Redumbdancy, you just saved us the pain of having to slog through Crime and Punishment. We owe ya one!— Sparkitors
All you want to do this summer is sleep until 3 pm every day, challenge yourself to ice cream eating contests, and reread Harry Potter until your eyes falls out. Unfortunately, there's something standing in your way: required reading. Why teachers insist on polluting our glorious vacations with homework is a mystery, but I'm here to help you avoid the tedium and tragedy of summer assignments. Here's everything you need to know!
Disclaimer: I mean no disrespect to any of these authors. I admire each and every one of them, and accept the fact that the complexity oftheir work is far beyond my brain’s ability to comprehend. I created a summary of these works of literature so those of my IQ level can enjoy them too.
Book: Crime and Punishment:
Important Characters: Raskolnikov, Sonia the prostitute, the horse, Pawnbroker.
Plot: Razzie needs money, so he kills a rich pawnbroker and her sister. Obviously his planning is impeccable because no one finds out it was him until he confesses 10,000 pages later. He has symbolic dreams that haunt him, and one is about murdering a horse under peer pressure. He falls in love with Sonia, who is *ahem* a bit more experienced than him, and she follows him to Siberia (where fun goes to die), where they “live happily ever after” in prison.
Themes: Guilt. Murder. Prostitution. Peer Pressure.
Book: The Road
Important Characters: Father. Son. Shopping cart.
Plot: Takes place after the apocalypse. Father and Son go on endless journey to find civilization. Come across cannibals that refer to a pregnant woman as a “refrigerator”. Everyone is depressed. People taste good.
Themes: Post apocalyptic life sucks. Don’t eat people, its mean.
Book: Stargirl
Important Character: Stargirl.
Plot: There isn’t one.
Themes: It’s ok to be different.
Book: Pride and Prejudice
Important Characters: Elizabeth Bennet, Mr. Darcy (swoon). Mr. Bingley. The Bennet sisters.
Plot: Hot bachelors come to town to rock the Bennet sisters’ world. Witty Elizabeth and arrogant Darcy fall in love. It’s meant to be (megaswoon).
Themes: Marry rich. Definitely.
Book: Twilight
Important Characters: Edward. Bella. Jacob. Gratuitous hot vampires and sexy werewolves.
Plot: Dan the Man explains it better than I ever could.
Themes: Undead stalkers make the best boyfriends.
How would you summarize your favorite book in a few sentences?
Related post: Perfect Summer Reads
Topics: Books
Tags: twilight, homework, summer, books, novels, reading, pride and prejudice, reading list, the road, crime and punish
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