Auntie SparkNotes: Sexual Pressure and Flaming Jerks

Dear Auntie,
I am 15 years old, and I have never been in a relationship. It's never been a problem for me, I just never met a guy that I liked enough to go out with. Anyway, I met this guy, Jamie, a while ago and we really hit it off. He was fun, and easy to get along with, and I started to really like him. I only saw him for one night, but we started texting and chatting, and getting to know each other better. The problem was, he kept saying these things that were just (not to sound like a grandma) inappropriate. For example, "If I were with you right now, would you give me a blowjob?" I would always reply no, but in a joking sort of way, and laugh off what ever it was that he said. I guess I just liked him too much to realize that I didn't agree with anything he said.

So just the other day (we still haven't seen each other since) he told me that he really liked me, and asked me what I thought about him. I told him I liked him too, and then after saying all this really nice stuff, he added, "But I'm used to going to third base with girls, so if you want to be with me, you will have to mature up, and realize that's it's not that big of a deal." He knows that I've never even had my first kiss before, and after only meeting him once, I am not at all comfortable with promising him anything like that. I told him it was a big deal to me. This went on for a while, him telling me why I should do stuff with me, and me saying why I just didn't want to. No matter how many times I told him, though, he just kept trying. I'm confused. How should I tell him what I think so he gets it without making it awkward, or is it wrong to try to make things work if I know all he cares about is that sort of stuff? I'm confused.

Well, of course you are, darling. Because when a person asks you to do something you don't want to do, you're supposed to be able to say, "Hey, I don't want to do that!"
And said person is supposed to respond with, "Okay! Let's talk about something else!"
Because that's how it works!

...Unless, of course, you're a flaming a-hole with no sense of human decency.

Which, in case it's not obvious, this guy is.

You've asked how you can tell him what you think so he'll get the message, but this problem has nothing to do with how (or how well) you've expressed yourself. Your issue isn't that he doesn't "get it" -- trust me, he gets it. You have clearly, repeatedly, directly expressed to him that you're not comfortable with what's happening.

The problem is that he knows you're uncomfortable... and he doesn't care.

Because he's a FLAMING A-HOLE!

We've already discussed at length that it's your choice, as a young adult, when and whether to hook up. If you want to have a physical relationship with a dude, that's totally okay. But it's also your choice to set boundaries, draw lines, and put on the brakes when you're uncomfortable—and since this stuff is a big deal to you, and you've made it clear that it's a big deal to you, the fact that he won't let this go and keeps trying to convince you to do something you're not ready for is all kinds of messed up.

The truth is that a decent guy (or girl) won't pressure you to do things, sexually, that you don't want to... and especially not with an idiotic line about being entitled to said sexual activity because he's "used to getting to third base with girls," which would be absolutely hilarious if it weren't so dumb and depressing. And for the record: just because one girl touched this guy's penis, it doesn't automatically mean that he gets to have his penis touched by every other girl in the world. GEEZ.

(And to the guy, if you're reading this: Really? I mean, really?! Come the [bleep] on, dude. You can't possibly be this dumb.)

As for you, Sparkler, you've stood your ground beautifully so far (and you should be really proud of yourself for that!), so clearly you're not one to crumble under pressure. And based on your letter, I think you already know that what this guy is doing is completely not okay. As for whether you should try and make things work... it's your decision, but I would strongly, strongly urge you not to waste your time with him. A guy doesn't respect your boundaries—sexual or otherwise—is not (not not not not NOT!) worth pursuing a relationship with.

Oh, and if he uses that line again? Feel free to tell him that you're used to having guys listen when you tell them "no" the first time, and if he wants to be with you, he'll have to mature up and realize that pressuring a girl to do stuff she's not comfortable with makes him a freaking date rapist.

Because it does.

Sexual pressure? Inappropriate innuendo? Flaming a-hole?! Tell us about it in the comments! And to get in touch with Auntie, send an email to advice@sparknotes.com or look her up on Facebook. Holler!