The Friday Awards

Last Friday, this ed went home and locked herself in her broom-closet-sized office so she could finally finally finally get some writing done. Instead, she ended up checking the Friwards comments incessantly, and trying and failing to make her own "Camels Like to Dine on Innocence and Wine" dance mix in Garage Band.

So much for a productive Friday.

BUT it gave her the idea that the more musically-inclined Sparklers might be able to song-ify last week's secret message (and maybe include this week's, too?). This ed would totes majotes post your "Camels Like to Dine" song on SparkLife if you send it to contribute@sparknotes.com!

Oh, and we all read last week's comments about a new Chris Listens. It'll be hard to find a replacement, but we're working on it!

Now, awards...

Happy Belated Birthday to villanous_mwaha, DancingDesiGirl, beagle48644, partypenguin, McGonagall62, boredandsinging, loveg9696, redheadlover391, lilliputian10, and Your_Average_Zebra!

Happy Birthday, lost_in_mirkwood!

The Indiana Jones and the Temple of SparkLife Award for decoding last week's hidden message the fastest goes to Eebyenoh!

Editor Helper Points go to The_Drum_Minor for helping this ed understand high school marching bands, and gracehfung for helping her plan her trip to Hong Kong!!!

Nickname of the Week goes to ravens&writing_desks.

LOL Points to...

GoSeaTurtles for this comment on the post How to Stay Calm When Your Friend Gets A Fancy New Phone...

Pfft...(that was me scoffing) I don't even OWN a cell phone. Yeah, that's right. I SMOKE SIGNAL. It totally rocks except you smell like camp fire for three days after you contact somebody. And service is horrible on windy days....(sniffle) I miss my telegraph!

lord_ruthven for this comment on the same post...

I've found that a good way of dealing with this problem is to know everything about cell phones, so that when your friend shows you their new cell phone, YOU are the one who is explaining its cool features to THEM. You can be the first one to make macaroni and cheese on their phone, and they can eat their words.

annalizfell for this comment on Three Epic Summer FAILS...

I've been biking almost every day this summer and now from gripping the handlebars the tops of my hands are super tan but my fingers are still pastey white. FAIL.

paper_girl123 for this comment on the same post...
Sit on a hot slide with shorts on- FAIL.
Jump in the pool with your ipod in your pocket- FAIL.
Decide on non-waterproof mascara on the sweatiest day of the year- Fail.
Your mum decided to sunbathe topless on a beach-... disturbing, really...

sportsaddict13 for...

I went to Hawaii for a training camp (swimming) and it was an outdoor pool. I have two training suits=two different tans. Then we went to the beach. I had a bikini=one more tan. The end result? My butt looks like one of them colour pallets you get at a hardware store when you're looking for paint...*facepalm*

Spectacles_Not_Glasses for...
i dont worry much about sunburns because im like bread i get darker until i toast then i start burning but im also like Chelsea Dagger, an uber sweater i sweat a lot but not as much as her, just close

IxSeexAll for this thought-provoking remark on My Crush Is a Creeper...

And -- Why can't real-life creepers be like literary creepers?

romancingvulcans for this comment on How to Get Out of a Date...

I prefer the "No I INSIST you should not walk me to my door. No, you may not come to my door. My door is VERY VERY sensitive on who comes to it." (while the person is not at your door yell GOODNIGHT FRIEND)

crazyfightingninga for this comment on A N00b's Disney Adventure: Snow White...

My boyfriend and I watching this together and then he told me to be like Snow White and make him a sandwich. Thanks alot, Snow White.

OnomatopoeiaPalindrome for this comment on Magical Professions for Every Aspiring Wizard...

The Job: Chosen One
Description: Must be willing to save the Wizarding World, have family issues, and have a noseless psycho after you.
You Might Like This Job If: You have a lightning bolt scar, glasses, perpetually messy hair, and you mother's eyes.

Timetodance for this comment on Would Supernatural Creatures Make Good Friends?...
You're missing some key mythical creatures.
Unicorn. pro: can ride then, and they randomly blow out sparkles. con: they might accidentally stab you with that horn
Yeti: pro: scares away those pesky hikers. con: great at stealth so you can't play hide and seek with them
Pokemon: pro: they're so cute and have amazing moves. con: then you have to catch 'em all

time_turner for this comment on the same post...
House elf:
Pro: They clean up after you, cook, heed your every command, etc.
Con: That whole self-flagellation thing can get annoying after a while.
Centaur:
Pro: Very smart, fast runners, strong upper body, awesome weapons.
Con: They are always focusing on the stars, also can't go swimming, which sucks in the summer.

BrandNewEyes for...
Thestrals:
Pro: They always know where to go. You just tell one where you're supposed to be, and they take you there. You could go to Brazil. Heck, you could probably go to Mars and back.
Con: You can't see them unless you've watched someone kick the bucket. Which really sucks, because it's kind of hard to ride it when it's invisble.

Coral107 for...
Mummies:
Pros: Look cool and mysterious, will always supply you with bandages.
Cons: The bandages won't be very clean and will be infected with "The Pharaoh's Curse." They walk really slow, costing you the three legged race. Whenever you yell out Mummy, people will think you're looking for your mother.

romancingvulcans for...
Dwarves: Pro: loyal, good black/gold/mythrial/ etc smiths
Con: Bad dancers, acholics, and annoyingly stubborn all the time

verbomaniac012 for...
Haha the dragon one reminded me of this day I was in the library at school....
Weird kid: I'd like to check these books out, Mr. Librarian. And here are the ones I took out last week.
Librarian: *looks at the books and sighs* .... You know, I never realized how many books we had about dragons until you started checking them out.
Me: ROFL

ESKan for...
Phoenix:
PROS: Incredibly loyal, beautiful, has healing powers.
CONS: May spontaneously combust, setting your house on fire, and then transforms into a cute little baby bird and pretends it knows nothing. And how could he not, with those eyes.
Jormungandr
PROS: You win every pet race in instants because he covers both the start and finish lines. Also no one else has one.
CONS: He doesn't fit into your house. Or the world, for that matter.
Pegasus
PROS: It's a flying, white horse. Need I say more?
CONS: Poseidon will get very, very mad at you if he figures out that you stole his horse. You wouldn't want that to happen.
Dementor
PROS: Kiss very sensually. Also, they might be very handsome. No one has ever seen one's face.
CONS: You might be left soulless after a cuddle session.

sgtpepper191 for this comment on How to Make Everyone on an Airplane Hate You...

I saw a picture of Snape standing up in a plane saying, "I can teach you to bewitch the mind and ensnare the senses....," with everyone else telling him to sit down and be quiet.
The caption was "Snape's on a Plane".
(....you know, like "Snakes on a Plane". It took me a second to get it, too.)

Saphiraspell for this comment on the same post...
Other Ways to Make People on an Airplane Hate You:
1. Steal all of the dessert from the stewardess's carts and hide it under your seat. Then, marvel as the passengers plan mutiny. (You get the best results if your flight is long. Not that I would know... *shifty eyes*)
2. Yell things like "The wings are NOT, I repeat, NOT on fire.", "There are SNAKES on this PLANE!", and "Look! There's Edward Cullen!".
3. Decorate your seat. Lay doilies over the armrests and hang a "Home Sweet Home" sign over your head.
4. Lead your fellow passengers in a rousing chorus of Poker Face by Lady Gaga. Watch how many start making a parachute out of their spare blankets by the fifth time around.

McGonagall62 for this comment on Committee of Cool: Adam Lambert...
where did he buy pants that are that tight? Limited Too?

apots352 for this comment on the same post...
why does adam lambert look like a white rihanna in that pic?

Legit_Mrs_Darcy for this comment on Auntie SparkNotes: A Very Dumb Engagement...
Bugs are second on my list of things that shouldn't exist; right behind Justin Bieber.

abbyiscool13 for this comment on Mother Goose Revisited...
little jack horner sounds like a prostitute

UrsulaOOO for this comment on the same post...

Rock-a-bye Baby
Original Rhyme:
Rock-a-bye baby, on the tree top.
When the wind blows, the cradle will rock.
When the bough breaks, the cradle will fall.
And down will come baby, cradle and all.
Analysis: What kind of parents leave their infants on top of trees?!?! How do they perch cradles on top of trees?? Obviously not very carefully, as the slightest breeze shakes the cradle. Also, why can't they put their baby in a sturdy tree? For goodness' sake, babies aren't so heavy as to break a strong tree limb! And, most importantly, why do parents sing this to their babies as a lullaby!?! They are talking about babies dying!
Moral of the story: Don't put babies in trees.

Lady_Sunshine3 for this comment on Welcome to the SparkLife Culinary Institute...
the guy in the picture looks like he doesnt even know the name of the thing hes holding let along be able to use it!

time_turner for this comment on How To Tell If Someone You've Just Met Is Creepy...
Smells weird, like unwashed socks, hair grease, and stuff no one wants to think about.

brontethecat for this comment on the same post...
This article is the reason I carry pepper spray. I would love to carry a pie, but sometimes it's just not practical.

flaming_candle for...

Oh no. I think I'm a creeper. When I meet people I have to smell their feet. :\ I don't know why, maybe I'm part dog and I get to know people by smelling them. My closest friends are okay with it, but let's just say I have trouble making good first impressions....

NerdAppeal___ for this comment on Pet Funerals: An Illustrated Guide...
My brother wants his life goal to be to domesticate an armadillo. Eh...that's something I can support.

burnauburn for this comment on the same post...

My sister got a goldfish and named him Chaim. That means 'life' in Hebrew.
He died very soon after.
We held a funeral service in the bathroom preceding the ceremonial flushing,and then pasted a epitaph on the inside of the toilet cover so that visitors will be ever conscious of Chaim's passing.

ESKan for this comment on today's Auntie post...

My mom met my dad in a softball team too.

...

AUNTIE? ARE YOU MY MOMMY?

CONGRATS FRIAMPS!!!