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Systems of Measurement for the SparkLife Set

Systems of Measurement for the SparkLife Set

Sparkler trekkie-bookie is zero conun of awesome. —Sparkitors

Are you bored to death with measuring in meters, and with buying milk in gallons? Well, then, here's a perfect new system of measurement for you. Warning: Extreme hilarity/geekiness ahead!


Instead of gallons or liters, try DTEs. DTE stands for "Drops To Empty," and here is how you calculate it: If a single drop leaves the container per minute, how many minutes will it take to empty said container?

Example: A typical quarter-gallon of milk would be 73,921 DTEs.


In this new system of measurement, the base unit is called a "diffe" (dih-feh), which amounts to the difference in height between Beyonce and Gollum. Beyonce is said to be 5"7, and I've estimated Gollum to be 3"2, so that puts a standard diffe at around 2"5.

Example: A typical 12-month-old baby would be about one diffe tall.


The base unit of time is 1/10 of the time it takes William Shatner to recite the Star Trek Original Series intro. The units are called "toses" (toh-sez), with the singular being "tos" (tohs). Since the length of time it takes varies from 18-24 seconds, a tos is equal to about 2.1 seconds.

Example: It should take you about 57 toses to brush your teeth.


The unit for weight is called a "conun" (coh-nun), which is short for conundrum. The unit is a conundrum because it is equal to the difference between a pound of bricks and a pound of feathers.

Example: Both an elephant and a a cow weigh zero conuna.

What other measurements would you like to add?

Related Post: Mathematicians Never Die, They Only Lose Some of Their Fuctions

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Topics: Life
Tags: sparkler posts, what if, math, ridiculous things, measurements

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