In the summer, Fridays are stupid. They're practically Mondays, but Fried, and we're on a diet. They're useless, toothless, persistent, and ruthless. Luster-less, flamflusterous, withered, and wonderless.
And they do not deserve to be celebrated. Now, who's with me?
JUST KIDDING, SPARKLERS.
Ohhhh man, you should have seen the look on your face. Priceless. I'm so glad I took a picture of it. I mean, um, errrrm, nevermind.
Listen up, skeptics: This amazing poster in the Hong Kong subway proves that EVERY DAY is worth celebrating. Why? Because you never know when your best friend is going to bite your head off.
I know, I'm exploding with wisdom.
Now, let's talk about YOU, you precious, thoughtful things. Specifically...
JuJukins, randomness2325, apples137, and SpacemanSpiff777, who had birthdays this week.
Happy Sunday birthday to purpleabsofsteel.
Happy Super Belated Birthday to xPurpleElephants, LiMeGrEeN916, june5678, and biskvitkaimlyako.
Nickname of the Week goes to MutantFrogsAreOnTheLoose
The Chelsea Award for Confuzzlement About Irony goes to shhaarron for this comment on What to Expect When You Lose a Grandparent...
haha. this is such a sad little post, and everyone's all like YEAH BAMMMM GO US WOOT WOOT.
i would have cheered like that too if i was higher up, of course.
but i'm just saying, i thought it was ironic :p
AND I HAVE NO IDEA IF I USED THE WORD 'IRONIC' CORRECTLY.
thank you and goodnight.
The MY-CE CREAM (= MY ICE CREAM. Come on, help a Sparkitor out.) Awards go to the following Sparklers for comments on the Ice Cream Post...
Becka'sDestiny for...
I think there should be "Backstabbing Cotton Candy Doom". It's sweet when you first meet it, but as soon as you get overeager and consume too much of it, it freaks out and completely (rudely) ignores you, leaving you with a case of indigestion and a wonder of what you did wrong. Yeah, I said it.
natalie1994 for...
Conceded Crunch-
This ice cream has everything. It has nuts, whipped topping, bubble gum, gummy bears, gummy worms, brownie bites, oreos, M&M's, coconut..... need i go on. So this icecream has it's own display case thats way fancier than the others. But then you realize that the more you eat it the more you are annoyed by its conflicting flavors and how its just trying to look cool so it can capture a helpless person into being its friend. Once you try it you htave to keep eating it so you can look cool no matter how much you hate it.
sgtpepper191 for...
Forever Buddy Fudge: It's impossible to stop eating this delicious and decadent mix of rich chocolate ice cream and brownie bits. Once you start eating it, you feel as if it's the only ice cream flavor you ever want to eat, ever again. Your friends tell you it's irrational, but what do they know? This is hot-fudge-drizzled LOVE, and, if you're lucky, it may even sparkle.
qooqooquail for...
Litte Brother Bacon Brownie Bits: You can't figure out why you keep biting into this, because everytime you do, it bites back. Well, actually, it was provoking you, so it really bit first. You want to just throw it away into a trash can and leave it there forever, but everytime you open the freezer, it's still there. (Unless it's in the fridge, because your little brother puts it there sometimes.) Yet you keep eating it, because if you don't, it'll go bad. You will also beat up anyone who dares to diss the Little Brother Brunch, because that's YOUR job. Occasionally, you'll get a bite that has some brownies in it, and you'll be reminded why you haven't murderized it yet. Then, just when you and that chocolaty goodness are having a moment, the bacon pops up and ruins it.
Nickname1010101 for...
Tea Berry Twilight Truffle - You only try this because your friend tells you how amazing it is. But after one bite, you want to throw up.
Denisey94 for...
The Bieber Tracks- it looks nice and chocolatey but then there's little repetitive chunks of lyric shaped chocolate covered caramel bites, and some really feminine hazelnuts.
xPurpleElephants for...
Procrastination Punch:
Pistachio flavored with a chocolate punch, this ice cream keeps on managing to put off being consumed, filled with ingredients like forms that need filling from work, that seventy-five you got on a test that needs to be signed by mom, and the new string you need to use to replace the one that snapped on your guitar, this flavor time after time reminds you why you don't want it yet. Even though it's been in the freezer for five months, the mold hasn't even started to grow on it.
The Epic PWNing Comeback Award goes to SecretlyAWizard for this comment on Auntie SparkNotes: A Hairy Situation
If I had long hair and someone said that to me, I'd probably say "Well well why don't you just...donate your face! Because it's ugly!" Then I'd run like very fast breeze, and hope I'd never see them again.
.
I know, it's a truly brilliant comeback. I should be applauded. -applauds self sarcastically-
The "Sparkitors Are Suckers for Excessive Compliments" Award goes to endlesslight44 for this comment on Committee of Cool: OK Go...
I always think of Sparkitors as one big lump of AwesomesauceCoolness wrapped in FantasmicHumor topped with CrazamzingStyle. It's funny to see them talk to each other and be just as hilarious as I imagine them to be. So, no more imagining. Now it's real.
The “Should Never Be in Charge of Children or Even Baby Grasshoppers” Award goes to Shyell for this comment on Blogging My Babysitting Nightmare...
Last time I babysat, I was holding the little girl in my arms and spinning around, then I got dizzy, stumbled, and smashed her head on a coffee table. I haven't babysat since.
The Inflating the Intern's Ego Award goes to the following Sparklers for their comments on How to Kiss: Sarah on Preparation...
Sara_95 for...
I love the *sparkle sparkle* in the last picture (:
natallia1994 for..
i love those pictures they are FANTASTIC
snowangel1794 for...
Haha I love how Sarah used little brown stars to make the messy hair!
dim_dancer for...
hahaha awsome guide. definately remember gum and mints and anything that makes ur breathe smell/taste better cuz u dont actually taste the food u tast gross garbageness
The Best Math Skillz Ever Award goes to time_turner for this comment on Systems of Measurement for the SparkLife Set...
Awesomeness is measured in Sparkles.
One Sparkle equals the average number of comments on an Open Thread during the month of September, multiplied by the average number of times one laughs at a Dan post.
Sparkitors, of course are infinitely awesome, and therefore have an infinite number of Sparkles.
The “Scoot Over, We’re Climbing In” Award goes to bunniesofchub for this comment on SparkNotes Movie Club Presents: Jaws...
just the theme song of this movie makes me want to hide in my sock drawer!
The “Is YOUR Dad MY Dad?!?”/The Mr. Winter Award goes to hlucero06 for this comment on How to Be Funny...
My dad is just naturally funny. He's also loud. Sometimes I'll tell a joke, and my family will laugh. Later, my dad will tell my joke again, only louder, and the whole room will be banging their heads on the tables, slapping their knees, and be doubled up in laughter.
Funniness = loudness.
The “Most Uncomfortable Use of ‘Sauce’ Ever” Award goes to Tigress_118 for this comment on How to Be Funny...
Another tip: Stay Away from 'Dirty' (read, stupid) jokes.
You know that relative or distant friend at the party who always squirts awkwardsauce all over the place by telling an off-color joke? Yeah, don't be that person. That's hack territory.
On the other extreme, don't tell 'squeaky clean' (read, stupid) jokes. Nobody over the age of three enjoys them. If you find yourself pretending to knock on doors and addressing yourself as banana over and over until you throw a citrus fruit into the mix, then you aren't entertaining anybody.
LOL Points to...
Superhero001 for this comment on How to Kiss: Kat's Illustrated Guide...
Bahaha. I know EXACTLY what not to do now! Spiders=bad. Noses=bad. Knocking heads=mini explosion=bad. Thanks, I feel well prepared!
ESKan for this comment on Blogging My Babysitting Nightmare...
Disaster? Oh, you mean the time that MONSTER popped out a popgun and started attacking me with paper balls he probably chewed himself. Good times.
At least his parents left cake for me.
illusiondestiny for this comment on A Guide to Successful Sleeping...
I sleep all day. Consider me an expert
loonylovegood15 for this comment on How to Act If You're in a Horror Movie...
#18: Despite what many may think, "Special Hugging" In the middle of an "abandoned" house, in the middle of the night is NOT "Romantic"
...
Or in any way sane.
AsvoriaBlade for this comment on Sidestepping Summer Sibling Squabbles...
The “Nicely Done” Award goes to:
I just lock my little brother in the closet with his Nintendo DS!
But don't worry, he has a litter box in there too =D
annalizfell for this comment on Frenemy Swirl on a Sugar Cone, Please...
@natallia: What are Jesus berries? Are they like blueberries, but with beards and sandals?
minipinkelephant for this comment on TAAOC. D....
my favorite is: (i made this up but i only use it when typing and/or texting) LOLSHTMSFOAIDMTOTWOASVH. (laughing out loud so hard that my sombrero falls off and i drop my taco out the window on a street vendor's head)
The "Why Didn't You Just Submit this for Publication as a Post, You Incredible Lunatic?" Award goes to randomness2325 for this comment on Open Thread for July 10...
Enjoy
100 ways to annoy Edward Cullen
1. Tell him Bella has decided to marry Jacob
2. Tell him you saw Mike Newton romancing Bella on one of thse days he went *camping
3. Imagine him naked while following him around
4. Prance around the house singing Madonna's 'Like a virgin' at the top of your lungs every morning, make sure Bella is around to hear
5. Running it by Charlie that Edward has been 'sleeping' with Bella for the past 2 years, at the wedding reception.
6. Smear your blood all over his new car freshener. Blame it on Jacob
7. Show him the twilight trailer. Ask him if he's thinks that he looks like a pedophile or if it's just you.
8. Tell him Bella wants to elope with Paul
9. For his birthday give him a $100 McDonalds gift card, and get offended when he tells you he doesn't eat food.
10. Ask him why he likes watching Bella sleep. Call him a pervert.
11. Take him to Victoria's Secret with Alice.
12. Take him onto The Jeremy Kyle show. Make sure everyone knows he addicted to heroin.
13. Tell him you have Bella as a witness if he denies it.
14. Picture yourself naked and covered in blood. Ask him if he wants you. Call him a liar when he says no.
15. Tell him Bella is pregnant and eloping with Mike Newton.
16. Tell him you were kidding once he murders Mike.
17. Buy him a dog. Name it Jacob.
18. Train the dog to follow him everywhere
19. Tell him Jacob thinks he's a sex god.
20. Tell him Jane thinks he's better than a sex god.
21. Ask him if when its sunny he walks in high trafic areas just for fun.
22. Ask him how he got into bella's floor boards without leaving any evidence.
23. Sell Jacob his car for five dollars.
24. Pretend you don't know where the car went and show him the five dollars saying it was left on his porch.
25. Ask him to dress up as Dracula and fight with Jacob in his wolf form.
26. Invite people over to his house and trash it.
27. Tell Esme and Carlisle it was Edwards idea.
28. Try to seel his bed on ebay
29. If he asks where it's gone ask him why he need a bed anyway
30. Try to sell his Cd's on ebay.
31. If he asks where they went say Jacob stole them.
32. Try to take his pulse and freak out when you can't find one
33. Make a lifelike Bella dummy (with Bella audio) and throw it into a fire.
34. Volunteer him for a blood drive.
35. Give him a divorce atterny card and say, "Just in case."
36. Force him to watch the 40-Year-Old Virgin with you. Send him accusational glares at random throughout the film.
37. Lock his phone after you set Me So Horny by Two Live Crew as the ringtone and then call him over and over and over again in public. (for those of you that don't know the song, there's awful loud moaning sounds while they chant me so horny over and over again.)
38.Get a shock collar with sequins on it and have Emmett put it on Edward. Give Jacob the remote.
39. Every time he walks near you jump in front of the nearest car and scream "Save me Edward!"
40. Challenge him to a breath holding contest and accuse him of cheating.
41. Blindfold him and take him to a tanning salon.
42. Jump out of corners and proceed to beating him with large planks of wood every ten minutes
43. Sit in his room and stare at him for hours.
44. When he demands why you're staring at him tell him that you're not leaving until he falls asleep.
45. When he tells you he can't sleep, threaten that Santa won't come if he stays awake.
46. Paint his Volvo pink and write “I love Jacob” all over it
47. Sing "It’s a Small World" over and over in your head and follow him around
48. Give his number to Jessica and tell her, he’s interested
49.Ask him about Bella’s eighteenth birthday party
50. Just think of the color black when he's around so he thinks he can't read your mind either.
51. Refer to him as "Eddie".
52. Prank call him saying you have kidnapped Bella and will only accept his volvo as ransom.
53. Sing 'I know a song that'll get on your nerves' in your head continually, over and over again, he'll go insane in less then three hours guarenteed
54. Come to school wearing dark robes, red/black contacts, and white makeup. Go up to Edward. Claim to be from the Volturi, and ask him where Bella is.
55. Get Carlisle to have "The Talk" with him.
56. Torch his meadow.
57. Run around the school with flyers that say "Save the Mountain Lion!"
58. Set the banner on Bella's cellphone to I love Jacob.
59. Do the same thing to his.
60. Say, "Oh you and Bella looked so cute at the movies yesterday" and when he says that they never went to the movies say, "Oh, but I'm sure it was Bella, and she was all over that other guy."
61. Tell him Darth Vader is his father
62. Run around the school shouting, 'EDWARD CULLEN IS A VIRGIN'
63. Make Bella president of the La Push Cliff Diving Society
64. Randomly run up with a stake yelling "Die, fiend!"
65. Superglue Bella's window shut.
66. In front of Nessie, say aren't you glad you didn't kill the little brat.
67. Remind him that Jacob and Nessie are eventually going to...well you know.
68. Say, "wow, you lost your virginity at 107 and your daughter is going to lose hers at 7...to the guy who was in love with your wife
69. Every time you take a picture of him, ask him if he'll show up when you print it out.
70. Before you print it out, photoshop it so he doesn't show up in it.Print it out and show it to him.
71. Continually poke him with a pencil muttering quietly about how it's the closest thing to a wooden stake you can get.
72. For his birthday, buy him spray-on tan.
73. Tell him you think it's great that he gave Bella up to Jake. When he asks you what you're talking about, say "uh...I've already said too much." and run away.
74. After Bella dumps him for killing Jacob, tell him it was a misunderstanding, and that Bella and Jacob were never together.
75. Cover his yard with "Beware of Vampire" signs.
76. Make an "I love Jacob" website and say Bella made it.
77. Tell him he didn't steal Bella's virginity, Jacob did.
78. Tell him that Nessie is Jaspers daughter.
79. When you 'discover' he's a vampire, throw holy water on him and shout,"The power of Christ compels you!"
80. Hotwire his Volvo and take it on a joyride.
81. Tell him the relationship he is having with Bella is practically paedophilia and he could be sent to jail for it.
82. Tell Tanya Edward has decided to take her back
83. End every argument with “Bite me, Edward.”
84. Whenever he complains or argues, reply with “What are you gonna do Edward? Go to Italy?”
85. Take his silver cell phone and change the ringtone to “Like a Virgin” by Madonna.
86. Run around with a lighter threatenign to set him on fire if he comes any closer.
87. Ask him to turn you into a vampire, beg and plead when he says no... then threaten Bella's life. When he agrees say I can't wait till Bella hears about this. Once he has bitten you scream in agony and cry asking him how he could do this to a perfect little girl like me?
88. Once you change into a vampire, tell Edwrd you bit Bella, saying he was right and Bella' blood does smell amazing and you couldn't resist, sorry.
89. Push him into the sun and start o sing Diamonds are a girl's best friend
90. Throw garlic at him while screaming die die die
91. Shove him over the boundary line
92. Stab him with a pencil
93. Stare at him for ages. When he asks what tour doing ask him if he's that guy from Harry Potter
94. Drive slow
95. When he tells you him and Bella are gettng married get up and go OMG Bella are you pregnant
96. Buy him and Bella matching Team Jacob t-shirts
97. Put love notes into his locker and sign them Jacob Black
98. Sing at the top of your voice.... Bella and Edward sitting in a tree. H-U-N-T-I-N-G!
99. Invite the whole La Push pack to his wedding. When he gets upset cry and say you were only trying to help
100. Read New Moon and talk about it whenever he is around
that is all. goodbye
Watch your brains, Sparklers. And your burgers. Happy weekend!
Topics: The Internets
Tags: friday awards
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