A few of the crushes are repeats, but the comedy is fresh in this post by kamiruhasaface. —Sparkitors
Okay, so maybe I’m the only girl who goes for the mentally ill, but I don’t think so. Isn’t there something alluring about a man with a past? The brooding dark hottie steeped in mystery, and maybe a little bit of crazy juice? Don’t you want to be the one to give him a big hug and melts his stoic persona, so he collapses in a puddle of tears in your arms before murdering you? (What? A girl can dream.) Here’s my list of the sexiest mentally disturbed men I know. Of course, I’m leaving out the anime characters. My beloved SparkNotes does not have room for 50 pages of mush.
From the Movies
1. Louis de Pointe du Lac from Interview with a Vampire ( Major Depression): I love you, Edward, but you were always second place in my heart. Has Brad Pitt ever been sexier than he was in this movie? He was depressed, angry, and woeful because of his horrible past, but you could see the depths of his love for his family. Why did he have to suffer so?! Because it made him uberhot. If Louis de Pointe du Lac bit my neck, I’d die happy.
2. Harry Potter from Harry Potter (Teen Angst): I mean, really. He was a cute, chubby little ball of British 11-year-old in the first few movies, but as the HP movies got darker, Harry got sexier. The screaming at Dumbldore? The dark, burning anger left from his parents’ murder? What else can you ask for? Nothing is hotter than a wizard off his Prozac. The more movies that come out, the more I long for the Hogwarts Express. Come on, you know you all died a little inside when you didn’t get that letter when you turned 11.
3. Hannibal Lector from Hannibal Rising (Anthropophagy): He was crazy, he was violent, he ate faces! Ladies and gentlemen, I give you a smoldering hunk of man. Not only was the actor a cutie pie, but the complex, mysterious character of Hannibal made me swoon. Sure, he liked stabbing and squishing and drowning… and burning… and eating human flesh… but it was all in the name of love! He wanted revenge for the death of his family. Such passion! Lady Murasaki loved him, didn’t she?
4. Phantom from Phantom of the Opera (Body Dismorphic Disorder): We all know him and we all love him. Not only is his mind a little off-center, but his face is a metaphorical representation of his inner pain. Inner pain, ladies and gentlemen, inner pain. He was so mysterious and so in love! And his younger self! All I want to do is hug him and give him a big teddy bear and maybe some Olay Regenerist.
5. Edward from Edward Scissorhands (Social Anxiety Disorder): First of all, it’s a young Johnny Depp. Second of all, it’s a young Johnny Depp. Third of all, he’s just so alone! His only father-like figure died in his arms, and he’s been living in an attic since. How many times was he hugged? How many times has he been hugged, Sparklers!?
Fathers Of Literature
1. Edgar Allan Poe (Manic Depression): In real life, not the most handsome man I’ve ever come across. When I read his stories, however, he becomes quite dashing. I think I would avoid anyone who went around ripping cats’ eyes out, but that was just his characters. Poe, on the other hand, was only a depressed drunkard with bipolar disorder. No big deal. And what an intellectual!
2. Shakespeare (Incurable Morbidity): How many tragedies can you write before someone starts referring you to the school counselor? Fortunately for us, Shakespeare was free to unleash his depressing works of art at will. Why can’t we have more men with such a deep understanding of true romance? Othello! Romeo and Juliet! Poetry makes me melt. “You art more lovely and more temperate…” Not many girls today can say their man writes that well. Of course, I hope not many girls’ love stories end the way Shakespeare’s did.
Tell me your favorite chemically unbalanced crushes, Sparklers!
Related Post: Auntie SparkNotes: Not That Kind of Crazy
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