Diary of a High School Freshman: I'm Shaking In My Boots, Y'all

By Contributor

July 26, 2010

Welcome to a new column by GirlWhoWrites, a Sparkler going into her freshman year of high school. She'll be writing about everything from pre-freshman-year panic attacks, to freshman orientation, to back-to-school shopping. And, oh, did we mention she's hilarious? —Sparkitors

Dear Diary,

There are only two words to describe how people feel when they begin something new, like high school, for example. Those words are, of course, "mortal terror."

I have yet to meet someone who ISN'T dreading their freshman year. I'm not starting high school until August, but I'm already sweating harder than a teenage guy during a slow dance. There are lots of frightening things about high school, like evil biology teachers and flaming kangaroos. I have compiled a list of the things about high school that I'm most terrified of. *shrieks*

1) The People. This is coming from a girl who's been homeschooled for four years. Now I'm going to a freakin' PUBLIC high school. Who WOULDN'T be terrified? My friends tell me I'm bound to meet people loonier than Ed Cullen fan girls. (Now that's horrifying!) I'm scared of bullies, druggies, and most of all, these flaming kangaroos I keep hearing about.

2) The Exams. Like, they are supposed to be SUPER DUPER HARD. Like, I don't know if my brain can *snaps gum* handle it! 'Cuz like, we have to spell our essays, in zomg, words that like, aren't text speak. And, like, that pretty much, like, sucks. (Just kidding, y'all.)

But seriously, I'm shaking in my boots here. I've heard high school exams are the worst. Please pass the double espresso—I'm gearing up for lots of all-nighters.

3) The Teachers. I'm going to a school where the history teachers has been known to paint bowling balls to look like freakin' soccer balls so that they can laugh when we stub our toes. What the HECK? I'm gonna hate to see how they grade papers.

4) The Myths. Okay, so I'm a nerd. I know this. Will I get shoved in a locker? Will giant girls push my head in the toilet? Will the flaming kangaroos come and devour my flesh? I've heard all sorts of awful things they do to puny little runts like me. I've heard rumors scarier than SparkNotes breaking down during Shakespeare-reading season.

5) The Lockers. Here's an extremely embarrassing fact about me: I can't open a locker to save my life. I mean, it's not like I have much experience. All I know is that there's a little screw thing with numbers on it that people on TV spin like a hula hoop. SAY WHA??? You turn it one way, then the next, then the other way. How do those things even WORK?! I recently bought one, and I've tried over and over and over and—well, you get the picture—I can't do it. Remind me to email Auntie about it.

6) The Food. The greasy globules of goo that pass off for taco filling smell suspiciously like rat meat. I have every right to be scared.

7) The Awkwardness. I'm that dork in the back of the room who trips over her own shoelaces and thinks the Jo Bros are still cool. Needless to say, I've chewed my fingernails off over the fact that I'm going to a school where NOBODY knows my name. Um, can you pass the trash can? Cuz' I'm going to be really, really sick. Really, really soon.

8) The Bus. Cram teenagers into a small, yellow box with a bus driver who looks suspiciously like a guy from "America's Most Wanted" and see what happens.

9) The Hallway. Okay, I don't know about y'all, but I happen to be slightly on the short side. Place me in an ocean of people all scrambling to class and you MAY have to scrape me off the floor with a crowbar afterward.

10) The Possibility of Failure, Procrastination, and other Horrifying Situations: 'Nuff said.

While there are lots of things to look forward to my freshman year, there are lots of fears holding me back. I'm dreading fall because I know that with it comes a lot of scary new change. There is ONE thing I AM looking forward to, however. I get to share my freshman year with all of you, thanks to Emily and a bribe involving cheese and cupcakes! (Ed note: This did not happen. *buries face in box of red velvet cupcakes*)

By the way, does anyone know where I can buy a pair of confidence pants? I think the flaming kangaroos ate mine.

-GirlWhoWrites

Are you/were you terrified of freshman year? Do you love this series already?