How to Survive Junior High

We love this post by embracethecheese, but we didn't know there were any 6th grade Sparklers out there! Are you there, you beautiful munchkins? Speak up in the comments! —Sparkitors

As the new school year approaches, the very youngest Sparklers will face the Tremendous Academic Rite of Passage: progressing from elementary school to a junior high. Well, I have some  helpful pointers. Being the incredible, fantastic, magnanimous person that I am, I have decided to share my wisdom with you.

Tip #1.0: Befriend the Office Assistants
No, I’m not talking about the fat lady who sits behind the desk looking grouchy. I’m talking about the handful of students who, for some unfathomable reason, couldn’t find a better elective to do than running passes and attendance lists back and forth to the office. Know who I’m referring to? No? Well, you will. They’ll be the ones who bring the Clipboard of Mystery (trust me, it’s just attendance) to your class on the day you have a substitute. And believe me, it is in your best interest to bring those people into your circle. Once you have befriended them, you will have indirect access to “excused” passes (you’ll surely be tardy at some point), schedules, and yes, my fellow Sparklers, food. I’m talkin’ DONUTS! Yum.

Tip #2.0: Talk to Everyone
Seriously. EVERYONE. Go back and read it again. Everyone. Not just the office assistants. Everyone. Got it? Okay, good. I hate to break it to you, but you probably aren’t going to have the exact same schedule as your childhood besties. Unless your goal is to be a lonely, whimpering blob of solitude, it would help to try and make new friends. For those of you who are socially inept, you may want to start by joining a club. You'll already have something in common with those people. (Tip. #2.5: Talk about what you have in common!) For those of you with confidence pants, you may prefer to randomly walk up to people in the hallways and start a conversation. Totally up to you.

Tip #3.0: Bring Your Lunch
On the first day, you may walk into the cafeteria and spot actual packaged food (e.g. Doritos, ice cream bars, etc.). Don’t fall for it. Those sneaky cooks have put it there so that you will assume all school food tastes that wonderful, even that stuff they “cook.” (“Brew” is a more appropriate term, if you ask me.) Plus, it will get really expensive. Wouldn’t you rather spend your parents’ money on an item that will last more than five minutes and not make you sick? Like an iPod? Yeah, I thought so. Get the cookies if you must, but only to finish off your nice homemade sandwich.

Tip #4.0: Stay on the Yearbook Editors' Good Side
They’re in charge of the pictures. Pictures that will be distributed to nearly every kid in your school. Pictures that will be lovingly preserved in the pages of the yearbook FOREVER. You don’t want any permanent reminders of your bad hair day, do you? No. Enough said. (Tip #4.5: Join the yearbook staff yourself. Then you get to take the pictures.)

Tip #5.0: Take Advantage of Electives
This is it: Junior High, aka the chance to find out what you really like before it starts to count on your high school transcript. You know those elective periods? Where you’re all like, “YEAH, BABY! I get to do whatever I want!”? Unfortunately, that’s not what they’re for. They’re there so you can find something you really enjoy doing, or at the very least, show commitment for that college application you’ll complete 4 or 5 years down the road. Your junior high electives can point you to classes you might want to take in high school, which are the ones (gasp!) colleges look at when they decide if they want to allow you on their campus or not.

Tip #6.0: DON’T. FALL. BEHIND.
While procrastination may be an attractive option, take it from somebody who’s learned the hard way: it ISN’T. You may think you can do a science project, 40 pages of math homework, and an essay in the two hours between soccer practice and the new episode of 24, but I strongly advise you not to try. Overusing the phrase “I’ll do that later” will force you to:
a) have a whiny mental breakdown
b) have to pull an all-nighter (they SUCK! Don’t question me!)
c) explode
d) all of the above

All in all, junior high is nothing to worry about. It’s the anticipation of high school and college that will have you sobbing, staying up nights, and begging your teachers for mercy. But through all that torture, you will meet the best friends of your life (so far), and they make it all worth it. I promise.

Any other advice for junior high kids?

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