Committee of Cool: Jason Derulo
Last week, we all fell a little bit in love: first with the fabulously over-the-top Adam Lambert (Those boots! That hair! Those seizure-inducing strobe lights!) and second with the king of snack-food, the Cheez-It. This week, we're going to up the infatuation factor yet again and give you another somewhat attractive, fairly talented man to gush over, along with a brand new delectable delicacy: Duck meat wontons. Yep. Those. You love them, we love them, everybody loves a good duck meat won—oh, who are we kidding, you know where our noshing loyalties lie. CHEEZ-ITS OR DEATH. ARE YOU WITH US?
Now that we've established our completely normal cracker-based fanaticism, let's venture on to the music video of the week, which this editor happens to be SPECTACULARLY fond of. Why? You're going to have to read the live chat to find out. But first, wipe those Triscuit crumbs off your face, you traitor. YOU'RE MAKING ME SICK.
Music Selection by: Chelsea Dagger
Artist: Jason Derulo
Song: Ridin' Solo
TRANSCRIPT OF LIVE CHAT:
Chelsea: EVERYONE HERE?!?
Emily: This is shoe store music. I want to be smelling leather right now.
Chelsea: If by “shoe store,” you mean “IN DA CLUB,” I totally agree. And I happen to be wearing men's "authentic leather-scented" deodorant.
Emily: I'm just watching this for the first time right now...is Snooki in it?
Chelsea: SNOOKI?! How DARE you slander Jason thusly?!
Emma: Can you send the link?
Chelsea: EMMA GET IT TOGETHER WE'RE ALREADY SLANDERING OVER HERE. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ESdn0MuJWQ
Emily: He's not really moon-walking. You can't see the bottom of his feet! He's a fraud!
Emma: He's a total fraud. How dare he??? On the anniversary of Michael's death no less!
Emma: First Jason stole Imogen Heap's magic, now Michael's!!!
Chelsea: This is exciting! I think Jason has incurred Emma's wrath!
Emily: That jacket is so dangerous. Every time I'd wipe my nose on it, I'd be like “I'm riding nosebleed.”
Chelsea: That wasn't very funny, Emily. But I see where you were going with the joke.
Emily: What does all this mean: “first Jason stole Imogen Heap's magic”?
Chelsea: She was talking about his other song, dunklehead!
Emily: I couldn't get it right. When you edit this, make it rhyme.
Chelsea: Make WHAT rhyme? YOU ARE TALKING NONSENSE.
Emily: This song reminds me of the Miley song. About liking songs that aren't hers.
Chelsea: Where she's all "and a Jay Z song was onnnnnnn"?
Emma: What's with the gratuitous shot of the watch at :53? What a lazy product placement. It's just sitting on the floor. He's not even wearing it. That song is called "Party in the USA." Don't even pretend you don't love it.
Chelsea: He includes gratuitous shots of all of his material possessions, including his HONDA. Ridin LOW, so-LOW, in a HONDA. Get it?
Emma: This is embarrassing to watch.
Chelsea: Other product placement: iPad. Pond of Fish dating site.
Emma: It's we’re like spying on someone leaping around his bedroom lip synching.
Emily: I'm doing this thing. I'm doing this thing. I'm doing this other thing. Hooooray!
Chelsea: You guys have proved time and time again that you just don’t understand musical genius. All the lights! All the fraudulent dancing! I love it. I want to listen to it every day while I practice my dance grooves in front of a gigantic CGI screen.
Emma: Wait, I just got to the Plenty of Fish part.
Chelsea: Oh yes. He is single. He is lovin’ it. He is dating online.
Emily: Chelsea, the hipsters in Williamsburg are not on Plentyoffish.
Chelsea: It is modern. It is risky. It is EXACLY WHAT I WANT MY LIFE TO BE LIKE. Anyways I don’t want to date a hipster anymore, I want to date Jason Derulo, AND HE IS ON PLENTYOFFISH. He also wears pants tucked into shoes and suspenders.
Emily: No he's not.
Chelsea: He also rocks a Honda minivan. He also dances like the wind.
Emily: His lyrics are making me want to vomit.
Emma: Chelsea, Jason is too cool for internet dating!
Emily: Why would he be on a dating site if he was already “feeling like a star whose shine cannot be stopped”?
Chelsea: My favorite lyric is "lovin myself makes me want to sing" because it reminds me of that Auntie Sparknotes post. SO CONTROVERSIAL. Did you guys read the YouTube comments? Do you know how he's dancing like that? A TREADMILL. HE'S ON A TREADMILL.
Emily: I can't believe he's on a dumb treadmill. I mean, what a faker.
Chelsea: It does break my heart a little. Nonetheless: his clothes are still tight. Tiggity-tight. "Clean," as the members of Outkast might say. “Fresh.”
Emily: Chelsea, I think now is the time for you to dance.
Chelsea: I’ve been dancing since this live chat started. I’m dancing right now.
Emma: Sparklers: Chelsea is not dancing. She is sitting slumped in her chair next to a giant box of Corn Flakes.
Chelsea: CORNFLAKES ARE SO GOOD. And by so good, I mean so deeply, deeply disgusting. Sparklers, don’t eat Corn Flakes. Live your lives. Be happy.
Chelsea: Honda CRZ just rolled by again. SO PIMPIN’. Got LOVE for the Honda. Someone think of a Honda joke. I am drowning.
Chelsea: Oh, I have something funny to say! Here it is: "I like when people spell things out in songs, like how he spells S-O-L-O." BAM.
Emily: Why is that F-U-N-N-Y?
Emma: Yeah, I don’t get it.
Chelsea: Because then, if you guys were clever at all, which you are not, you would bring up all the other songs where they spell stuff. G-L-A-M-O-R-O-U-S, flossy flossy.
Emma: It's different when Fergie does it.
Chelsea: Dang. Spelled that one wrong. How deeply ironic.
Emily: “Solo” is SUCH a short word. It's just not impressive. Like, we ALL new how to spell it before he went and did that.
Emma: Chelsea, how is it "deeply ironic"? Do you know what "ironic" means?
Chelsea: No. But I always like to say it.
Emma: Great. I'm so glad we hired you to be an editor at sparknotes.com.
Chelsea: Ironic is when you hit Emma in the head with a banana but she likes bananas and eats it so the whole thing sort of backfires?
Emily: I clicked on the link because i thought it would be something else.
Chelsea: I thought it would be a helpful definition, but it was just SHAMELESS SELF PROMOTION.
Emily: Link out!
Chelsea: Maybe I should just go on dictionary.com.
Emily: L-I-N-K SPACE O-U-T. I am feeling link out. There is something there. Let's use it.
Chelsea: If you were the last girl on earth, and the last guys left were the lead singer of Metro Station, Jason Derulo, and Adam Lambert, which one would you date?
Emma: Obviously Jason Derulo.
Emily: That's not even a question. It's an ironical.
Chelsea: I think all the boys would resort to dating each other and would just use Emily for food because she thinks "link out" is something special. Also I don’t think "ironical" is a noun. But I can't be sure, since I don’t even know what “ironic” means.
Emily: Use me for food? Like chop off my arm and eat it?
Chelsea: Yes. Exactly.
Emily: Why, when there's so much going on right next to me?
Chelsea: CHEEZITS. I had two packets for lunch and they were spectacular.
Emma: Where are they dating each other, in an apocalyptic wasteland? And I hope you're taking vitamins, Chelsea. Be careful you don't get scurvy.
Chelsea: Good question, Emma. I was thinking more like a deserted island, but I like your suggestion. It would be like "The Road" but more lively! And there’s romance, to balance out the cannibalism. Also, scurvy isn’t real. It’s just something pirates get in movies. And Jason Derulo would still love me if I had it.
Emily: What about that guy with all the vegetables? Would you date him? How does he measure up to Jason?
Chelsea: Oh, I would pick him! I forgot!
Emily: Over Jason?
Chelsea: Jason dances too well. We could never be happy together. Our relationship would be destroyed by jealousy.
Emily: And treadmills.
Chelsea: You would date a treadmill?
Emma: What are you guys TALKING about?
Emma: I can't follow what anyone's saying.
Emily: Jason. He was like, just moving one foot.
Chelsea: FIRE DRILL! (That was to confuse Emma.)
Emma: Thanks a lot, guys. I already cried on the futon last night.
Chelsea: WHY’D YOU CRY???
Emma: Because I was grumpy and I read a sad book.
Chelsea: Did you read the 7th Harry Potter? I bet you did.
Emma: I read “Gate at the Stairs” like an adult.
Chelsea: That title sounds like a Led Zeppeling song. Don’t like it.
Emma: Chelsea, when you say "Led Zeppeling"...
Chelsea: When I say Led Zeppeling, I MEAN LED ZEEPPELING.
Emma: Ok, so when you say "Led Zeepeling"...
Chelsea: I MEAN THE JONAS BROTHERS.
Emma: Got it.
Emily: I still can’t think of a Honda joke. Honda.... Hondo... nope.
Chelsea: It’s harder than it seems. Something from that “Baby Got Back” song?
Chelsea: Yes, of course. Trunk. Hi-LARIOUSSSS, Emily.
Emma: I'd like to put my...junk in his...trunk...
Emily: I can only think of things like "hon-don't."
Chelsea: Well that’s sort of clever. SIKE. Did you guys used to say “sike”?
Chelsea: BAM! FIRST!
Emma: Yeah, totes magotes. NOW THERE IS A FIRE DRILL FOR REAL! (ed note: Sparklers, the fire alarm has been going off all day.)
Chelsea: RUN! FIRE!
Emma: YOU CAN'T CONFUSE ME.
Chelsea: DEATH! FIRE! Emma, I just iced your mind with a fire drill.
Emily: That's ironic, Chelsea.
Emily: Your name takes so long to type.
Chelsea: That’s why everyone calls me DJ Funkmaster C. Because it’s shorter.
Emily: I'm out of here.
Are going to be.
Emma Chastain has left.
Emily Winter has left.
Chelsea: Man, you guys spelled all the good words already...
Related posts: The Committee of Cool: Jape, The Committee of Cool: Janelle Monae, The Committee of Cool: the Jonas Brothers, The Committee of Cool: Death Cab for Cutie, The Committee of Cool: Metro Station, The Committee of Cool: Adam Lambert