Would Supernatural Creatures Make Good Friends?

By Robert Isenberg

June 22, 2010

Vampires

PROS: They like to stay up all night. They're very mature and charming conversationalists. Lots of fun party tricks (turning into werewolves and bats). Usually attractive. Wear cool outfits.

CONS: They are evil, undead monsters that drain the blood of the living. Also, sometimes they are really snobby. They sleep all day. People are always attacking them with wooden stakes, so you might accidentally get a splinter. They always talk you out of becoming a vampire, too, insisting that "you don't want this" and "I yearn for ordinary life." Yawn.

Werewolves

PROS: They're mysterious. Mystery can be cool.

CONS: They turn into ravenous wolves every full moon. They hunt human beings. They never clean up after themselves. They're always insisting that "I have no control over this." That's quitter talk.

Zombies

PROS: They're very genuine. Very goal-oriented. Community is important to them.

CONS: They're resuscitated corpses. They never open up about their thoughts or feelings, because they have no thoughts or feelings. They're always mumbling something about "brains." Yes, yes—brains, you eat them, we get it. Can't we talk about something else?

Frankenstein's Monster

PROS: Loyal, intelligent, very well read. He's incredibly strong and loves to travel.

CONS: Mobs are always chasing him with torches, so he probably doesn't have a lot of energy to hang out in his spare time.

Minotaur

PROS: Sweet pad (lives in a cool underground labyrinth). Loves to show off feats of strength. Good at handling bullies.

CONS: Bouts of uncontrollable rage. Also, can only speak Ancient Greek.

Hobbits

PROS: Clean, fastidious, hospitable, friendly.

CONS: Regular smokers. Compulsive over-eaters. Nice, but in an annoying way. Smelly feet (there, I said it).

Dragons

PROS: Fun to ride.

CONS: Hard to train.