Auntie SparkNotes: Drumline Drama

Sorry, what were you saying? We saw the word "drumline" and started daydreaming about Nick Cannon. —Sparkitors

Dear Auntie Sparknotes,

I'm in the Drumline at my high school, and I've recently found that I have a bit of a confidence problem. Our instructor is pretty tough, and he expects everyone to grasp new concepts relatively quickly. This is my first time playing an actual drum, so it's a new experience for me. However, even though I practice at least one hour a day, I just don't get it like the others do.

It's not that I don't understand the concepts. I just can't physically make my arms do the work involved. I've played piano for about eight years, and being a solo pianist is drastically different from being in a Drumline. The result: Every time I get criticized (which I understand is a good thing), I always get discouraged. I'll be playing and feeling pretty good, then I'll get criticized and feel horrible. When I get home, I try to seek comfort from my boyfriend (our Drumline captain), but he can't really relate. I know he tries and cares, but I'm usually super discouraged by then. This result: Me in tears.

I know logically that my instructor's criticism is to help me improve, but I still end up feeling discouraged. My mother always tells me that there's nothing I can't do if I put my heart into it, but I don't feel like that advice helps. I really am trying, but I don't want to cry anymore. I want to be in Drumline, and I want to be happy. I want to play confidently. Please help me Auntie!

***Scene: Auntie's apartment, immediately following the arrival of this letter.***

Auntie: (on phone) Hello! Is this the plastic surgeon?
Plastic surgeon: Yes, can I help you?
Auntie: Yes! I'm calling for information on bionic arms.
Plastic surgeon: Bionic... what?
Auntie: You know, like, robot arms? Awesomely strong and efficient robot arms made out of like, titanium?
Plastic surgeon: Is this some sort of a joke?
Auntie: No, I'm serious! See, I've got this friend... well, I mean, I don't really know her, but she seems like an awesome kid, and she's in a drumline, and she's having a lot of trouble getting her arms to work correctly. So I thought that if you could give her some bionic arms, that would be really great.
Plastic surgeon: Um.
Auntie: And also, maybe a jetpack implant? Do you guys do jetpacks? And hey, while I'm talking to you, could you surgically affix a giant pair of dragonfly wings to my shoulderblades? I'd really like to be able to fly.
Plastic surgeon: I am calling the police.

So, as you can see, my original plan for you didn't work out so well. Instead, try this:

1. Talk to your instructor, and ask him for advice. After all, he's there to help you improve, and criticism can only go so far. You need to be told what to do, not just what not to do. So approach him after practice, and say, "Hey, [instructor], so I'm sure you've noticed I'm really struggling with this stuff. I understand the concepts and everything, but my lack of strength and speed are problems for me. Can you suggest any exercises I should be doing to get my muscles working better?"
2. Repeat after me: Criticism is not condemnation. Say it 'til you believe it. Letting yourself get discouraged by constructive remarks is distracting you from the task at hand, which is getting better at drumline. So when your instructor criticizes you, make a concerted attempt not to take it personally.
3. Enlist your boyfriend's support. You say that your boyfriend can't relate to your problems, but that can't really be true—because everyone knows how it feels to be foiled by the limits of their abilities. This isn't a drumline-specific experience. So when you're talking about it, try framing it in terms of general frustration. (And if he's having trouble empathizing, ask him to imagine how he'd feel if he was supposed to play a Rachmaninoff concerto after only two months of piano lessons. That oughta do it.)
4. Practice. I know you are, but you may need to step up the length and intensity of your sessions, especially if your muscles are the problem. It takes time to build strength and stamina.

And if your drumming ability improves as a result of these steps, then terrific.

But if it doesn't, please don't go kicking yourself around the block for your lack of skills and/or confidence—and please, please forget the depressing-as-all-get-out idea that you can be awesome at absolutely anything if you just try hard enough.

Because you can't. Nobody can. And I know this sounds mean, but here's the thing: while it's great to dream big and pursue your interests, it's also a fact of life that sometimes, even when you put your heart into something, you aren't necessarily going to succeed at it. Everyone is born with different natural gifts, and we can't all be great at everything. (For incontrovertible evidence of this fact at work, just watch an early-season episode of American Idol. Or check out the entries in an amateur photography contest. Or come by the lanes at Chelsea Piers sometime and watch Auntie attempting to bowl. Oh my God you guys, I am TERRIBLE.)

And while this doesn't mean that you have to be fabulous at everything you do, it does mean that if you're working as hard as you can, but not seeing any improvements, it's okay ask yourself what you're getting out of it. Certainly, there are plenty of times when the pleasure of doing something—even if it's something you're kind of awful at—makes up for your lack of talent. (As evidenced by the fact that I still like to bowl, even though I usually end up failing to un-stick my fingers from the ball-holes and falling down the lane at least twice.) But if your lack of drumline skillz is making you feel depressed and down on yourself, and despite your best efforts you're still lagging behind the rest of the team, then it's a good time to consider whether drumline is really the best fit for you. So, ask yourself: does the fun of drumline make up for the frustration of being criticized? Or would you be happier pursuing something that's more in line with your natural abilities?

Figure it out, and then do what makes you happy.
And if you do get bionic arms, send pictures.

Any drumliners got advice for our letter-writer? Tell us in the comments! And to get advice from Auntie, email her at advice@sparknotes.com. You can friend or fan her on Facebook, too.