That's Right, I Live in Australia

Before reading this post by another_alex, we were totally convinced that the entire population of Australia lived in trees and said "cobber" ALL THE TIME. Now, we know better.— Sparkitors

I've lived in seven different places, been to nine different countries, and attended five different schools, so when I say that Australia is one of the best countries on Earth, you can be pretty sure I've done my research! In fact, I recently found out that on the world’s list of “Countries I Most Want To Visit,” Australia came first. So I'm here to clear up a few hundred stereotypes y’all have about us Aussies. If you want to live in, visit, marry someone from, or even think about Australia, there are a few things you should know so that you don’t offend the locals:

We do not use the word “cobber.” Could someone please explain to me what this word actually means and why it appears in every Australian lingo book I've ever picked up? As far as I know, it hasn't been used once this century. Try again later.

We do not, as a national population, live on farms or in trees. I live in a lovely home with three bedrooms, a double height ceiling, two toilets, a double garage, and no backyard. There are no sheep in the vicinity. If anything, I'm one of those annoying people who says things like “What? We have to touch the animals? Eww…”

We do not carry humungous knives in our pockets. As much as I wish we were all like Crocodile Dundee, the guy’s a psycho. No one should be carrying that kind of weaponry on his person. What I really want to know is how he gets through airport security with that thing.

Our capital city is not Sydney. Or Melbourne. Or Brisbane. I live in our national capital, and its name is Canberra. Store that fact away; one day, you might be able to use it to score a last-minute victory in a trivia game!

You can't drive from here to New Zealand. We happen to be the only continent in the world that is also considered an island. New Zealand is a separate country, and there's no bridge from here to there. The only way to get there is to take a plane—unless you have a Chitty Chitty Bang Bang car. In which case… can I come?

Road trippin' is harder than it seems. If you're planning a road trip across our beautiful nation, you'd better bring a map, a cooler, and some serious supplies. It will take you 48 hours to get from Sydney to Perth— and that's if you don’t stop to sleep, eat, drink, or attend to nature’s call.

We do not live upside down. You probably already know this, but gravity is directed toward the center of the earth. I’m just saying…

Most importantly, we do not, I repeat, DO NOT ride kangaroos to school. If I saw a kangaroo on the sidewalk, I would freak out. Kangaroos are hugely overpopulated, so yeah, we see them around, but to go up to some random kangaroo would be mistake. You think grizzly bears are scary? You think lions are dangerous? Kangaroos are way worse. Because they don’t want to eat you; they want to protect their young. And they will literally beat you to death to do it.

On that cheerful note, you're all set for your Australia trip/move/marriage! And please, for the love of God, don’t try to pet a kangaroo.

Guess we won't be riding a kangaroo any time soon, but we'd still love to visit Australia! How about you?

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