The Harry Potter Fan Meter

BlazingDogstar, you are officially on Level Red, and you're an inspiration to us all. — Sparkitors

With the recent grand opening of the Wizarding World of Harry Potter theme and the upcoming release of part 1 of The Deathly Hallows (November isn't that far off) I've been thinking about all of the die-hard Team Harry fans around the world. It occured to me that there are several different types of HP fans, so I constructed this Fan Meter to help you identify which level of Fandom you currently occupy!

Level Black:
Usually identified by their vacant expressions during canonical discussions and their inability to define such basic terms as "Horcrux," "Portkey," and "House-Elf," the Level Black fan is on the bottom rung of the ladder. They haven't read the series, but claim to "get it" since they've seen all of the movies (and let's face it: though the movies are solid cinematic gold, they don't come close to capturing the true epic-ness of the books). Much like the majority of the Tornados fans during the 1994-1995 Hogwarts school year, Level Blacks are "fair-weather fans" who have wormed their way into the fandom ranks simply because it's the "it" thing to do. Luckily, they have (for the most part) been weeded out due to the increasing popularity of the Twilight series (Thank you, Stephenie Meyer).

Level Green:
Like Level Blacks, Level Greens are people who haven't read the books—yet. With all of the news coverage, praise, and obsession that the series has inspired over the last decade, these poor souls are understandably doubtful that the books can live up to their massive hype. If you're on a higher fan level, it is your patriotic duty to convince these people to enjoy the series. To increase a Level Green's interest, try starting with the following:

Oh, last night? I had this awesome conversation with a friend of mine about the Harry Potter series. We were talking about how Voldemort's second reign resembled Hitler's rule, particularly the aspects of ethnic cleansing and the control of the media. Deep stuff, man!

Do NOT open with this:

Oh, last night? I was READING HARRY POTTER, DUH. You know the Yule Ball scene in Goblet of Fire? BEST. SCENE. EVER. OMG IT'S THE VERY MOMENT WHEN RON AND HERMIONE'S EPIC ROMANCE BEGINS! And the HAGRID BACKSTORY. He's a half-giant! HIS PARENTS HAD GIANT SEX. OMG, RIGHT?!  That reminds me of this fanfic I read about his dad and his mum!!! See, they were trapped in the mountains, freezing to death, so they turned to one another for body heat and one thing led to another and—hey! Wait! Where are you going?! I AINT' DONE YET!!! GET BACK HERE!!! READ THE BOOKS!!! READ THE BOOKS!!! READ THEMMMMM!!!

Level Yellow:
The Level Yellow fan has read the series and has launched herself into the realm of obsession. S/he recognizes the depth of the characters, admires the way everything falls perfectly into place at the end of the series, and is in awe of the masterfully-woven subplots. The Level Yellow is known by his/her friends and family as "the Harry Potter kid," "the one with the book," or "completely mental." This fan constantly tries to introduce topics like Snape: Hero or Slimeball? into completely unrelated conversations, and often brings up obscure Harry Potter quotes or references in the vain hope that a fellow Level Yellow will overhear and an everlasting nerdy friendship will result.

Level Red:
At some point in almost every Level Yellow's life, there comes a time when they can take it no more. Desperate for a fellow fan to converse with, the Level Yellow turns to the only place on the planet that can provide 24/7 amusement, entertainment, and answers: the Internet. This weary soul types the words "Harry Potter" into Google, her finger taps the enter key, and then—BAM. She's suddenly staring at dozens of blue links! Slightly overwhelmed, the befuddled fan leans back in her chair and takes a deep breath as  she attempts to regain her bearings. After a moment, she scans the links and descriptions, finally winding up at a professional and beautiful website like Mugglenet, The Leaky Cauldron, or (nearest and dearest to my own heart) Immeritus. She spends hours reading the content on the site, basking in the glow of victory. She's done it! She's found other fans! Her obsession has reached new heights, but she no longer feels the need to try to explain to her family what's so special about the Harry Potter series—she knows where to go to find people that will listen. This fan is soon seen hanging around bookstores and captivating strangers with her knowledge of the wizarding world. This is the fan that changes the world, one reader at a time.

Are you CHANGING THE WORLD, one reader at a time? Yeah , us neither. But we're working on it!

Related post: You Know You're Obsessed with Harry Potter When...