Magical Professions for Every Aspiring Wizard

Still waiting around for your Hogwarts acceptance letter to arrive? Awww. Hey, don't worry—we're sure your owl just got lost on the way. (They probably sent it via that winged doofus, Errol. When will they learn not to use him!) To pass the time while you wait, perhaps you should figure out which magic-related career is best suited to your scholarly strengths! After all, your course of study at Hogwarts will vary depending on whether you're looking to hunt dark wizards as an Auror, forecast the future as a Seer, or become a professor and nurture the next generation of wizards at your very own alma mater. So, take a break from watching your mail slot for an owl-delivered envelope, and look instead at this lovely list of possible professions put together by your SparkNotes editors.

The job: Auror
Description: Responsible for catching evil-doing wizards and witches and bringing them to justice.
You might like this job if: You have an aptitude for dueling, a taste for danger, and a general indifference to the possibility of death/dismemberment.

The job: Ministry of Magic, Muggle Relations Division
Description: Keep the existence of the magical world secret from unsuspecting muggles; research the uses of muggle artifacts for the purpose of inter-world understanding/cooperation.
You might like this job if: You are good at lying and/or endlessly fascinated by mundane objects such as toothbrushes, lint, and ballpoint pens.

The job: Herbologist
Description: Cultivate and study the properties of magical plants for use in potions, medicines, etc.
You might like this job if: You are a socially awkward person who prefers the company of screeching mandrakes to other human beings.

The job: Hogwarts High Inquisitor
Description: Act as a pawn for corrupt ministry officials; interfere in educational matters for nefarious purposes; irritate the crap out of everybody.
You might like this job if: You are priggish, generally unlikeable, and prone to obnoxious throat-clearing in social situations. Ability to wear pink and inflict pain also a plus.

The job: House Elf
Description: Submit to a life of endless drudging enslavement in the hopes that someone will eventually set you free by giving you a sock.
You might like this job if: You enjoy cooking, cleaning, self-flagellation, and endless abuse at the hands of evil pureblood wizards.

The job: Hogwarts Groundskeeper
Description: Maintenance and rule enforcement on Hogwarts campus; general gophering.
You might like this job if: You have no discernible magical abilities, and stratospheric levels of hair grease. Slightly inappropriate co-dependent relationship with your cat also a plus.

The job: Professional Quidditch Player
Description: Play quidditch for one of several dozen regional or national league teams.
You might like this job if: You enjoy flying and have a natural resistance to broom-related crotch chafing.

Did we miss your preferred wizardly profession? Add it in the comments!

Related post: 5 Signs You've Been Accepted to Hogwarts