The Friday Awards

Hey there, Sparklers! Happy Friday! It's your SparkIntern here to bring you my first-ever FRIWARDS while Emily's on vacation. I’m so excited!!

Did you know that I scour through all your comments every week? You Sparklers are so funny that it makes me roflsmtipmp. If you’re not familiar with sarahspeak, that translates to "rolling on the floor laughing so much that I pee my pants."

Since I know so much about you, here's a little about me: I recently graduated from Florida State University with a B.A. in literature. I studied abroad for an entire semester in London, lived in the heart of Bloomsbury, walked the same streets of authors like Virginia Woolf, Charles Dickens, and Shakespeare, and got to travel all over Europe. After four months, I came back stupidly poor, but it was totes worth it. Now, I live near NYC with my bf and kitten, Mr. Butters, pursuing my career as a writer.

Quick Fun Facts about Me:
Favorite Book: Harry Potter series, of course.
Least Favorite Anything: Twilight
Favorite Cartoon: Misadventures of FlapJack or Phineas and Ferb
Favorite R-Rated Show: Trueblood
Favorite Snack: Fluffernutter
Biggest Disappointment on the Radio Right Now: "California Gurls" by Katie Perry

Okay that’s enough about me. Onto the Friamps!!!

Happy Belated Birthday to Shrunkun and allyownsyourface

SparkLife Scooby Snacks go to RustyApplesauce for decoding SHARK ATTACK!

Nostradamus Points go to LaineyOrSomething for scaring the pants of this intern so bad that she deleted all her online profiles.

Nickname of the Week goes to houseelfliberationfront

Epic I <3 SparkLife Points go to daisy_37 for this comment… Omg this totally happened to me. Five days w/o internet was torture!!! And the first thing i do when i got it back, Sparklife!!! Not even facebook/e-mail/celeb-gossip sites. What? I had to catch up, psh who cares about my fb-friends.

LOL Points to…

Illusiondestiny for this comment on A Day in the Life of Soon-To-Graduate High School Senior
Wow, ever since summer started, I've woken up at 12 PM EVERY SINGLE DAY. Then I realize that I had an appointment at 11 and panic. Then go back to bed.

jtjuvenile on 20 Failed SparkLife Post Ideas

OH NOOOO SPARKITORS! *tears hair out and puts on sack cloth* These post ideas are in NO way failed post ideas! I would love to read a post on 10 Illegal Things To Do With Potatos! The only one i can think of right now is using potatos as extra push up material in a bra. Definitely illegal and very unfair to the other girls. As for the other post ideas...one word: Awesome ideas. Okay, that's two. Deal with it.
So get to it, Sparkitors. Puh lease. With maraschino cherries on top. With a naked R-Patz on top. Thanks.
nightshade5509 on the same post…
Wait, wait. There are things that Miss Marm DOESN'T know about writing?! AAAAGGGHHHHHHH!! *personal apocalypse*

IxSeeAll for…

How about: Why Twilight is Better Than Harry Potter.
Typing that was actually a bit painful.

RedTurtlePS for…

I would love to see how someone rationalizes that Megan Fox is a good actress (it would either make them a really good liar or a really good persuasive writer, however you want to look at it; either way it would be funny).

Squelette for…

I have a friend who dates inanimate objects. His current girlfriend is a tape named Roxanne. I would say that he could write that guide, except he's not actually good at dating the inanimate objects. They always end up breaking up with him and moving to Mars/Oklahoma, or dying.

leames1701 for…

ugh, and why exactly is "Asking for Slug Repellant in 17 European Languages" a FAILED idea!?!?
Sparkitors, there are people like me that depend on you for your sage advice from your all-knowing minds. I could have used that article last week!
(shudders at the memory), so many slugs, so much yelling in Czech.
Why Sparkitors? WHY?????

And thecanofsoup for…

(I said I wanted to do it, and I did.)
The Many Uses of Pocket Lint:
1. When you find some place in it a container or bag. One day you will have enough to throw in the air and shout “IT'S SNOWING!!!” epically if you enlist the help of family and friends.
2. Forget cotton stuffed pillows, lint is twice as comfortable.
3. Don't like the look of your breakfast/lunch/dinner/snack? Oh shoot mom, there's lint on it. Can't eat it, because that would be gross.
4. Place in your siblings hair. Tell sibling's friends that he/she has dandruff.
5. If your evil stepmother and pushover dad lead you into the forest to die, exchange your helpful trail of breadcrumbs for lint. Only stupid birds would eat lint.
6. Thread lint and make a very original lint necklace, bracelet, ring or earrings! (Warning: may or may not work)

~too~ on A Day in the Life of a Second-Generation Indian (in American Public School)

mmph! that sounds like a challenging day. it makes my brain hurt just thinking about it . . . but my brain is turned off because its summer, meaning that everything makes it hurt.

Sara_95 on the same post…

FARTS ARE COOL!

Tigress_118 on QUIZINATOR: Will the Real Harry Potter Please Stand Up? Part Deux

.. Dudes. Act natural. There's a TWIHARD in our midst! Sparklife has been infiltrated! repeat, we have been infiltrated! A Team EDWARD Twihard to be exact. Oh man! Keep it together, we've prepared for this day... just get the stilt swords, jetpacks and bazookas, and everything will be OK...

SpiritFire8 on the same post…

I am...
SpiritFire8, Chelsea Dagger, Gary Potter, AND a robot?
Forget semi-transgender surgery (how would that even work, anyway?); my central processing unit is in serious need of re-configuration! HELP!!!

RainOnMe797 on Archaeologists from the Distant Future Uncover Urban Outfitters Store

Mating: It is believed that women would first attract a male by wearing brightly colored and eye catching face paint. This was part of a tribal tradition, mostly bringing focus to the eyes to entrance the male. They would then curl over with a scowl in an attempt to feign disinterest. This effect was assisted by the baggy, loose-fitting shirts they wore. If the male was interested, he would imitate the pose.

Trini94 for this comment on Auntie SparkNotes: Chicks Dig Scars

I think I have dyslexia or something.
I glanced at the title of this post and thought it said "Chelsea Dagger Digs Scars"...and now I have to wonder if this is a message from my subconscious. Does Chelsea indeed dig scars? The questions that keep me up at night...

FrolickingSheep for their comment on Playlist: the Songs of Summer

i wish i could apparate there. right. NOW. *turns on the spot*
*opens eyes*
what? NO!?!
*sigh*
my wizarding skills disappoint me yet again.

hlucero06 on How to Throw a Proper Pity Party

Pity party? This sounds like an epic party! You don't have to dress up, wear uncomfortable shoes, or worry about if your butt looks big in your pants. Just chilin' with your single friends, watching movies, and pigging out is SO much better!

And jai_pizza on the same post for…

Step #1 is the way to NEVER have a boyfriend. Just saying.

kylxy on Four Types of Rude People

I know one rude person who, unintentionally, eats everything. Seriously, if you put a bowl of chips (and I mean a BIG bowl) in front of this girl, she scarfs them down till there's none left for anyone else.

Nickname1010101 for the comment on How to Write a Children's Story

Fred the Squirrel:
One day, a squirrel named Fred went for a hike. It wasn't because he was happy, but because he was confused. For all of his life, Fred thought he was a cat. Being raised by cats, he knew no other animals. When he found out he was a squirrel, he began to question everything. What is the meaning of life? If all of what I've done is based of the assumption that I'm a cat, is it all worthless now? "What is life but fleeting moments soon forgotten swept away on an unkind wind?" As he pondered these things, Fred soon realized he was lost. And scared. And alone. And hearing strange sounds. Fred ran in terror, but soon "A Horror From the Deep" got him. Fred said that he didn't want to be eaten. But the horror of the deep convinced him otherwise, claiming that he wouldn't have to ponder such deep questions. Fred stood confused, but he was eaten before he could decide. Then Fred woke up from his nightmare and said, "Mommy Cat was right, I shouldn't eat candy before bed or look at my birth certificate. I guess I learned a lesson."
Moral: Kids, listen to your parents, even if they are cats, and your won't get eaten by giant monsters. . .
Maybe.

JuJukins on the same post…

My inner child is insulted.
I would never have read a boring story like this. Bring on the nightmare images and existential conflict and revenge fantasies! (Yes, even as child. I was strange, morbid, and had college-level reading at age 8. MWAHAHAHA.)

And nycomic56 for…

Once wrote a story for school called "The Littlest Lamppost". I was extremely proud of it until i realized it had the same plot as "The Brave Little Toaster". My teacher realized too...

love9696 for this comment on 4 Reasons Braces Aren't That Bad

Shut up. I hate braces. The end.

Potterlover19 on Auntie SparkNotes: Fuming Over Flirty Friends
Reading the comments on an Auntie SparkNotes post is like watching a soap opera.

And dramaKTO for…

@potter: yeah. it's like let's grab some popcorn and watch! It's better than Twilight! bahahahaha

aleyna22 for this comment on Take Your Mind off Summer Stress

I spent the first half of this summer trying to solve a childhood mystery!
My little sister and I were looking through my scrapbook of drawings and such from kindergarten, and I made this book called "A Very Hungry Kindergartner." (Like the caterpillar people!)
Anyways, one of the foods I put in there was "Hoodoos." And for the life of me I could not figure out what hoodoos were! Finally, my mother suggested that the "n" was an "h."
NOODLES!

mormongirl127 for…

loving. i just go out to my backyard and sleep on a large rock, like a lizard.
Eebyenoh on Grudging Admissions: Five Things About Twilight That Don't Totally Suck
I have seen greater mustaches on greater men. Charlie Swan's mustache is simply a small rodent living on his face and feeding on bits of the lasagna that Bella makes for Charlie.

loonylovegood15 for…

I think Jacob's abs are a distraction from the terrible plot line. I mean, you're watching it, skeptical, going "Ok, really, why can't they realize that it's a-OOOH! LOOKIT HIS ABS!"

Emily_Jeanette on the same post…

Not going. I just finished the 7th Harry Potter book today (yes, first time-I know that's sad) and it was so freaking amazing that I don't care about anything else and probably won't for another 17 months.

And MarauderPrincess for…

Eh... mustaches on Schnauzers are cute, you have to admit!

ChangminsBabyGirl on A Day in the Life of an 8th Grader at a Laptop School

GAH! WHY CAN'T I GO TO THIS SCHOOL?! NGL, I have mad typing skills, and I can actually DO skating and DDR (heavy mode, WHAT)! I could actually participate in gym! T.T

natallia1994 for the comment on Committee of Cool: Jason Derulo

every minute of that video was very very painful

muzik18 for…

yayy  haha Chelsea Dagger is awesome *buys truckload of Cheez-its for Chelsea*

travelwriter21 for…

The spike jacket scares me. Also...
GET THAT PRODUCT PLACEMENT OUTTA HERE. What sort of weird losers would be internet dating? On an ipad? At a CLUB?!? I thought people went to clubs so that they did not have to internet date!

Pandanana on the same post…

Darn, I wanted to be the first one to mention how Jason Derulo usually says his name at the very beginning of his songs.
But one must wonder why he does that.
Is it because he thinks everyone will forget the name of the person singing the song?
Like, "Hmm, I like the intro to this song, I wonder who sings it?"
"Jasoooon Deruuuulo"
"Well that was helpful..."

And fitzgeraldfan841 for…

Now that I think of it, Fergie likes to spell in many of her songs. F-E-R-G-I-L-I-C-I-O-U-S, G-L-A-M-O-R-O-U-S
Well, maybe that's not so many...

neomaxizoomdwbi for the comment on Summer Sparku

Sparklife
Sparklife is really
addicting. I haven't logged
off once. Is that bad?

mj_adams for…

@loveg9696 I dedicate this too you and your beach.
Oh stupid BP
your huge fail was so epic
we all hate your guts

time_turner for this…

Sparkitors are cool
Shameless attempts at bribing
Chelsea is sweaty

Zippicus2 on the same post...

Instead of working
or doing something useful
I made a haiku

friendlydragonette on Things Action Heroes Never Seem to Worry About

has anyone seen a spy movie (or book) where the main character was'nt a super genius, incredibly athlectic, and a superb dancer? when do they find time for lessons, or are they ingrained with all this genetically or cyberly? i'm just sayin'.

Trini94 for two comments on 10 Part-Time Job Survival Strategies (Which May or May Not Get You Fired)

I tried this, and I got fired. I'm suing Sparknotes. ;)

Aw...that was supposed to be an evil face...the smiley is much less threatening...well, you win again, Sparknotes. Until next time.

dramaKTO on the same post…

i had an interview for a part time job at a Bouncy House type place. it was perfect for birthday parties for little kids.
So anyways, one part of the interview was to create a character in order to get the kids riled up. I was wearing a crab hat, said my name was Sha-nay-nay, talked in a Jersey accent, and accidently used the word "aroused" in my presentation. I meant the HYPED UP meaning of the word NOT THE OTHER WAY! but the managers took it the perverted way, and I DIDN'T get the job. What's sad is that i was probably the best one there.
Yeah.

sportsaddict13 on How to Use Your Dan Points

And I loved the "victorious hip thrust" part...not that I know by experience or anything, but they really are quite satisfying

And aleyna22 for…

One time Dan liked my comment on his status, and I kind of died a little bit. Does that get me Dan points?
I think if I mentioned them to my mother in order to get a slurpee she would not be too amused because the woman LOVES Twilight. And Dan is the one who enlightened me on how stupid it is. D:

sgtpepper191 for the comment on Blogging My "The Internet is Broken!" Breakdown

One time I accidentally crashed my computer. It was starting up and there was a little message that said "Press F11 for emergency recovery", and I didn't know what that was, so I pressed it. BAD MOVE. Apparently it wasn't a super-secret guide to surviving a zombie attack after all.

And usmc_semperfi on the same post…

For me, it's
1.Realize the internet isn't working
2.Turn on the switch on the bottom of the computer that is in a prime place to be turned off
3.If that doesn't work, flip out. Wait until my dad gets home. Get figity when he doesn't immediately fix it.
This is of course checks to see if the internet came back on on its own.
Oh God, I just realized I'm addicted to the internet.

emgem789 on How To Kiss: Lucy on Tongue Wrangling

Kissing horses is more romantic and less akward

sunshine_AZ for…

Hmmm...I think it would be a little disturbing to see someone running around with their eyes closed and their tongue out knowing they are trying to kiss you. RUN AWAY!!

Shyell for the comment on The Dos and Dont's of a Day at the Beach

@redheadlover: My computer isn't even LETTING me open the link. I think it knows I won't be able to handle it. Thank you, computer.

The_Drum_Minor for…

We have seen this stock photo previously.
I'm like an elephant, Sparkitors...
I never forget.
*chilling music swells ominously*
*cough* ANYway, I enjoyed this article. ^-^

The_ Familiar for the comment on Auntie SparkNotes: For the Love of Cats

Cats are only good for killing rodents. And then they bring their headless bodies back to you to show their love. WHY DO YOU WANT A HEADLESS MOUSE?!

And kittysaysmrowww for…

@The_Familar DO YOU WANT LIVE MICE EATING YOUR FOOD AND BRINGING COUNTLESS DISEASES INTO YOUR HOME AND POSSIBLE DOMINATING THE WORLD AND ENSLAVING YOU AND YOUR LOVED ONES?!

sgtpepper191 on Travel Buddies: The Dirty Details

Ron Weasley from AVPM is the ORIGINAL Nom Nom Monster, yo.
Okay, WHATEVER YOU DO, do NOT bring a Lumberjack into a heavily wooded area, and especially don't feed them anything involving flapjacks and maple syrup! This causes an accelerated case of Paul Bunyan's disease, wherein said person morphs into a giant lumberjack and bursts through the ceiling, enraged at how many trees still stand in his/her vicinity.
Just ask Dr. McNinja.

And MugSpark for…

i talk in my sleep, so does mybrother one time he was like " No! I dont wanna go into the future!" hahaha

AlwaysAmyM on A Day in the Life of an Academically-Gifted Australian Student on a Farm

I admit, I giggled when I read "go to the loo."

epicality on the same post…

Did anyone else read this whole article with an austrailian accent?
...No? Just me then...

RustyApplesauce for the comment on SparkLife Culinary Institute: Pizza Pie

This reminds me of that Dean Martin song - 'When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, thats amore...'
I don't know what pizza pies have to do with love though.
And I doubt they look anything like the moon.
How does a moon hit your eye anyway??

blue_wafflez on SparkNotes Movie Club Discussion: The Notebook

All Nicholas Sparks books are the same. Two or more people fall in love, someone dies, and half or more of the audience cries. I like his last name though, it reminds me of Sparknotes.

agentplatypus on the same post…

OHMYGOSH poor Scooter the Puppy :'(
Is is weird that I care more about Dan's two-sentence creation then Notebook and Noah dying by special love powers?

embracethecheese for…

Wait, Nicholas Sparks's parents died from true love?!
:O
See that? Flying out the window? Yeah, that was just my faith in reality. Don't worry about it. I'll be fine.

reader_girl101 for…

6. Letter #365
Dear Allie,
I now have arthritis, I give up.
Noah

ESKan for the comment on My Crush Is Mentally Disturbed

Luckily I'm a mankler. That enables me to crush on LUNA LOVEGOOD! *goes outside to check radish patch*

~too~ again on Life in the Plaid Zone

do you go go hogwarts?
i bet you go to hogwarts. the evidence is listed very convincingly.
1. you spelled it 'honoUrs math'
2. you wear a uniform
3. you get out at noon on fridays
its settled. bearsly goes to hogwarts.

^ the reason that her classes aren't charms and transfiguration and astronomy is because she's not allowed to blow her cover. but thats okay. cuz i figured it out.

Congrats Frampions!!!!