked. and then he says..."not a butt."
Chelsea: Hahahahah. That's cute. I will make my imaginary boyfriend say that.
Emma has left
Emily has left.
Chelsea: Imaginary boyfriend, are you still here?
So, guys: what EXTRAORDINARILY important lesson did we learn this week? Whoever guesses correctly shall be recognized in next week's post and thereby earn eternal glory.
Related posts: The Committee of Cool: Jape, The Committee of Cool: Janelle Monae, The Committee of Cool: the Jonas Brothers, The Committee of Cool: Death Cab for Cutie, The Committee of Cool: Metro Station, The Committee of Cool: Adam Lambert, The Committee of Cool: Jason Derulo, The Committee of Cool: OK GO, The Committee of Cool: Vampire Weekend