IT'S FRIDAY! And it's 704 degrees! That means this ed is being L-A-Z-Y. She can barely manage to write these words. Chelsea has to dangle bits of delicious, soggy pizza crust in front her of her lazy face to inspire her to type. Luckily, Sparkler jtjuvenile wrote today's Friday Award intro (and gets an Emily Award for doing it)! It's a song about camels who like to dine on innocence and wine. Take it away, jt!:
Hairy fuzzy mammals with a hump or two,
they like to sing, dance and say the word "Boo."
But more than that, they like to dine on wine,
With a dash of Innocence, nutmeg and pine.
Camels like to dine on alcohol of any kind,
It could be champagne, chardonnay or just plain ol' wine.
So long as it is served with a side of Innocence and thyme,
Soaked with pork legs in a dish full of brine.
This song was requested by Emily Winter,
A gal with a voice like maple and sugar.
Chocolate soaked marshmallows, a fountain of melting M&Ms,
Something so delicious, we can't even utter the word "BAM."
Thank you Sparkitors, for making Sparklife so wonderful and "WOW."
All it needs is a "Camels like to Dine song" from jtjuvenile.
That was genius! I hope you like your Emily Award, jt. It's the first of its kind. Yep, BRAND SPANKIN' NEW. So don't lick it. That paint is fresh, and probably still toxic. You could get—JT, NOOOOOOOO!!!!
Ehem. More awards!
Happy Belated Birthday to iplayharp, smushedcupcake, fitzgeraldfan841, Emily_Jeanette, Darthcorde, spark3421, RentHead0721, kylxy, hoddmimirswoods, perfect_aussie, and morgie013!!!
Nickname of the Week goes to via_snail_mail. We don't know why we like it. We just do.
The Snooziest Summer Awards for comments on Auntie SparkNotes: Little Town Blues go to...
dairymilk42 for...
Can I say something to every single person who has ever complained about there being nothing to do, when they have a CINEMA and 'MALL':
I HAVE A PARK. And an off license. THAT IS IT. And by park I mean swings and some grass. and by swings I mean baby swings. And by grass I don't mean THAT grass.
and castralfire for...
I'm stuck in a small town too, let's call it Boringville, and in B-ville (even a nickname needs a nickname) everything is 15-20 minutes away by driving. When you don't have a liscence that doesn't really work. So what I do?
a) get my parents to drive me everywhere, in turn driving them...nuts
b) get my hours so i can get my liscence so i can get out
c) hang eith my friends who (being in B-Ville) spend their entire day going "what do YOU wanna do?" "i dunno, what do yoooooou wanna do?" ...yeh...no.
d) rent a T-Rex for 6.50 an hour and go around the town stomping on little houses, and inconsequential landmarks.
e)all of the above.
I know which one I pick. in other news? Our town needs a new city hall, and i need some bail money. and a new T-Rex
The You Have the Same Mental Disorder as Our Intern, Sarah, Award goes to xXx_lola_xXx for this comment on Four Types of Epiphanies...
I think my life is derived completely of Useless Epiphanies filling up my day. One second I'm trying to think of something, two hours later I remember it.
3:00- What was that word that means original? Starts with a U?
5:00- Unique! That's what I was trying to remember earlier! Unique.. Dang, why couldn't I have remembered it earlier?
The Most Awkward Moment Award goes to Julio_z_Coolio for...
On my 9th birthday, Grandma gave me day of the week underwear...I had to model them off to EVERYONE OF MY FAMILY MEMBERS!!! This year I technically got my mom's car because mine blew up the weekend after my birthday.
Pity Party Points to superaquagirl10 for this comment on Are You Having the Summer of Your Life?...
None on the list. Summer Fail. I was hoping to go on a date, but that didn't work out. The most exciting thing I did was try to give my cat a flee bath.
Maybe I'll plan a Macbeth pity party. I'll rant about death, birds, and ambition. That would be kinda epic...
Epic Pity Party Points go to GotQuiddtich!? for this comment on the same post...
My dad once gave me a box of ceral for christmas.
(We think you meant "cereal." Ouch.)
The "Is This, Like, Philosophy?" Award goes to hlucero06 for this comment on Swedish Fish: The Perfect Snack Bar Food...
I wonder if you were to put a Swedish fish in a glass of water, will it float, sink, or start swimming?
Self-Esteem Points (for us) Points (for you) go to...
NerdAppeal___ for this comment on Let's Play... Name That Splogger/Sparkitor!
I think I may be having a heart attack...*breathes heavily, heart races*
There are just some things that weren't meant for the human race to see on this earth. For example, God...and perhaps any other life outside of this planet......and a congregation of Sparkitors (/sploggers)!!!!!
*whispers* see...what...you've...done!
*dies*
ninja_assassin for...
i'm disappointed. none of them are ugly. this makes me feel depressed. why can't one of them be ugly? why do they have to be beautiful and witty? i can't take this! darn you sparkitors and sploggers!!!!!!!
The_Familiar for...
You're all much more attractive than I imagined. Compliment? Or not?
Joolie007 for this comment on Name That Splogger/Sparkitor: The Big Reveal...
Oooh, and did anyone else notice that Jon has nice shoulders? He could model shoulder-pads...
reader_girl101 for...
All the Sploggers and Sparkiters are amazing! You are all so stunning in real life! No wonder you all write such great articles - you are all beautiful people with amazing skills
rainbow-chan for...
I think everyone is pretty and I would marry all of them if that was not 1. creepy, 2. weird, 3. illegal, and 4. I wasn't already married to an ankylosaurus named Artie.
Dan, I love you madly, but you have really wimpy wrists. For the love of god, please do not show them to Emmett! (Although Edward, whose wrists define the word "wimpy" might be jealous.)
LOL Points to...
Tigress_118 for this comment on QUIZINATOR: Let's. Get. Sirius: HP Part 4...
Harry: Um, Hey Cho, you wanna go to Hogsmeade?
Cho: Well... Ok. But first, can you put on this blonde wig? and can you put some concealer on your scar? And Would you mind if I called you Cedric? I Love you Ced- Harry! I love... Harric? WAH, MY BOYFRIEND'S DEAAAAAAAAAAAAAD!!!!!!!!
Harry:... Hey Ginny, You wanna go to Hogsmeade?
illusiondestiny for this comment on Four Types of Epiphanies...
@Ashmeadow: I've always thought that grey was lighter than gray. That's my epiphany.
SpacemanSpiff777 for this comment on the same post...
i remember this life changing epiphany i had a few months ago. i realized via dictionary.com that the word "till" is actual a word that can be used in place of "until". and here i was writing " 'til " and thinking people like Tolkein and Thomas Hardy were flawed.
LaineyOrSomething for this comment on Blogging the Softball Experience of a Klutz...
I am deeply untalented in all forms of sports except possibly badminton.
Example: In gym, they made me play volleyball. The ball came right at me, and I hurriedly tried to position my arms to bump it. In my frantic arm-failure I forgot to step back a bit, and the ball bounced off my elbows and I managed to bump the ball really hard- right into my own face.
And if you think that's not so bad, I did that THREE TIMES IN ONE DAY.
TheRaesoftheSun for this comment on Auntie SparkNotes: Dad's Dirty Little Not-So-Secret...
This article has the tags, dads, porn, and little sister. Three tags that I hope to never see together on the same post ever again.
sgtpepper191 for this comment on The Max VZ Chronicles: SparkNotes Laws and Equations...
This post reminds me of my freshman Geometry class. The teacher came around and checked to see if we had our homework done, but didn't really CHECK it, so when I was pushed for time, the Because I Said So Postulate (BISS Postulate) and That's How I Roll Theorem (THIR Theorem) made frequent appearances in my proofs. I never got caught.
kcdancer07 for this comment on Terrible Pet Names...
When we got our puppy my brother took careful note that Puppy pooped a lot. So he decided to name him. CPL. Captain Poops-a-Lot.
Thank goodness we convinced him out of it.
ipebble for this comment on You Should Have Been Born in the _____ies...
I'm scared. From the data provided above... I shouldn't have been born. Apparently cute little smooth rocks have no place in this world. I'll just go be depressed, cut myself, and cry myself to sleep in a corner now.
flaming_hobgoblins for this comment on How to Make Your Latest Catchphrase Blow Up...
i've started to replace crap with "flump". This is why;
ME: *trips* ffff-
MUM: *glares*
ME: fffflump.... ?
MUM: flump?
ME: yeah, flump. i say it all the time. so does everyone at school. it's a 2010 thing, you wouldn't get it....
MUM: oh... i'll keep an ear out for it... it's got a good ring to it.... *proceeds to repeat flump for 15 minutes*
ME: *think i better use flump for the rest of my life so mum doesn't think her baby-angel knows swear words*
time_turner for this comment on the same post...
I LAUGHED SO HARD I JUST BWINKED.
That's my slang (from an open thread a couple weeks ago).
Rosecup :) for...
Lol my sister and I make up so many catchy phrases, Its not even funny. One day it was clomping, as in "Mario just clomped me!" Another day it was "that's right, you spit out those tater tots!" Yeah I know we are weird.
cryptoquip3 for...
I also use "drip" as a replacement for the F&S words. (My parents used to be customers of an oil company called F&S. We used to laugh at the name, but then it turned out to be strangely appropriate as the company went bankrupt under corruption charges.)
The @@ Award goes to sciencenerdess94 for these comments on The Max VZ Chronicles: SparkNotes Laws and Equations...
I'll try hypnotism!
SPAAAAARKITORS, LOOK INTO MY EYES (O.O). YOU WILL SEE THIS COMMENT AS SUPER-WITTY AND REEEEALLY CREATIVE. YOU SHALL MARVELLL AT HOW AWEEEESOMMMME IT IS AND YOU WWWWIIIIILLLL GIVE ME A FRIWAAARD...
I don't think that worked.
*cries*
The Perfect Poet Awards go to the following Sparklers for this comment on How to Be a Renaissance Sparkler, Part 3: Poetry...
mary_di_valerio for...
Okay, I'll try my hand at a tad bit of poetry:
gentically altered watermelon
fireworks in my milk
sweaty sweet bell peppers
dew on my nose
breathing lava
insects sparkle
blood beads
i choke
spewing lemonade
summer picnic
I CALL IT SUMMER PICNIC. Viola, I am a genius. 
Hold the applause.
Tigress_118 for...
Harry my love,
Fictional you may be
but I swear by Merlin's Buttonflys,
I will love you ten times more
than that prissy little dandy
Draco Malfoy.
To Compare you with that
little git is slanted,
for your greatness surely out
weighs him.
The jealous brute could never
catch the golden snitch as you could,
for you have talent,
whereas he has money.
But gold can buy only the material,
never the love and respect you can
conjur up, like a corporeal patronus
(which you knew how to do since you were
thirteen).
Never was there a fool like Draco,
and never was there such a dream boat
as Harry
James
Potter.
(though when we get married, I'm naming the kids).
MaidenWarrior for...
Sitting on my desk chair
for hours
at a time;
my posterior
becomes numb,
my fingers
fly across the
keys
Sparknotes in the Summer
Emily_Jeanette for...
I'm very obsessed.
Harry Potter is my life.
I need a boyfriend.
mj_adams for...
Sparknotes is my online home, you know
I spend much more time here than I should
I just can not seem to bring myself to go
These articles and blogs are all so good
The sparkitors always make me laugh
The contributors are so clever too
The screen-names are rarely lame or daft
The whole place is one big dream come true
We mostly hate Twilight and the Cullens
Harry Potter’s a hero (as he should)
We drink awesomesauce by the gallon
And some people think that Ritz are good
Dan Bergstein is a notorious name
The sun exploding is our greatest fear
We like to read books like “The Hunger Game”
And we’re not afraid of William Shakespeare
There are quotes we love and some we hate
“So the lion fell in love with the lamb”
I must stop writing this or I’ll be late
Just one more small thing, and that is BAM
Happy weekend, Sparklers!
Topics: The Internets
Tags: friday awards
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