Blogging My Insomnia

volitile_acid, have you tried reading a biography of someone really boring? That usually works for us. —Sparkitors

For those of us with insomnia, sleep is a magical thing. It’s hard to fall asleep, hard to stay asleep, and way too hard to wake up. I bet Voldemort had insomnia, and he spent all night every night devising ways to kill Harry Potter. That’s why none of his plans worked—he was delirious when he thought them up.

Here's how a typical night goes for me.

9:30 p.m.: Time to take sleeping pills. Ahh, sleeping pills. I love sleeping pills. I bet they’re made out of rainbows and sunshine and unicorns.

9:38 p.m.: I'm still not tired. Poop. I have three tests tomorrow! I can’t be tired for tests! Uggh. Pharmacies, you have failed me once again.

9:40 p.m.: Okay! I can make the best of this! I can stay awake and study, then surely I’ll ace the tests.

10 p.m.: I really don’t want to study. That’s fine, I can just do other productive things! I’ll clean my room now.

10:10 p.m.: Oops. I guess rearranging my furniture makes a lot of noise, because Mom just yelled at me. This all makes me wish I knew how to play the harp, though I have no idea why.

10:32 p.m.: Maybe if I try to fall asleep, I will. You never know…okay. I’m getting in bed. OUCH! Why is it so hard for dogs to understand that they can’t just jump on your stomach? That hurt. Ahhh, pillow, we meet again. We spent far too little time together, my dearest friend. Oh no, am I talking to inanimate objects?

11:03 p.m.: I’m still awake. It’s too hot in my room. I’ll open a window. Still too hot. I can’t sleep without a blanket…maybe if I just stick one leg out from under the covers…there. That’s better.

11:30 p.m.: What’s up with those sleep aids? Shouldn’t they be helping me sleep? LIES! LIES, I SAY!

12:27 a.m.: This isn’t worth it. I might as well do something. I wonder what’s on TV?

12:30 a.m.: Infomercials are funny. I wish I had a credit card—this CD of '80s power ballads looks so good! I bet my mom would like it.

1:06 a.m.: I’m sooooooooooo bored. I could take my dog for a walk! Or my cat. Hehehe. She could stand to lose a few pounds. I bet she’d be much happier if her stomach didn’t always drag on the ground like that.

1:07 a.m.: I didn’t realize it got this cold at night. I think I’ll just stay in.

2:09 a.m.: Let’s see what good movies are on demand…Mall Cop? No. New Moon? No. THE SPONGEBOB MOVIE? YEAH!

3:15 a.m.: Gosh, I love this movie. There are tons of innuendos!

3:47 a.m.: There isn’t really a point in trying to sleep now, I’ll just have to wake up in an hour anyway. I’ll just watch some more infomercials.

5:01 a.m.: Did I fall asleep? This couch is so comfy! I can't possibly get up now...

What do you do during sleepless nights?

Related Post: (Not) Writing a College Paper at 4 a.m.

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