Unless you're a cave-dwelling hermit with no TV, no internet access, and no friends, you've probably heard by now that this year's FIFA World Cup is currently underway in South Africa. (Note: The prior statement does not apply if you live in South Africa, where even the cave-dwelling hermits are probably blowing on vuvuzuelas right now.)
A thrilling quadrennial event in which the world's greatest soccer players go head-to-head for goals, glory, and a big freakin' trophy, the World Cup is one of the most exciting athletic events ever... but it's also wicked hard to even get there. Only 32 countries can qualify to send their teams to the competition, leaving the rest of the world to sit on their hands and cry while South Africa's Bafana, the U.S. Yanks, Les Bleus of France, and other brilliantly-nicknamed teams battle their way to the finals.
And what of all those who didn't qualify?
We thought you'd never ask! Because today, SparkNotes is paying tribute to all the teams that didn't quite make it to the World Cup*. Best of luck next time, guys; we're very sorry that we won't get to spend the next few weeks watching the on-field antics of...
The East Cleveland Paintsniffers
The Ugly Babies of Tuvalu
The Pocket Lint-lLckers of Genovia
The Norwegian Bat Testicles
The West Saharan Slime Nuggets
The Equatorial Pantaloons
The Fresh Princes of Bel Air
The Finnish Wedgies
The Moroccan Fat Flingers
The Toddling Infants of Sri Lanka
The Unwashed Socks of the Arctic
The Guinea Pigs
The Swedish Goo-Makers
The Poorly-Behaved Snails of Sudan
The Perturbed Grandmas of Beanland
The Slightly Dented Cans of Karjizhikistan
The Scottish Nibblers
The Belgian Bartenders
The North American Constipation
Did we miss your favorite team? Tell us in the comments!
*Absence of listed teams from World Cup roster can be primarily explained by the fact that none of them actually exist.
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