How to Stay Calm When Your Friend Gets A Fancy New Phone

The Pros and Cons of... Competitive Swimming

The Friday Awards

By Emily Winter

June 18, 2010

Whhhhhat up, Sparklers?!

Wait, we know all about what is up! It has come to our attention that there is AN ISSUE we should talk about with the whole group. (Except you, Sally. Cover your eyes!)

Lately, many of you hardcore Sparklers have been like, "HEY, EMILY, LISTEN UP: WHERE'S CHRIS LISTENS?!? We miss him!"

For you N00bs, Chris was a dude advice columnist who took a hiatus to do awesome creative projects and go on tour with his band, or something very cool and similar to that. This ed emailed him a month ago to see if he was still being a busy rock star. Sadly, unfortunately, stormy weather-y, everything in his life is going SO WELL that he can't currently commit to being the type of Chris Listens who actually listens.

So, Sparklers, we'd like to take this opportunity to ask you: Do you want a new male advice columnist to complement Auntie? If yes, should we choose a grownup like Chris, or a Mankler? Leave your opinions in the comments!

Now, AWARDS!

Happy Birthday to Peonies_and_Flan, xXx_lola_xXx, pink_diamond6483, Bethanyla, Pookafalicious, and Superhero001!

Nickname of the Week goes to Someone_Threw_My_Shoe

The Super Sparkler Spy Award goes to synchrogirl117 for being the only Sparkler to decode the complete hidden message in last week's Friday Awards! (It was "more cheese!")

Bravery Points go to darthvortex for this comment on the karaoke post...

One of my worst karaoke experiences: I was in Portugal, attempting to rap "I'll Be Missing You" in front of a crowd of Portuguese strangers and the French family I was staying with. When it got to the chorus, I had to sing it an octave lower. It was okay though because the family cheered loudly for me, drowning out the crickets from the rest of the audience.

(Lots and Lots of) LOL Points to...

pikori for this comment on A Foreigner's Take on American Summer Camps...

A Foreigner's Take on American Summer Camps

http://community.sparknotes.com/2010/06/14/w

I live in a small town in missourah and we have an abundance of lakes, you can borrow one if you want, we wont miss it.

[30] By: McGonagall62 | June 14, 2010 at 1:37 pm

I'm pretty sure that they build camps AROUND lakes, because let's face it, if you take swimming, canoeing and kayaking away from camp, it's just a bunch of kids living in a crappy cabin in the woods.

[38] By: pikori | June 14, 2010 at 2:54 pm

Beavers and moose? Then it's definitely a Canadian camp.

[49] By: flaming_candle | June 14, 2010 at 5:58 pm

Auntie SparkNotes: Coming Out with Confidence

http://community.sparknotes.com/2010/06/14/auntie-sparknotes-coming-out-with-confidence

Question: Why is the SQUIRREL in the picture on the wall NAKED, but wearing an APRON whilst standing in the living room? And why is the lizard NAKED as well? Some sort of creepy NAKED animal fetish maybe? HMM? And don't even get me started on the PASTY Edward-Cullen-esque HUMAN!

*twitch*

[24] By: SpiffyAlien | June 14, 2010 at 1:24 pm

http://community.sparknotes.com/2010/06/14/cute-thing-of-the-week-49

"Aw man, someone forgot to turn off the lights again. I promise I'm much scarier at night!"

[13] By: home9310 | June 14, 2010 at 1:43 pm

My eyes shoot lasers and flashing sets them off so you might want to back up unless you want to die!

[16] By: Denisey94 | June 14, 2010 at 1:47 pm

*RAWR!! this is MY lair! you will NOT enter!

[19] By: minipinkelephant | June 14, 2010 at 1:59 pm

Coming Soon: "Watership Down"... now in 3-D!!!!!!!!!!!!

[20] By: Tigress_118 | June 14, 2010 at 2:16 pm

"Oh, I'm big-headed, you say?! Says you who can't even fit your head through my door!"

[55] By: Ze_Mathiea | June 14, 2010 at 7:17 pm

'Steroids: don't do them. Want a reason? I used to be a lab rat.'

[66] By: DamselindisDress | June 14, 2010 at 9:15 pm

Dear nunshavingfun,

Warning: Your name can be dangerously confused for nun shaving fun. Just so you know.

[79] By: Kirlyq | June 15, 2010 at 11:55 am

*in creepy voice* "You're wrong, Dan... Don't flex your calf muscle. Twitch the nose... Watch closely... Closer... Closer..."

[23] By: pollysmiles101 | June 14, 2010 at 2:26 pm

Were you wondering why my head is so large? *twitch* All I can say is avoid the 4 leafed clovers, they're special...*twitch*

[24] By: Rumbleroar2 | June 14, 2010 at 2:33 pm

"This is my pet flower pot! Don't judge me!"

[39] By: BellaSwan1 | June 14, 2010 at 3:38 pm

My Crush Is a Disembodied Voice

http://community.sparknotes.com/2010/06/14/my-crush-is-a-disembodied-voice

Ah, the british accent. Who can resist a nice hottie WITH a voice that's as interesting as his big, beautiful, blue eyes with those eyelashes that just scream LOVE ME!

[9] By: minipinkelephant | June 14, 2010 at 2:06 pm

A disembodied voice? HA!

I fell in love with a lot of Sparklers here while only having read their comments in open threads!

[17] By: ESKan | June 14, 2010 at 3:11 pm

We're Bringin' Sexy Back—and It's Called The QUIZINATOR

http://community.sparknotes.com/2010/06/14/were-bringin-sexy-back%E2%80%94and-its-called-the-quizinator

I only got 7200. I'm not sweaty enough to be Chelsea Dagger.

[10] By: pullingpuzzles | June 14, 2010 at 4:15 pm

good to know that if i asked you to prom, you might have considered it (:

that's waht keeps me goiing (;

[12] By: LiMeGrEeN916 | June 14, 2010 at 4:16 pm

It surprises me that no one has written "I have a crush on a harry potter character" last time I checked it was one of the top obsessions of sparklers

[18] By: Bookworm385 | June 14, 2010 at 4:21 pm

ATTENTION CHELSEA DAGGER: WILL YOU BE MY BFF? PLEASE??????

Because even the WRONG choices on this quiz were hysterical. "The Committee of Chelsea Dagger is Kind of Awful" or whatever that choice was had melaughing for a good 30 seconds, which really hurt my score

[33] By: synchrogirl117 | June 14, 2010 at 4:29 pm

I'm Chealsea Dagger. Huh, I never knew that. Thank you for solving my identity crisis, sparklife.

[105] By: prolife795 | June 14, 2010 at 11:41 pm

What Are These Things in Your Refrigerator?

http://community.sparknotes.com/2010/06/14/what-are-these-things-in-your-refrigerator

Last Christmas we found a box of corn flakes from 2007.

My brother refused to eat the casserole my mom made with them.

It was pretty good, actually.

.....

What? I was hungry.

We do have approximately four dozen boxes of opened and half eaten graham crackers, because you can't close the box easily and the crackers go stale. By the time you eat half, the other half is stale, then they are pushed to the back of the pantry and a new box is bought.

[16] By: rebel_of_nowhere | June 14, 2010 at 5:30 pm

When my family was going through their "fresh food" phase we made our own ravioli and filled it with cheesey-spinach stuff. It tasted great.Finding the container filled with cheese a month later? Not so great, taste or smell.

[23] By: AsvoriaBlade | June 14, 2010 at 5:39 pm

Exhibit K: Da' Lump

Yes, the lump. It might have been covered in tin foil... at some point. But now any covering has been molecularly bonded to the food the was its original inhabitant. It smells like brown and, if you were to take a bite, paralysis would begin within 10 seconds.

[34] By: travelwriter21 | June 14, 2010 at 7:14 pm

Na-Na Why Don’t You Get a Job?

http://community.sparknotes.com/2010/06/14/na-na-why-don%E2%80%99t-you-get-a-job

When I first saw the title of this post I thought it would be about nagging your grandma to get a job..

[10] By: pennboz | June 14, 2010 at 6:27 pm

Bahaha! I'm barely a day into summer vacation, and I've already reached the point where putting on pants is almost just too much trouble.

[21] By: Helena_24 | June 14, 2010 at 7:11 pm

A Guys' Guide to Mastering The Movie Date

http://community.sparknotes.com/2010/06/15/a-guys-guide-to-mastering-the-movie-date

I think movies are boring. Why watch someone ride a dragon or take over the world when you can do it yourself!? My dream date would be to go dragon hunting, and then after finding the perfect dragon fly on it to Australia and pet a kangaroo (because I have my dragon and my boyfriend for protection). Then create an army of kangaroos, use them to take over Australia (I'd change the name to Awesomealia), get rid of money and use chickens for currency. Yup.

[24] By: flaming_candle | June 15, 2010 at 3:25 pm

...Historically significant cemeteries aren't good for dates?? Crap... guess I'll be changing my weekend plans.

Sad thing is, I wish I was kidding Dead sirius here. (RAB is still alive, though.)

[31] By: nox_light47 | June 15, 2010 at 8:06 pm

Literary Sequels, as Pitched by Hollywood

http://community.sparknotes.com/2010/06/15/literary-sequels-as-pitched-by-hollywood

Twilight 5: Solar Flare

Twilight is back (there was just too much money in it). In this highly anticipated follow up book, seven-year-old Renesmee sues Jacob for sexual harassment, and Edward seeks a divorce after Bella grows a spine. The Volturi are imposing taxes and health and safety rules left, right and center, and the Cullen coven are finally arrested for fraud and murder. Will there be a happy ending? Will somebody of consequence actually die? Coming June 2020.

Rated R for strong laguage and explicit sex scenes (Not endorsed by Stephanie Meyer).

[16] By: paper_girl123 | June 15, 2010 at 1:47 pm

Of Mice and Microsoft [SPOILER ALERT]

George and Lennie migrate from office building to office building in search of work, and every time, Lennie gets in trouble for doing stupid things, like getting a virus on the computer or breaking the mice. One time, in Weed, he broke the simulated hallicinations on a virtual-druggie's monitor, so the virtual-druggie horde chased them out. He has an affinity for clicking mice and sometimes keeps them in his pocket, which irritates George sometimes. He and George share a dream of owning their own office building, with lots of shiny computers and sharp pencils and a giant coffee machine, and Lennie gets to clean the mice. At their last job, Lennie steals all the mice, and clicks them too hard, so they break, and he hides them in his cubicle. The boss's son's robo-wife gives him an old mouse from 1994, but Lennie is dumb and clumsy, so he accidentally ensnares the robo-wife in the wires and she/it trips and explodes, setting the office building on fire. Everyone makes it out ok, except the boss, who ate too many Big-Macs and died of a heart-attack, so George is elected boss and fires Lennie, who finds a job tending rabbits in a pet shop the next morning.

The End

[24] By: The_Beatlemaniac | June 15, 2010 at 6:50 pm

Odyssey 2: At Point Blank Range.

Odysseus and his bow are back, and ready to kick some bu-ckets! Together with his son Telemachus, who learned martial arts from an old ninja master, he travels around Ancient Greece to save Penelope, who has been captured by the evil Opticles Primus. Was his aim as steady as before? Does Penelope love Opticles more? And can Telemachus complete the Trial Of The Thousand Blades?

Rated R for unnecessary violence, complete denial of history, and misusage of every cliché possible.

[31] By: ESKan | June 16, 2010 at 3:38 am

Auntie SparkNotes: All in the Family

http://community.sparknotes.com/2010/06/15/auntie-sparknotes-all-in-the-family

Is... is there something wrong with having a machine-gun station wagon?

Just kidding. We don't HAVE a machine-gun station wagon. We have a machine-gun minivan.

[19] By: nightshade5509 | June 15, 2010 at 1:36 pm

Characteristics of a Movie Snob

http://community.sparknotes.com/2010/06/15/characteristics-of-a-movie-snob

I was scared off movies when I saw the Care Bear movie in kindergarten. You didn't think Care Bears could be scary, did you? They were terrifying, believe me.

[5] By: IndigoGal | June 15, 2010 at 2:16 pm

Is Your Tattoo Better/Worse Than Dan Bergstein's?

http://community.sparknotes.com/2010/06/15/is-your-tattoo-betterworse-than-dan-bergsteins

haha

Okay, so I just went to the Twitter page...and is that an actual PHOTOGRAPH of Dan Bergstein I see? :O

DAN! Watch out! Now we can find you!! (lol not really...)

[21] By: Wizard_Allie | June 15, 2010 at 4:10 pm

I want to get socks tattooed on my feet so that I'll never have to wear socks again. Hey, less laundry, no stinky feet, and no mismatched socks!

[51] By: aleyna22 | June 15, 2010 at 10:29 pm

You forgot "twilight makes sense" in the list of bad tattoos!

[65] By: imlora | June 16, 2010 at 2:07 pm

The Advantages of Art Class

http://community.sparknotes.com/2010/06/15/the-advantages-of-art-class

My school requires that you take a full year art class or 2 half year ones to graduate. I've taken Crafts, Vocal Workshop, and Video & Film. What I've learned:

1. The pottery wheel hates me.

2. You do not get bored of goofing around in the choir practice rooms even after a whole semester.

3. I will never touch a pottery wheel again.

4. Rosebud was a sled. It symbolized Kane's lost childhood. And some other stuff.

5. Pottery wheels aren't as fun as they look on tv.

6. Movie editing is kinda fun. But tedious.

7. Pottery wheels^2=Evil.

[16] By: AlwaysAmyM | June 15, 2010 at 4:43 pm

Huzzah for the arts! They are they only known antidote to the evil sometimes refered to as "math"

[28] By: travelwriter21 | June 15, 2010 at 5:46 pm

@travelwriter, do you mean *whispers* Voldemort?

[35] By: nonickname34 | June 15, 2010 at 8:05 pm

I can't draw to save my life. I'm still sort of at the stick man stage...

[49] By: hanini_panini | June 16, 2010 at 4:29 am

The Committee of Cool: Metro Station

http://community.sparknotes.com/2010/06/15/the-committee-of-cool-metro-station

*shake shake shake shake shake it shake shake shake shake shake it* Wow. I love those lyrics, they're just so original it makes me want to spew rainbows and butterflies out my ears. (sarcasm hand raised, of course.)

[22] By: Silly_Elphaba | June 15, 2010 at 6:10 pm

top ten omigod! and that lead singer who's miley's brother went out with demi lovato. and the other guy is mitchell musso's brother. what horrors. all of them.

[10] By: misselainius | June 15, 2010 at 5:34 pm

they have eye liner on. Bad band.

[56] By: ben_cramer | June 15, 2010 at 11:30 pm

Trace Cyrus looks like a horse with large, unattractive mole-piercings. And all of them need to find pants that aren't five sizes too small. GOSH.

Now that that song is stuck in my head, may I, um, "borrow" some Ritz crackers to make me feel better pretty pretty please?

[58] By: Kelxan17 | June 16, 2010 at 12:17 am

Lyric dissection time!

"I'll take you home if you dont leave me at the front door"

That sounds like a quality relationship right there.

"We're on the bed but your clothes are laying right there,

And I was thinking of places that I could hide"

I don't think now is a good time for hiding. She might be a bit offended.

"Shake shake, shake shake a-shake-it"

Ohhhhhh, so that's how you get the ketchup out of the bottle! I hate when it's all stuck at the bottom ...

[79] By: Kirlyq | June 16, 2010 at 6:43 pm

This Guy Wins the Internet

http://community.sparknotes.com/2010/06/16/this-guy-wins-the-internet

There isn't a name for the number this guy deserves for being sooooooo A-to-the-MAZING. This man is my new favorite person in the universe. He just wins at life in general.

I love Zach!!!

[22] By: ellielikespie | June 16, 2010 at 1:39 pm

This guy is full of Win.

Seriously.

[25] By: readysetrosemary | June 16, 2010 at 1:44 pm

I think I've found my new spaceship captain for when I explore the outer space. Sorry DBerg, you're moving to co-pilot.

[38] By: PrestigiousTimeLady | June 16, 2010 at 2:40 pm

The Peruvian Pommel Horses

The Cottage Cheese Kurds

The Boston Boxer Shorts

The Mexican Jumping Beans

19 Teams You Won't See in the World Cup

http://community.sparknotes.com/2010/06/16/19-teams-you-wont-see-in-the-world-cup

[16] By: fitzgeraldfan841 | June 16, 2010 at 1:58 pm

...But, something tells me I'd root even more for the South-Swedichoclian Sobbing Saps.

[19] By: SpiffyAlien | June 16, 2010 at 2:04 pm

World... Cup? Are we talking about Quidditch? I thought that wasn't until August. Did they move it up this year? Why doesn't anyone tell me these things? Crap, my friends are going to kill me, I was supposed to get them tickets for the championship game. And now I lost that bet, I thought for sure the Scottish Nifflers would make it in. By the way, what's with that typo? Nibblers? And hey, you also spelled "Quidditch" like "Soccer." This is so confusing...

[21] By: Tigress_118 | June 16, 2010 at 2:20 pm

what about the lawless fish of Lilliput

[24] By: emgem789 | June 16, 2010 at 3:04 pm

If you're in South Africa and you don't have a vuvuzela you are so NOT ayoba, my bru I guarrantee that if you do find a cave-dwelling hermit (which might be difficult) they will probably have a vuvuzela

[22] By: RustyApplesauce | June 16, 2010 at 2:29 pm

The Antartican Ants

They didn't make it because they suffered many injuries and deaths from being stepped on

[39] By: jeng15 | June 16, 2010 at 8:09 pm

Pretty Little Recap: Episode 2

http://community.sparknotes.com/2010/06/16/pretty-little-recap-episode-2

"Coffee sex" *snort*

Personally, I think someone installed hidden cameras EVERYWHERE in town, because that's the only way anyone could ever catch all four of these girls doing all the bad things that they do. And obviously, whoever set up these hidden cameras has no life and spends all days watching said cameras and thinking of creepy text messages to send. I mean, that's the only way this could all possibly be plausible.

[22] By: Someone_Threw_My_Shoe | June 16, 2010 at 4:10 pm

haha this show has all the makings of a great teenage drama. A multitude of questions, hot guys, catty girls and a vengeful blind chick (I bet she's not really blind...).

[29] By: Phay1508 | June 16, 2010 at 4:26 pm

Hahahaha this is BRILLIANT!

To pick your STRIPPER name:

First Name: the name of a pet you have/had.

Last Name: the name a street you live on/have once lived on.

Examples: Viva Casino (my boyfriend, yes), Bailey Dickinson (friend), and ofc... Huggy Manhattan, possibly the best stripper name OF ALL TIME.

It's my mom's.

[33] By: nox_light47 | June 16, 2010 at 5:53 pm

CNN would be a lot more fun to watch if they had anchors named Velociraptor Crossbow, I'd recommend it for FOX but I think their anchors already have the crazy weaponized dinosaur thing down.

[48] By: Helena3191 | June 16, 2010 at 10:17 pm

Pshh, I wouldn't follow any of those rules, if I were to be any of those occupations I would be Peanutbutter Love, well if I were a wrestler it would be Crunchy Peanutbutter Love, and rapper Peanutbutter LOVE, and I guess adding "and the allstars" would be acceptable. I wonder if I should have a stage name for when I'm a pharmacist? Being Dr. Love would be pretty awesome.

[20] By: Denisey94 | June 16, 2010 at 4:29 pm

Ode to the Pretzel Cone

http://community.sparknotes.com/2010/06/16/ode-to-the-pretzel-cone

That sounds gross and delicious at the same time! I have a question... will the pretzel get soggy? Because I eat ice cream so slowly that WWIII could break out, my house could explode, and Lady Gaga could walk outside without makeup before I finish my ice cream. Just sayin'.

[31] By: hlucero06 | June 16, 2010 at 7:04 pm

The next step in ice cream cone technology? THE FRENCH FRY CONE!!!

I mean, have you ever dipped french fries in soft serve ice cream? It's magic. Utter magic. Now, imagine that magic in CONE FORM!!!

I know. I started crying too. It's just... so beautiful...

[45] By: Tigress_118 | June 16, 2010 at 8:53 pm

I really want some pretzels now. I also want everything to be made out of pretzel. *Licks laptop* Okay, maybe not everything. That'd get really distracting, we'd all be fat, and nothing would last that long. But there should be more pretzel things! Pretzel pencils?

[47] By: BotheringTrees | June 16, 2010 at 10:07 pm

Auntie SparkNotes: Love Thyself (Hee Hee)

http://community.sparknotes.com/2010/06/16/auntie-sparknotes-love-thyself-hee-hee

We had a sex ed class this year and our book called it 'paddling the pink canoe.' I'm never going boating again.

[16] By: RosaPi | June 16, 2010 at 6:36 pm

@Clairevoyagerfan people find it awkward because it means that you don't have anyone to have sex with.

Also, when you have sex, theres someone else there, so it's not as private as paddling the pink canoe, because when you paddle, its just you and your canoe

[47] By: marsquatch18 | June 16, 2010 at 8:03 pm

@KTkat2416, i fear the day i will go on a camping trip with my parents and see a actual pink canoe... i'll probably tip over the canoe in the process of lmao.

[55] By: MusicChic123 | June 16, 2010 at 8:23 pm

...

*giggles immaturely at all the lovely euphemisms floating around*

[149] By: mewxretasu | June 17, 2010 at 1:59 pm

A Day in the Life of a Guinea Pig

http://community.sparknotes.com/2010/06/16/a-day-in-the-life-of-a-guinea-pig

I saw the words "Thank you AP World" and I think I threw up a little.

[25] By: epicality | June 16, 2010 at 11:30 pm

http://community.sparknotes.com/2010/06/16/get-your-hands-on-some-silly-bandz

I don't wear them and I haven't seen many of them... but you know which ones I *would* wear? Those of the SparkLife variety.

For irony's sake, they should make a "Scary Things I Don't Want Near My Wrist" Pack. This would include things such as shark jaws and flesh-eating bacteria. I don't know how they would distinguish the flesh-eating bacteria from friendlier microbes, but hey. I'll leave that to the professionals.

[10] By: The_Drum_Minor | June 16, 2010 at 10:14 pm

You had a WHOLE POST to put in a Harry Potter reference, and you didn't even mention the word "magic"?!?!

What about a Harry Potter pack? A wand shape, a wizard hat, the Sorcerer's stone...

Wait. Basically all I've got here is a stick, a triangle and a circle. Hey, it's the Hallows!

HOLY CRAP I JUST HAD AN EPIPHANY.

My mind is blown.

[17] By: one25centpeice | June 16, 2010 at 10:25 pm

My mom bought me a cheap 12 pack of numbers. There was 3 zeros, which were all shaped like a perfect circle. Come on, can't you try a little harder?

[33] By: bookluvr1226 | June 16, 2010 at 11:20 pm

What the... (Pork Products Edition)

http://community.sparknotes.com/2010/06/17/what-the-pork-products-edition

The expecting mom can hear the baby talking to her in her head. The baby said (in a demonic voice), "If you don't pose naked with a meaty smiley face, then when I get out of here I will make you play volleyball with an eyepatch on your good eye."

And you know how hard that is.

[33] By: Sepia93 | June 17, 2010 at 4:02 pm

The Haircut of Doom

http://community.sparknotes.com/2010/06/17/the-haircut-of-doom

I love walking into my hairdresser's salon and just saying, "The regular." It makes me feel all cool.

Even though my hairdresser is my aunt...

[28] By: agentplatypus | June 17, 2010 at 3:37 pm

How Can You Read in the Car?

http://community.sparknotes.com/2010/06/17/how-can-you-read-in-the-car

Dan, the only possible explanation I can think of for you not being able to read while in the car is that you're the DRIVER. Please don't read while driving. It will hurt.

If you're not the driver and you still can't read, please do continue with your exercises.

[5] By: DarkRose11 | June 17, 2010 at 3:57 p

I'm pretty sure that they build camps AROUND lakes, because let's face it, if you take swimming, canoeing and kayaking away from camp, it's just a bunch of kids living in a crappy cabin in the woods.

SpiffyAlien for this comment on Auntie SparkNotes: Coming Out with Confidenc e...

*twitch*

minipinkelephant for this comment on My Crush Is a Disembodied Voice...

Ah, the british accent. Who can resist a nice hottie WITH a voice that's as interesting as his big, beautiful, blue eyes with those eyelashes that just scream LOVE ME!

ESKan for...

A disembodied voice? HA!

I fell in love with a lot of Sparklers here while only having read their comments in open threads!

pullingpuzzles for this comment on We're Bringin' Sexy Back—and It's Called The QUIZINATOR...

I only got 7200. I'm not sweaty enough to be Chelsea Dagger.

prolife795 for this comment on the same post...

I'm Chealsea Dagger. Huh, I never knew that. Thank you for solving my identity crisis, sparklife.

rebel_of_nowhere for this comment on What Are These Things in Your Refrigerator?...

Last Christmas we found a box of corn flakes from 2007.

My brother refused to eat the casserole my mom made with them.

It was pretty good, actually.

.....

What? I was hungry.

AsvoriaBlade for this comment on the same post...

travelwriter21 for...

Exhibit K: Da' Lump

pennboz for this comment on Na-Na Why Don’t You Get a Job? ...

When I first saw the title of this post I thought it would be about nagging your grandma to get a job..

Helena_24 for this comment on the same post...

Bahaha! I'm barely a day into summer vacation, and I've already reached the point where putting on pants is almost just too much trouble.

flaming_candle for this comment on A Guys' Guide to Mastering The Movie Date...

nox_light47 for this comment on the same post...

...Historically significant cemeteries aren't good for dates?? Crap... guess I'll be changing my weekend plans.

Sad thing is, I wish I was kidding Dead sirius here. (RAB is still alive, though.)

paper_girl123 for this comment on Literary Sequels, as Pitched by Hollywood

Twilight 5: Solar Flare

Rated R for strong laguage and explicit sex scenes (Not endorsed by Stephanie Meyer).

The_Beatlemaniac for this comment on the same post...

Of Mice and Microsoft [SPOILER ALERT]

The End

ESKan for...

Odyssey 2: At Point Blank Range.

Rated R for unnecessary violence, complete denial of history, and misusage of every cliché possible.

partypenguin for..

Romeo and Juliet: The rise of the fallen

Synopsis: Romeo and Juliet's love for each other goes beyond death. But, since they are both in tombs and cannot reach each other to go give each other some special hugs, they decide to break free, as Zombies. But, now that they are free, they want something else. Brains. Will their hunger for brains be too much on their already disasterous love? And will the Roltouri, the Zombie clan that rules over all the other zombies, seperate them for eternity? Find out, in this hit new sequel.- 106 minutes. Rated PG-13 for innapropriate face-touching, Twilight references, and rude behavior.

booksroxmysox09 for...

Romeo and Juliet 2: Love Never EVER dies.

In modern day California, Ray Montague (descendant of Romeo) is trying to understand high school, girls, and the weird love he feels for stabbing people. Suddenly, the long dead Juliet Capulet rises from the grave and declares Ray to be her eternal love! In fish out water/ zombie fashion, this summer's new rom-com has all the fun of Corpse Bride, excepted less animated and less Jonny Depp-ed! Will Ray convince Juliet he is not her true love, or will he be doomed to be married to the tragic female forever?Rated PG-13 for implausible setting and disregard for history, lack of Johnny Depp, and Juliet's ramblings about destiny.

hedwigenthusiast for...

Animal Farm 2- Evolution

Set 100 years after Napoleon and his gang had taken over the farm; evolution has taken place to the point of a new race of highly intelligent demi-pigs. Times have changed since the battle of the cowshed, and now humans are being farmed for meat. John Smith and cohorts are sick of being exploited and dream of a life free from the devilish swine, together they imagine a world where every creature is equal.

Will the humans be able to beat the pigs and implement their new system of government or will they simply be served up for breakfast?190 minutes. Rated R for scenes of graphic pig related violence.

rebmevoNovember for this comment on that post...

One of my chronic nightmares is what Scarlett O'Hara would be like in the 21st century. Can you imagine the catfights? The miniskirts? The overdone makeup? The boyfriend-stealing?

nightshade5509 for this comment on Auntie SparkNotes: All in the Family...

Is... is there something wrong with having a machine-gun station wagon?

Just kidding. We don't HAVE a machine-gun station wagon. We have a machine-gun minivan.

aleyna22 for this comment on Is Your Tattoo Better/Worse Than Dan Bergstein's?...

I want to get socks tattooed on my feet so that I'll never have to wear socks again. Hey, less laundry, no stinky feet, and no mismatched socks!

AlwaysAmyM for this comment on The Advantages of Art Class...

My school requires that you take a full year art class or 2 half year ones to graduate. I've taken Crafts, Vocal Workshop, and Video & Film. What I've learned:

1. The pottery wheel hates me.

2. You do not get bored of goofing around in the choir practice rooms even after a whole semester.

3. I will never touch a pottery wheel again.

4. Rosebud was a sled. It symbolized Kane's lost childhood. And some other stuff.

5. Pottery wheels aren't as fun as they look on tv.

6. Movie editing is kinda fun. But tedious.

7. Pottery wheels^2=Evil.

Kirlyq for this comment on The Committee of Cool: Metro Station

Lyric dissection time!

"I'll take you home if you dont leave me at the front door"

That sounds like a quality relationship right there.

"We're on the bed but your clothes are laying right there,

And I was thinking of places that I could hide"

I don't think now is a good time for hiding. She might be a bit offended.

"Shake shake, shake shake a-shake-it"

Ohhhhhh, so that's how you get the ketchup out of the bottle! I hate when it's all stuck at the bottom ...

Tigress_118 for this comment on 19 Teams You Won't See in the World Cup...

emgem789 for this comment on the same post...

what about the lawless fish of Lilliput

nox_light47 for this comment on How to Pick Your Stage Name...

Hahahaha this is BRILLIANT!

To pick your STRIPPER name:

First Name: the name of a pet you have/had.

Last Name: the name a street you live on/have once lived on.

Examples: Viva Casino (my boyfriend, yes), Bailey Dickinson (friend), and ofc... Huggy Manhattan, possibly the best stripper name OF ALL TIME.

It's my mom's.

(Sidenote: This ed just realized she could be Cocoa Driggs, which is awesome, but not as awesome as Huggy Manhattan. [This other ed's stripper name is Coco Draper!])

Helena3191 for this comment on the same post...

CNN would be a lot more fun to watch if they had anchors named Velociraptor Crossbow, I'd recommend it for FOX but I think their anchors already have the crazy weaponized dinosaur thing down.

Denisey94 for...

hlucero06 for this comment on Ode to the Pretzel Cone...

BotheringTrees for this comment on the same post...

RosaPi for this comment on Auntie SparkNotes: Love Thyself (Hee Hee)

We had a sex ed class this year and our book called it 'paddling the pink canoe.' I'm never going boating again.

marsquatch18 for...

@Clairevoyagerfan people find it awkward because it means that you don't have anyone to have sex with.

Also, when you have sex, theres someone else there, so it's not as private as paddling the pink canoe, because when you paddle, its just you and your canoe

MusicChic123 for...

@KTkat2416, i fear the day i will go on a camping trip with my parents and see a actual pink canoe... i'll probably tip over the canoe in the process of lmao.

epicality for this comment on A Day in the Life of a Guinea Pig...