What to Expect When You Lose a Grandparent

Thanks for the insight and advice, xXx_lola_xXx! —Sparkitors

This post means a lot to me. Several months ago, I lost my grandmother, and decided to write about what you can expect to feel when a grandparent dies. I realize that not everyone deals with death the same way, so I included the experiences of others in my family to give this post a broader scope. Here's what to expect when a grandparent passes away:

1. Expect to have to choose between dealing with death immediately and directly, and distracting yourself from the issue.

You either deal with the death by crying your brains out in the company of your family, or you go on with your life and try not to think about the D word (no, not "Dan," "death."). I went with the second option. Right when it happened, I couldn't deal with it, so I went to school and tried to focus on my schoolwork and everyday things. Like I said, it's just a matter of what feels right for you.

2. Expect to listen to lots and lots of music.

You'll need music. Whether to drown out your thoughts, or to remind you of your grandmother or grandfather, I guarantee you'll find yourself listening to more music than you ever have. It was one of the ways I was able to keep from going insane with grief.

3. Expect your diet to change for a little while.

Either you'll want to eat your pain (which looks like donuts, if you were wondering), or you won't want to eat. I couldn't. Still, if gobbling down junk food helps you cope, I actually recommend it. This may not be the healthiest advice you'll ever hear, but some people feel that some extra food helps them. Just try not to overeat or under-eat too much because you could get sick.

4. After a while, you'll have to face what happened. Expect to lean on your friends or family like you've never had to before.

Talk to your friends. If you feel as if you are going to explode if you don't cry, cry on your bestie's shoulder—that is what friends are for, right? If you can't go to your friends because you don't think they understand what you're going through, try your family. Your family may be a wreck, but at least they can relate to your pain. Don't be surprised if cousins and siblings who are usually annoying become helpful. Take this opportunity to be close with them. (I'm sorry to tell you that it doesn't last long. My sister cried with me, but two weeks later, we were back to our normal bickering.) When I finally started emoting, I chose to the comfort of both my friends and family. I can assure you—crying with those who care about you feels good, even if it's the most awkward thing ever at first.

5. Expect to be exhausted.

While you're dealing with your grief, you will be exhausted. You will need to sleep to survive the next day. Go to bed early. Cry yourself to sleep if you must (I won't look), but try to get as much rest as possible.

6. Expect to find solace in pictures.

This may be painful at first, but it becomes comforting. We made a collage for my grandmother's funeral that's now in our dining room. I regularly see my grandmother's face, and although it makes me sad to know that she is never going to be around again, the pictures help me remember all the good times I shared with her, and it comforts me to know that she is no longer in pain.

From my experience, this is what you can expect. I also found that for someone who loves kids, having a younger cousin or sibling to play with and take care of is a wonderful way to keep your mind off of things. Taking care of my little cousin on the day my grandma died kept my mind in better places.

Anything she missed?

Related Post: Talking to a Friend After a Tragedy

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