How to Kiss: Making the First Move
Lauren just joined the Splogger fam, and has lots of useful advice about creating a kiss-friendly environment. —Sparkitors
Just like moon walking and sub-par math grades, there's a first for everything. And when it comes to kissing, someone's got to make the first move. Girls, we're talking to you, too. Forget what your grandma told you about playing hard-to-get. Also about how floral rompers are still in style—they aren't.
First you have to find out if your potential smooch buddy (PSB) is into you. This should be easy. If he's been going back and forth in front of your house trying to impress you with failed skateboard tricks, he's into you. If he told someone who told someone who told someone he's into you, he's into you. If he asked you to watch a movie with you, he's into you (nobody actually wants to "watch a movie." If he wanted to do that, he'd do it with his buddies.) Trust your gut, and if your gut just keeps saying "BURRITO!," find out for sure by asking him to do something alone with you. If he freaks, abort mission!
Pick an activity that will get you side by side. This eliminates water skiing, conga dancing, and one-on-one dodgeball. Watching a movie is good, because as we said before, nobody wants to actually "watch a movie." Nobody wants to "listen to music," either. In other words, find an activity that's less fun than kissing, and this will make smooching the best option. Another tip: make sure you're alone, because let's face it—there's always a chance your mission will fail, and the fewer the people who witness you getting dissed, the better.
If you are watching a movie, make sure it's a pretty boring one. But not so boring that it turns enthusiasm level of the room to -10. Think somewhere between The Dark Knight and video footage of your Aunt Willy's 89th birthday bash. Nothing turns off love juices more than watching old people trying to boogie. And hey, movie watchers: put down the snacks. I don't care if you usually eat Tabasco-covered popcorn or Sour Patch Kids while you're watching the tube (both are terrible pre-smooching snacks, by the way). Focus on the prize. You can nosh later.
Take on Timon & Pumba's Hakuna Matata attitude—just focus on the "no worries" part, and not the tooting. Don't let your body stiffen. Your PSB will notice and wonder if you're about to have a seizure. (If you are about to have a seizure, and that's certainly an option, don't play it cute by denying it. Call 911.) Breathe slowly and evenly, and don't let your muscles spasm. Though this sounds like a lot of instruction, it's really simple. Just relax.
Make physical contact. A hand-to-hand touch, or a leg-to-leg touch (please no your-buttcheek to his-face touches—that's hilarious, but sets the wrong mood) are perfect ways to take the romantic temperature of your environment and ease you into kissing bliss. Plus, it will totally relax your PSB, who probably can't even concentrate on the movie because he wants to kiss you, too. Unless you've been ignoring our advice and just ate a handful of Tabasco-covered popcorn.
Whatever you do, don't do that cheesy thing where you pretend like you're stretching and swing your arm behind his head. That doesn't even look smooth on TV. Just turn slowly to your PSB and see if he turns his head back to you. If he doesn't, go back to your solo position on the couch and reassess the situation in a few minutes—he could just be nervous. But if he looks at you, he probably wants a kiss. Focus on his lips and move in slooooowly—he'll notice the slightest movement and you'll be able to tell if he's into it, or not feeling it at all. If you move slowly, you can always back out, and if he asks why you were looking at his face, mumble something about how you were concerned about his overbite.
Go in for the kill. Since this is the first kiss, don't worry about getting fancy. You're just now breaking into new frontier—baby steps are your friend. A quick lip-to-lip kiss is nice, and if it feels good, keep going until you feel a natural lull, or you have to pee—whichever comes first. Adventure seekers might even slip some tongue. If you totally freak, cheek kisses are sweet, too. No matter how long you've lip-smacked, when you're done you can go back to relaxing, pleased to know that you just did one of the boldest things of all time: initiate a kiss. Take that, Neil Armstrong.
Follow up with positive reinforcements. Saying something like "that was nice" will boost your smooch buddy's ego, and let him know you want to smooch again. If his mouth tasted like dog, keep that to yourself, too. Maybe he wasn't anticipating the kiss, and just scarfed down a ton of Tabasco-covered popcorn. Or something.
The best part? The rules of kissing stipulate that since you made the first move, it's your smooch buddy's turn next time. And trust me—next time will be a whole lot easier. Happy kissing!
Are you cool with making the first move?
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