The Sparkitors are boogerbrains, did you know that?! Especially this Sparkitor, who eats fail sandwiches for breakfast, lunch, and holidays.
So how do we counterbalance all this human error when it comes to The Friday Awards?
Chu! GIVE YOU THE POWER TO DECIDE!!! Yeppers, it's the second Friday of the month again, which means that each Sparkler gets to give one well-thought-through, heartfelt Friday Award to the person who deserves it most! Like, do we have horrible senses of humor? Did we totally miss someone who said something great? Do you want to give a Friday Award to MaxVZ just because you want to and you can't explain why?!
DO IT.
Now, here are our awards...
Happy Birthday to aleyna22!!!
Happy Belated Birthday to bongo95, and lotrlover15!!!
Nickname of the Week goes to Chocolatecoveredmatzahlover.
Fun Trivia Points go to sans_segue37 for this comment on Math=Voldemort
OH OH OH!!! Also... fun fact: the name "Voldemort" can be divided into three words: Vol de Mort. Which (effectively) means "flight of death" in French. Yeah.
The Million Dollar Idea Award goes to RustyApplesauce for these comments on How to Fake Being a Foodie...
There should be SparkNotes for cooking. Just think - 'SparkCuisine, When your recipe books don't make sense, we do.'
---
@Dreaming- I know hey! I hope the Sparkitors catch on to the idea. They could feature literature-themed recipes - Frankenstein spareribs, Voldemort vol-au-vents, Hansel and Gretel gingerbread or Willy Wonka's edible wallpaper ( I actually have a recipe for this)... Yum
The No It Isn't, We Did, Too Award goes to nox_light47 for this comment on Auntie SparkNotes: Taking High School Romance to School
Is it REALLY weird I totally thought, "WOW, THAT GUY'S HOT!" when looking at Auntie's drawing of a towel-clad muscular person?
The SparkNotes <3 Award goes to Ze_Mathiea for this comment on The Scariest Amusement Park Rides EVER
Personally, I think SparkNotes should open a boarding school and a college. It would end up being one of the best in the country. IN THE WORLD. And the study groups would use SparkNotes to help. And when you have a problem with a book or historical topic, etc., a teacher wouldn't get mad at you for the use of SparkNotes. Everyone would be ULTRA accepting and supportive, so you could be a moose with rainbow coloured teeth and a speech impediment and no one would care, and if you had an issue, all you had to do is talk to someone. There would be tons of SparkGroups, as in support groups in which people help each other and have miniature SparkLove fests. Oh, and there'd be TONS of community service programs and opportunities to help people and spread awareness, and everyone would participate because that's what Sparklers do. We'd go on school trips to different places that have MERIT and we'd get to hear from tons of influential people who CARE and do service for causes that actually matter. It wouldn't just be a school, it would be a place where people get opportunities they wouldn't get otherwise, opportunities to make a difference in things, and a good one.
The Hesitant Hipster Award goes to misssunshine1010 for this comment on How To Be an Indie Music Snob...
I love Fleet Foxes. They are so underrepresented. And The Kooks? They are... Life.
Wait- no, Phoenix, is life. The Kooks are air, and Fleet Foxes are the trees that turn carbon-whatever, into oxygen.
LOL Points to...
juicyfruits1 for this comment on Sleeping Positions on Planes...
i got really sick on my school trip once on the coach so i had to sit at the front where ALL the teachers sat, NOT FUN but then i fell asleep and i started leaning on my teacher! this happened several times until the teacher got fed up and didn't know what to do and made me sit back with my friend. at the end of the trip my friends told me what happened (i didn't remember a thing). That was the most embarrassing moment ever!
They still tease me about it!
pink_diamond6483 for this comment on Auntie SparkNotes: Your Parents Are Doing the Bang-Bang...
That has to be sooooooooooo awkward. I've never had it happen to me, but I have a friend who walked in on her GRANDPARENTS doing it. I didn't even know people that old still did it.
houseobsessed14 for this comment on 8 Types of Facebook Profile Pictures...
mine is... kind of spaztic atm. one day my friends an i went to this naturey place and my friend took a picture of me and my other two friends. they look happy. i look like i'm gonna kill someone with the stick i'm holding
Kirlyq for this comment on the same post...
The only pictures I ever have are random. I have one where I'm wearing a sandwich board advertising the book fair. My friends are around me with cardboard signs and we're singing and dancing. You wish you were that cool.
Peonies_and_Flan for this comment on Synchrogirl117's Book Review: The Book Thief
I LOVED this book! I thought Death was a great narrator, and i may have a little literary crush on him...
villanous_mwaha for this fake energy drink from the comments of New Energy Drinks...
!!PROCRASTINATE!!
With a tangy blend of microchips, microWAVE chips and several hallucinogenic drugs from far away exotic places, this blast from your mum's face will fill you brain with thousands of crazy ideas to distract you from the hard work of hard work!!
WARNING: PROCRASTINATE Ltd. cannot be held responsible for any actions caused by consumption of this product.
PROCRASTINATE! Set your work-shy side free!
hlucero06 for this fake energy drink...
Zoombla: Contains 10000 mg of caffeine, and will guarantee that you stay awake for a week! It comes in Zesty Orange, Crazy Apple, and Chaotic Cucumber. Imported from Zambodia. Warning: do not take if you are pregnant, may become pregnant, are nursing, have heart complications, have diabetes, or are not awesome. Do not take more than 2 times a week, as death or craziness may occur. Enjoy!
feelslikepaper for this comment on Explaining Facebook to Your Grandparents
My grandpa is on Facebook! Actually, I'm sitting across the table from him right now. He may be really into computers, but he is NOT tech savvy.
Yesterday, he restarted his entire laptop because he couldn't get his internet browser to scroll down.
hlucero06 for this comment on the same post...
Haha, I have this problem. My grandma just got a Facebook a few months ago, and I still help her with it.
"What does this do?" What does what do? "This?" What? "this! "WHAT? and I look, and she's all fired up about a notification. -.-
Or, when she finally reads the notification, and it's about how some relative commented on her picture "Can anybody see my pictures?" No, only your friends. "What about family?" **headdesk**
And finally, she'll try to talk to an aunt or something, and ends up liking 10 of my statuses from 5 months ago.
cryptoquip3 for...
My mom likes Facebook, but she won't get one! She just logs into my account.
Sometimes I log back in after she's been in my account to find that "I" have commented on a picture of myself saying how cute I am. *headdesk*
Mom, please...
neomaxizoomdwbi for this comment on Why Is that Guy Wearing So Much Cologne?...
Ugh. Middle school boys were the worst. After PE, or instead of bathing, they would shower themselves with Tag or Ax. We'd always ask them why they did it, and they would tell us, "Cause chicks dig it." Obviously not. And then they'd walk away, leaving us to choke on the fumes that they left behind.
corinnen for this comment on You Know it's Summer When......
you know its summer when:
-sparknotes is now for recreational purposes only instead of for homework help
-the friday awards are the only way you have of knowing what day it is
-if you go to private school like me, you dont have to look at your uniform ever!(or at least until fall)
-you have been invited to a textbook burning party
-you start to develop a flip flop tan
-at least one of your friends is away on vacation at all times
-you cant believe how hot it is outside and start to think it must be global warming because there's no way it was this hot last year
glorantar for this comment on How to Handle Annoying Siblings...
I'm starting to think sparkdInventor is either
a) an evil terminator out to get all our bams
b) a regular old robot
or c) the sparknotes editors pulling a fast one (giveas editors an evil glare)
nonickname34 for this comment on the same post...
I have three younger brothers. All I ever hear is, "What are you doing? Are you allowed to be watching this? I'M TELLING MOM!" It's a real testimony to my sweet, loving and forgiving personality that I haven't murdered one or more of them yet.
marsquatch18 for this comment on What It's Like to Travel to... Atlanta, Georgia
hell, i live in atlanta and i didnt know about all this stuff.
emilyy522 for this comment on the same post...
The GA aquarium is AMAZING! My AP Bio class went last year. My favorite exhibit is the sea otters . Except when we were all "awww-ing" at them the person telling us about them goes, "You may think sea otters are cuddly and nice, right?" (All of us nod.) "Well... THEY'RE NOT." What a dream crusher.
epicality for this comment on The Scariest Amusement Park Rides EVER
The Sparkocoaster:
Strap on a jetpack and battle your way through a pack of forever buddies, Voldie and his crew, and even solve some teenage problems Auntie-style, finishing the ride with a BANG by dropping into a ginormous vat of awesomesauce.
romancingvulcans for this comment on Auntie SparkNotes: Taking High School Romance to School...
Co-ed bathrooms. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm all cool with the co-ed floors thing but I do not want to go to a college where I have to share bathrooms with guys, that i don't know. That's just wrong (on my sister's college tour I went in one, my literal worst nightmare came true)
dairymilk42 for this comment on How to Make Your Family Hate You on Car Trips...
Are we really using the phrase "shagging wagon" to describe the family car?!?!?!?!
NikaPikaBoom for...
@milk maybe it was implying that certain family members were made in the backseat
Superhero001 for this comment on How to Survive a Boring Class...
It's a bird! It's a plane! No! It's SCIENCE MAN!
Science Man, Science Man,
(spoken: Prepare to be blinded with science!)
Defeats the baddies with his test tubes!
And makes sure that they're never rude!
Teaches them a lesson or twoo!
(Spoken: The mitochondria provides energy to the cell. Like my fist just did to your face.)
Teaches Biology! Teaches Chemistry!
He's super, he's amazing, he can fly!
(Spoken: You see, if you get the lift of the wind just right... and add the anatomy of the bird of choice..)
You better watch out!
You never know when he'll come!
He's SCIENCE MAN!
(Spoken: Class is in session!)
AishwaryaCullen for this comment on the same post...
The great, the one and only, latex-suit clad, armour bearing
-Crumbly Scrumly!-
Prepare to be blinded with science, beware,
His greatest weapon: the pot belly, nurtured with care
And the Dooming Lectures of Neutralization,
Each new day, striking a chord of realization,
He saves the world with a flick of his wrists,
He will bore you to death with a PowerPoint on cysts!
Armed with customized Antoine-Lavoisier test tubes,
Throwing UV-Chalks and guys who will stare at your boobs,
And when you cripple, he will hush a confession,
"Prepare to die, now that class is in session!"
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT
And all the girls say "WE LOVE YOU SCRUMLY!"
ESKan for...
SCRUMLEY!
*doobie-doobie-doo-ba, doobie-doobie-doo-ba*
He is a science teacher, a test tube master of action!
He's got a fashion sense that makes everyone flinch from afar-iar-iar!
He's got more than that bad limp,
He's got the POWER OF SCIENCE, he's no wimp!
And all his colleagues swoon, whenever they hear him say:
"Class Is In Session!"
He's SCRUMLEY! Scrumley the Science Man!
DazedinLife10 for this comment on Halo: Reach—How to Prepare Loved Ones for Your Upcoming Disappearance
Whenever my brother disappears like this, I just stick some post-it notes with some reminders on the window. Things like "Look both ways," "Brush you teeth", "Be sure to blink", "Remember to breathe", and "LOOK OUT FOR NARGLES".
pennboz for this comment on Auntie SparkNotes: Big Mother is Watching You...
I used to keep a fake diary to screw with my parents. I would usually include passages like: "So then last night, we toilet papered Jim's room and then lit it on fire right after we jumped off the roof and had a few beers with the neighbors..."
Luckily they knew I was kidding, most of the time.
Your_Average_Zebra for this comment on the same post...
My mom gives me the "don't talk to pedophiles online" talk every. single. day. "How do you KNOW that you're IMing sara from science? HMMMMM?!?!"
AishwaryaCullen for this comment on Syzygy: Why the English Language is Awesome!...
Twyndyllyngs of Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch
Silver chilvers from Orange Blorenge,
There were many a purple curples,
Thank you for this Honorificabilitudinitatibus,
I smoke no qat or else my head would cleave and I'd cuss,
Have you squirreled off yet? No? Go and ponder!
This make is unique, dare not absconder!
JuJukins for this comment on Disney Princesses Who Rock...
I have always wanted to be a sword-wielding, book-reading lion with a pet tiger. Thank goodness Sparklife is now endorsing this once-frowned-upon lifestyle.
IxSeexAll for this comment on Three Rules for Saving Seats...
The other day, I was saving a seat for someone at lunch (because most of the seats are gross and covered in food or...something), so I picked it up and put it next to mine, planning to put my backpack on it, and this random girl took the chair and said "Thanks." I believe I lost my faith in humanity at that moment.
hlucero06 for this comment on the same post...
If you're going to put something down to save your seat, you must at least have friend or acquaintance stay to ward off seat-stealers. If not, you'll find your possessions on the floor, and a butt in your seat, or, worse, your possessions GONE and still, a butt in your seat. A butt that isn't yours. :/
AishwaryaCullen for this comment on Five Reasons High School Relationships ROCK!...
According to this post, wow, I have a great realtionship with my locker! We were friends before we got intimate, we have never broken up in the past 3 years, we control our passion until school's out and we definitely cuddle lots! I kissed my locker goodbye before school ended.
This is the story of a successful hish school relationship. I would marry Gary (my locker), but my parents disapprove. Plus, he can't pee. That's sad. We couldn't possibly make little locker-babies together It's adoption, I guess.
agentplatypus for this comment on Fighting the War Against Sweat..
How could you write an entire article about sweating and not mention Chelsea Dagger once?!
and aleyna22 for this comment on How to Flirt With Your Pre-K Crush...
My Pre-K crush stayed back a grade, wears a very strange hat everyday, and somehow obtained the nickname Dog Boy. D: I didn't have very good taste back then.
Congratulations, Friampions! Have a perfect, epically fantastic weekend!
Auntie SparkNotes: Your Parents Are Doing the Bang-Bang
http://community.sparknotes.com/2010/06/04/auntie-sparknotes-your-parents-are-doing-the-bang-bang
That has to be sooooooooooo awkward. I've never had it happen to me, but I have a friend who walked in on her GRANDPARENTS doing it. I didn't even know people that old still did it.
[50] By: pink_diamond6483 | June 4, 2010 at 3:55 pm
What It's Like to Travel to...Barranquilla, Colombia
http://community.sparknotes.com/2010/06/04/what-its-like-to-travel-to-barranquilla-colombia
im puerto rican and this sounds like a slightly more dirty version of one of our famly reunions... drink...dance...yell...laugh...drink some more... haha i love my family!!
[17] By: didly_gumdrop_lover1 | June 4, 2010 at 2:56 pm
8 Types of Facebook Profile Pictures
http://community.sparknotes.com/2010/06/04/8-types-of-facebook-profile-pictures
mine is... kind of spaztic atm. one day my friends an i went to this naturey place and my friend took a picture of me and my other two friends. they look happy. i look like i'm gonna kill someone with the stick i'm holding
[21] By: houseobsessed14 | June 4, 2010 at 5:06 pm
My picture is a drawing of myself I did. My hand is holding a pencil making it look like I'm working on it while the picture is being taken... it's pretty epic I must say...
[25] By: AnnaBB44 | June 4, 2010 at 5:16 pm
The only pictures I ever have are random. I have one where I'm wearing a sandwich board advertising the book fair. My friends are around me with cardboard signs and we're singing and dancing. You wish you were that cool.
[35] By: Kirlyq | June 4, 2010 at 6:19 pm
I dont use photoshop, but I do like playing with the special effects on my webcam. and they're so flattering! its brilliant. although i did delete my facebook to stop distracting me from homework, but now I spend most of my time on Sparklife....
[54] By: I.am.unique.too | June 5, 2010 at 12:52 am
How To Be an Indie Music Snob
http://community.sparknotes.com/2010/06/04/how-to-be-an-indie-music-snob
I love Fleet Foxes. They are so underrepresented. And The Kooks? They are... Life.
Wait- no, Phoenix, is life. The Kooks are air, and Fleet Foxes are the trees that turn carbon-whatever, into oxygen.
[35] By: misssunshine1010 | June 5, 2010 at 10:11 am
i didn't think self-proclaimed hipsters existed.
[50] By: youbetheanchorr | June 8, 2010 at 11:38 am
Synchrogirl117's Book Review: The Book Thief
http://community.sparknotes.com/2010/06/04/synchrogirl117s-book-review-the-book-thief
this is one of my all time favorite books. after reading it, you can cuss fluently in German, which is awesome, and you are certainly guaranteed to cry. seriously, I can get through The Notebook without crying, and i cried for this one.
[9] By: whimsicalLady | June 4, 2010 at 7:27 pm
I LOVED this book! I thought Death was a great narrator, and i may have a little literary crush on him...
[50] By: Peonies_and_Flan | June 5, 2010 at 4:35 pm
Cute Thing of the Week
http://community.sparknotes.com/2010/06/07/cute-thing-of-the-week-48
Black and White Cat: *waves paw at human* These are not the cats you are looking for
[4] By: fuzzyblulightz | June 7, 2010 at 11:11 am
Cat on bottom: It's a....a monster!
Black and white cat: No, it's just a human with a camera. Ignore it, sweetheart.
[19] By: crownoflaurel | June 7, 2010 at 12:31 pm
Tabby Cat: Oh no! it's the paparazzi again!
Black-and-White Cat: They'll be all over this, just like the time when the dog tried to give the neighbor's leg a "special hug."
[26] By: Tigress_118 | June 7, 2010 at 1:03 pm
Don't you dare interrupt me whilst I strangle my victim!!
[53] By: peaceonearth34 | June 7, 2010 at 7:54 pm
Tabby cat: i want to touch your face so hard!
[59] By: swwettartzz | June 7, 2010 at 10:31 pm
Black cat- dont get involved..or youre next...
[65] By: Lady_Sunshine3 | June 8, 2010 at 2:16 am
Black and white cat: I am going to RULE the WORLD. Say hello to my new minion.
Tabby cat:....Help?
[68] By: crownoflaurel | June 8, 2010 at 10:17 am
Brown cat: It.. it's not what you think!
Black cat: Oh, yes it is!
[70] By: MissLovegood | June 8, 2010 at 1:13 pm
Black and White cat: *sigh* this will be all over the pawparazzi in a matter of seconds...
[72] By: swwettartzz | June 8, 2010 at 2:27 pm
"I don't care if you've had a bad day, now is NOT the time for you to give me a belly rub!"
"SPAYED?! Are you SERIOUS?"
[82] By: sgtpepper191 | June 8, 2010 at 8:58 pm
"We have to stop Bella. I could hurt you."
"...This is about my soul, isn't it?"
[33] By: confuzzledmuggle | June 7, 2010 at 2:36 pm
New Energy Drinks
http://community.sparknotes.com/2010/06/07/new-energy-drinks
Zoombla: Contains 10000 mg of caffeine, and will guarantee that you stay awake for a week! It comes in Zesty Orange, Crazy Apple, and Chaotic Cucumber. Imported from Zambodia. Warning: do not take if you are pregnant, may become pregnant, are nursing, have heart complications, have diabetes, or are not awesome. Do not take more than 2 times a week, as death or craziness may occur. Enjoy!
[39] By: hlucero06 | June 7, 2010 at 6:56
Explaining Facebook to Your Grandparents
pmhttp://community.sparknotes.com/2010/06/07/explaining-facebook-to-your-grandparents
My grandpa is on Facebook! Actually, I'm sitting across the table from him right now. He may be really into computers, but he is NOT tech savvy.
Yesterday, he restarted his entire laptop because he couldn't get his internet browser to scroll down.
[16] By: feelslikepaper | June 7, 2010 at 1:53 pm
Haha, I have this problem. My grandma just got a Facebook a few months ago, and I still help her with it.
"What does this do?" What does what do? "This?" What? "this! "WHAT? and I look, and she's all fired up about a notification. -.-
Or, when she finally reads the notification, and it's about how some relative commented on her picture "Can anybody see my pictures?" No, only your friends. "What about family?" **headdesk**
And finally, she'll try to talk to an aunt or something, and ends up liking 10 of my statuses from 5 months ago.
[28] By: hlucero06 | June 7, 2010 at 3:25 pm
Both my grandparents have Facebook, and they're savvy about it. Though I did laugh at this article.
My mom likes Facebook, but she won't get one! She just logs into my account.
Sometimes I log back in after she's been in my account to find that "I" have commented on a picture of myself saying how cute I am. *headdesk*
Mom, please...
[32] By: cryptoquip3 | June 7, 2010 at 3:46 pm
My grandparents have facebook. And Blackberrys. And Twitter. They're wayyy cooler than me.
[34] By: RebeccaRKane | June 7, 2010 at 4:19 pm
Why Is that Guy Wearing So Much Cologne?
http://community.sparknotes.com/2010/06/07/why-is-that-guy-wearing-so-much-cologne
Ugh. Middle school boys were the worst. After PE, or instead of bathing, they would shower themselves with Tag or Ax. We'd always ask them why they did it, and they would tell us, "Cause chicks dig it." Obviously not. And then they'd walk away, leaving us to choke on the fumes that they left behind.
[11] By: neomaxizoomdwbi | June 7, 2010 at 2:47 pm
You Know it's Summer When...
http://community.sparknotes.com/2010/06/07/you-know-its-summer-when
you know its summer when:
-sparknotes is now for recreational purposes only instead of for homework help
-the friday awards are the only way you have of knowing what day it is
-if you go to private school like me, you dont have to look at your uniform ever!(or at least until fall)
-you have been invited to a textbook burning party
-you start to develop a flip flop tan
-at least one of your friends is away on vacation at all times
-you cant believe how hot it is outside and start to think it must be global warming because there's no way it was this hot last year
awesome post
[25] By: corinnen | June 7, 2010 at 5:51 pm
You know it's summertime when you know the tv schedule for all the channels...
[37] By: Joemarz | June 7, 2010 at 6:42 pm
16. You know it's summer when you see a vampire sparkling on the street.
But of course, this is also an indicator of the fact that you are going crazy, or you need to attend Dan Bergstein the Great's Rehab Centre For Those With Incurably Twilight-Centred Eyesight. Criteria for entry: seeing sparkly vampires, car-stopping vampires (literally), becoming moody endlessly, saying "I will tie myself to you" to your beau.
[47] By: AishwaryaCullen | June 7, 2010 at 8:12 pm
How to Handle Annoying Siblings
http://community.sparknotes.com/2010/06/07/how-to-handle-annoying-siblings
I'm starting to think sparkdInventor is either
a) an evil terminator out to get all our bams
b) a regular old robot
or c) the sparknotes editors pulling a fast one (giveas editors an evil glare)
[12] By: glorantar | June 7, 2010 at 7:46 pm
I have three younger brothers. All I ever hear is, "What are you doing? Are you allowed to be watching this? I'M TELLING MOM!" It's a real testimony to my sweet, loving and forgiving personality that I haven't murdered one or more of them yet.
[21] By: nonickname34 | June 7, 2010 at 8:11 pm
My little sister and I have a great relationship now that I spend 90% of my time in my room.
@glorantar
SparkdInventor has friends. And a website. And is apparently male, so I guess he's not a robot at least. I think the editors wouldn't bother helping him.....that leaves option #1.
[24] By: crownoflaurel | June 7, 2010 at 8:37 pm
What It's Like to Travel to... Atlanta, Georgia
http://community.sparknotes.com/2010/06/08/what-its-like-to-travel-to-atlanta-georgia
hell, i live in atlanta and i didnt know about all this stuff.
[9] By: marsquatch18 | June 8, 2010 at 12:04 pm
The GA aquarium is AMAZING! My AP Bio class went last year. My favorite exhibit is the sea otters . Except when we were all "awww-ing" at them the person telling us about them goes, "You may think sea otters are cuddly and nice, right?" (All of us nod.) "Well... THEY'RE NOT." What a dream crusher.
[34] By: emilyy522 | June 8, 2010 at 4:19 pm
Movie Review: Get Him To The Greek
http://community.sparknotes.com/2010/06/08/movie-review-get-him-to-the-greek
I didn't understand a word about the movie btw =( You should see the gormless look on my face. Not even pigs with brain damage, lidded eyes and a slack jaw have this kind of gormless look.
FYI - I reckon kissing Russel Bran is like kissing a smelly hairball that smells of booze, crack and ball sweat. (not to be crude or anything, but you never know what is hands to, right?)
[23] By: AishwaryaCullen | June 8, 2010 at 7:45 pm
The Scariest Amusement Park Rides EVER
http://community.sparknotes.com/2010/06/08/the-scariest-amusement-park-rides-ever
That would be epic.
I would probably beg my parents to let me go to that amusement park if SparkNotes opened one.
And there would be tons of sparklers there, so that means people'd be like, WHO ARE YOU? OMG, YOU'RE -NAME-?! WOAHHHHHHH. THAT IS SOOOOOO FREAKING AMAZING.
Personally, I think SparkNotes should open a boarding school and a college. It would end up being one of the best in the country. IN THE WORLD. And the study groups would use SparkNotes to help. And when you have a problem with a book or historical topic, etc., a teacher wouldn't get mad at you for the use of SparkNotes. Everyone would be ULTRA accepting and supportive, so you could be a moose with rainbow coloured teeth and a speech impediment and no one would care, and if you had an issue, all you had to do is talk to someone. There would be tons of SparkGroups, as in support groups in which people help each other and have miniature SparkLove fests. Oh, and there'd be TONS of community service programs and opportunities to help people and spread awareness, and everyone would participate because that's what Sparklers do. We'd go on school trips to different places that have MERIT and we'd get to hear from tons of influential people who CARE and do service for causes that actually matter. It wouldn't just be a school, it would be a place where people get opportunities they wouldn't get otherwise, opportunities to make a difference in things, and a good one.
[19] By: Ze_Mathiea | June 8, 2010 at 5:33 pm
i think the scariest place in an amusement park is the toilets *shudders* bad memories of public toilets....
[37] By: Lady_Sunshine3 | June 9, 2010 at 7:15 am
The Sparkocoaster:
Strap on a jetpack and battle your way through a pack of forever buddies, Voldie and his crew, and even solve some teenage problems Auntie-style, finishing the ride with a BANG by dropping into a ginormous vat of awesomesauce.
[41] By: epicality | June 9, 2010 at 12:48 pm
A Guide for Manklers: How to Talk to Your Girlfriend
http://community.sparknotes.com/2010/06/08/a-guide-for-manklers-how-to-talk-to-your-girlfriend
Boys seriously need to learn when to lie. If a girl looks like or , you need to say they look like
[10] By: kylxy | June 8, 2010 at 4:58 pm
Auntie SparkNotes: Taking High School Romance to School
http://community.sparknotes.com/2010/06/08/auntie-sparknotes-taking-high-school-romance-to-school
Is it REALLY weird I totally thought, "WOW, THAT GUY'S HOT!" when looking at Auntie's drawing of a towel-clad muscular person?
[33] By: nox_light47 | June 8, 2010 at 9:05 pm
Co-ed bathrooms. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm all cool with the co-ed floors thing but I do not want to go to a college where I have to share bathrooms with guys, that i don't know. That's just wrong (on my sister's college tour I went in one, my literal worst nightmare came true)
[40] By: romancingvulcans | June 8, 2010 at 10:59 pm
http://community.sparknotes.com/2010/06/08/how-to-make-your-family-hate-you-on-car-trips
Are we really using the phrase "shagging wagon" to describe the family car?!?!?!?!
[10] By: dairymilk42 | June 8, 2010 at 6:36 pm
@milk maybe it was implying that certain family members were made in the backseat
[13] By: NikaPikaBoom | June 8, 2010 at 6:44 pm
http://community.sparknotes.com/2010/06/08/how-to-survive-a-boring-class
It's a bird! It's a plane! No! It's SCIENCE MAN!
Science Man, Science Man,
(spoken: Prepare to be blinded with science!)
Defeats the baddies with his test tubes!
And makes sure that they're never rude!
Teaches them a lesson or twoo!
(Spoken: The mitochondria provides energy to the cell. Like my fist just did to your face.)
Teaches Biology! Teaches Chemistry!
He's super, he's amazing, he can fly!
(Spoken: You see, if you get the lift of the wind just right... and add the anatomy of the bird of choice..)
You better watch out!
You never know when he'll come!
He's SCIENCE MAN!
(Spoken: Class is in session!)
Tadaa!
[20] By: Superhero001 | June 8, 2010 at 7:37 pm
The great, the one and only, latex-suit clad, armour bearing
-Crumbly Scrumly!-
Prepare to be blinded with science, beware,
His greatest weapon: the pot belly, nurtured with care
And the Dooming Lectures of Neutralization,
Each new day, striking a chord of realization,
He saves the world with a flick of his wrists,
He will bore you to death with a PowerPoint on cysts!
Armed with customized Antoine-Lavoisier test tubes,
Throwing UV-Chalks and guys who will stare at your boobs,
And when you cripple, he he will hush a confession,
"Prepare to die, now that class is in session!"
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT
And all the girls say "WE LOVE YOU SCRUMLY!"
[25] By: AishwaryaCullen | June 8, 2010 at 8:26 pm
@nox_light: That was not stolen from Bill Nye the Science Guy, silly. The phrase "to blind [one] with science" was used in England to mean something like "to confuse [one] by using fancy vocabulary." Thomas Dolby used it to write the song "She blinded me with science," which did not use the normal meaning of "to blind [one] with science." It was just a silly, and awesome, song. Bill Nye, who teaches at Cornell, did not come up with "she blinded me with science."
And now you know!...and knowing is half the battle.
[35] By: Eebyenoh | June 8, 2010 at 11:35 pm
SCRUMLEY!
*doobie-doobie-doo-ba, doobie-doobie-doo-ba*
He is a science teacher, a test tube master of action!
He's got a fashion sense that makes everyone flinch from afar-iar-iar!
He's got more than that bad limp,
He's got the POWER OF SCIENCE, he's no wimp!
And all his colleagues swoon, whenever they hear him say:
"Class Is In Session!"
He's SCRUMLEY! Scrumley the Science Man!
[40] By: ESKan | June 9, 2010 at 3:03 am
http://community.sparknotes.com/2010/06/08/how-to-fake-being-a-foodie
There should be SparkNotes for cooking. Just think - 'SparkCuisine, When your recipe books don't make sense, we do.'
[23] By: RustyApplesauce | June 9, 2010 at 9:49 am
@Dreaming- I know hey! I hope the Sparkitors catch on to the idea. They could feature literature-themed recipes - Frankenstein spareribs, Voldemort vol-au-vents, Hansel and Gretel gingerbread or Willy Wonka's edible wallpaper ( I actually have a recipe for this)... Yum
[26] By: RustyApplesauce | June 9, 2010 at 10:36 am
Awesome Thing of the Week
http://community.sparknotes.com/2010/06/09/awesome-thing-of-the-week-47
ten. ten ten ten
10
10000000000000000
TEN
tensy mc tensingten? TEN
Ten isn't even really a number to me any more... but Ten. Just 10.
[26] By: dairymilk42 | June 9, 2010 at 1:55 pm
CHEATERS.
YOU KNOW YOU ONLY PUT THIS UP BECAUSE IT'S HARRY POTTER AND MOST OF THE SPARKLERS /LOVE/ HARRY POTTER.
Okay, that's not cheating, that's just knowing your fan base and using your resources. YOU'RE SO SMART, SPARKNOTES. I LOVE YOU, SPARKITORS. YAYYYYYYYYY. SPARKLOVEFEST!
My nerdtastic SparkRating: 103,904,289,482,395,894,237,582,378,752,839,058,239,058X
483,340,928,349,082,394,829,043^598,349,238,498,293,048, 239,852,394,823,904^589,285,923,859,859,082,958,329,052, 9^(googol^googol^googol^googol^googol^googol^googol^googol)^
(googol^googol^2^googol^16^googol^4^googol)^googol.
[27] By: Ze_Mathiea | June 9, 2010 at 2:03 pm
Should We Recap Pretty Little Liars?
http://community.sparknotes.com/2010/06/09/should-we-recap-pretty-little-liars
and, it sounds like it is tossed with fail noddles drizzled in a huge quantity of failsauce, served with a side of EPICFAIL. AND naturally, shows so failatastic deserves to be slandered by the sparkitors.
[12] By: lynnieboo34 | June 9, 2010 at 12:22 pm
Halo: Reach—How to Prepare Loved Ones for Your Upcoming Disappearance
http://community.sparknotes.com/2010/06/09/halo-reach%E2%80%94how-to-prepare-loved-ones-for-your-upcoming-disappearance
Whenever my brother disappears like this, I just stick some post-it notes with some reminders on the window. Things like "Look both ways", "Brush you teeth", "Be sure to blink", "Remember to breathe", and "LOOK OUT FOR NARGLES".
[32] By: DazedinLife10 | June 10, 2010 at 3:27 pm
5 Signs You've Been Accepted to Hogwarts
http://community.sparknotes.com/2010/06/09/5-signs-youve-been-accepted-to-hogwarts
stupid question editors: how do you get these pictures. Do you have one of your interns dress up in a beard and a funky wizard hat, while glowering around a crystal ball in a dark setting?
just curious...
[7] By: tbendis | June 9, 2010 at 12:59 pm
Today in French class, I drew a picture of Harry Potter then showed it to my teacher who looks like Harry Potter and the whole class started laughing. He said something like, "Brooke, I'm going to have to Stupefy you." So I immediately picked up my pen and yelled, "Expelliarmus" at him.
I should be in Hogwarts, eh?
[36] By: pullingpuzzles | June 9, 2010 at 3:13 pm
How to Politely Refuse Dinner
http://community.sparknotes.com/2010/06/09/how-to-politely-refuse-dinner
i always put as much in my napkin as i can. then i feign a headache and leave the table.
[36] By: unicorns_mustache | June 10, 2010 at 12:26 pm
Auntie SparkNotes: Big Mother is Watching You
http://community.sparknotes.com/2010/06/09/auntie-sparknotes-big-mother-is-watching-you
I used to keep a fake diary to screw with my parents. I would usually include passages like: "So then last night, we toilet papered Jim's room and then lit it on fire right after we jumped off the roof and had a few beers with the neighbors..."
Luckily they knew I was kidding, most of the time.
[13] By: pennboz | June 9, 2010 at 1:57 pm
My mom gives me the "don't talk to pedophiles online" talk every. single. day. "How do you KNOW that you're IMing sara from science? HMMMMM?!?!"
[34] By: Your_Average_Zebra | June 9, 2010 at 3:34 pm
How to Make Chocolate Chip Cookies from Scratch in 22 Easy Steps
http://community.sparknotes.com/2010/06/09/how-to-make-chocolate-chip-cookies-from-scratch-in-22-easy-steps
Once my friend and I made cookies. We accidentally put double the amount of flour we needed, so we just decided to double all the other ingredients too. Then we were too lazy to bake it, so we just ate the cookie dough.
[10] By: snapesbffl369 | June 9, 2010 at 2:24 pm
This (idea of preparing Chocolate Cookies) is rubbish. Look at the ingredients at the back of a cookie packet. It lists:
Awesomeness
A sweet tooth
A gustatory imagiation
My preferred procedure:
Let 1 kilo of awesomeness ripen over a period of 5 seconds and mix it in a bowl with imagination. Pretend to make into cookies. Use sweet tooth to consume.
[11] By: AishwaryaCullen | June 9, 2010 at 2:30 pm
PSH. My recipe pwns yours! It involves going to the shop, buying a box, pouring it out onto a plate, and passing it off as your own. Easy.
[38] By: hanini_panini | June 10, 2010 at 4:55 am
The SparkNotes Gleecap: Episode 22 (Journey)
http://community.sparknotes.com/2010/06/09/the-sparknotes-gleecap-episode-22-journey
OMG JOHN STAMOS IS GOING TO BE THE DENTIST EMMA IS DATING!!!!
like seriously!!!
ive died and gone to glee heaven
[20] By: paint_it_black31 | June 9, 2010 at 4:24 pm
What I Learned in France
http://community.sparknotes.com/2010/06/09/what-i-learned-in-france
* Also tips for exchanges, this is so awful, but don't tell people in stores and stuff that you're an american because they will be supremely snotty if you do...instead if they mistake your accent for a british or canadian one, just go along with it, you'll have a much easier time...it's terrible, I know, but sadly it's the truth
Tip 2: WARNING: FRANCE IS EXPENSIVE
Tip 3: Don't bring a beret in an attempt to fit in with the locals, French people don't wear berets outside of the movies
Tip 4: In France its not obligatory for people to clean up after their dogs so WATCH OUT
Tip 5: Although France is a beautiful, clean country, the public bathrooms in the cities are generally AWFUL so always have tissues on you
I'll think of some more later
[19] By: 2emalha | June 9, 2010 at 5:03 pm
i like french boys.. my plan is also to study in europe. this really reenforced my plans.
[26] By: Talk-a-holic | June 9, 2010 at 6:36 pm
Syzygy: Why the English Language is Awesome!
http://community.sparknotes.com/2010/06/09/syzygy-why-the-english-language-is-awesome
how do you pronounce twyndllyngs?????
I want to use it in a sentence!
[28] By: Chocolatecoveredmatzahlover | June 9, 2010 at 8:22 pm
Twyndyllyngs of Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch
Silver chilvers from Orange Blorenge,
There were many a purple curples,
Thank you for this Honorificabilitudinitatibus,
I smoke no qat or else my head would cleave and I'd cuss,
Have you squirreled off yet? No? Go and ponder!
This make is unique, dare not absconder!
[35] By: AishwaryaCullen | June 9, 2010 at 10:23 pm
Rebel's Rules of Movie-Watching
http://community.sparknotes.com/2010/06/09/rebels-rules-of-movie-watching
I'd add that you should watch a horror movie with your SO. If you're a girl, you've got your man to protect you. And if you're a guy, you've got your girl hanging on you like a... something that people hang on.
Simile fail.
Anyway, awesome post, Rebel.
[9] By: nitoa | June 9, 2010 at 7:06 pm
Disney Princesses Who Rock
http://community.sparknotes.com/2010/06/09/disney-princesses-who-rock
Mulan. Her picture is next to "bad-arse" in the dictionary. Pointing a sword at you. While flying around on a jet pack. With her pet werewolf.
She's mulan....she MUST have a werewolf somewhere.
[23] By: ellielikespie | June 9, 2010 at 8:21 pm
I have always wanted to be a sword-wielding, book-reading lion with a pet tiger. Thank goodness Sparklife is now endorsing this once-frowned-upon lifestyle.
[28] By: JuJukins | June 9, 2010 at 8:50 pm
Three Rules for Saving Seats
http://community.sparknotes.com/2010/06/09/three-rules-for-saving-seats
The other day, I was saving a seat for someone at lunch (because most of the seats are gross and covered in food or...something), so I picked it up and put it next to mine, planning to put my backpack on it, and this random girl took the chair and said "Thanks." I believe I lost my faith in humanity at that moment.
[10] By: IxSeexAll | June 9, 2010 at 7:44 pm
If you're going to put something down to save your seat, you must at least have friend or acquaintance stay to ward off seat-stealers. If not, you'll find your possessions on the floor, and a butt in your seat, or, worse, your possessions GONE and still, a butt in your seat. A butt that isn't yours. :/
[24] By: hlucero06 | June 9, 2010 at 11:21 pm
How to Take Over SparkNotes
http://community.sparknotes.com/2010/06/09/how-to-take-over-sparknotes
So, when do I get to take over?
[12] By: Future_Ruler_Of_SparkNotes | June 9, 2010 at 8:33 pm
Hmm... but what to do after taking over Sparknotes?
I could rent TWO llamas, find a jet-pack, be legally adopted by Auntie Sparknotes, force Miss Marm to write my essays (not that I need much help on them...)! So many things to do!
[15] By: KK219 | June 9, 2010 at 8:38 pm
I've only done two steps! I NEED TO GET AN ARTICLE PUBLISHED SO THAT I CAN TAKE OVER SPARKNOTES!
Er...*cough* you didn't happen to hear the previous statement, right? I, uh, meant that I wanted to get an article published to...uh...for...nothing! Getting an article published is its own joy, isn't it? ISN'T IT???
Heh...
[39] By: sciencenerdess94 | June 10, 2010 at 1:34 am
That double post was on purpose. The more I repeat my words, the more they become engrained in your heads and the more you will accept my words as the UNSHAKABLE TRUTH!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!
[41] By: sciencenerdess94 | June 10, 2010 at 1:39 am
Five Reasons High School Relationships ROCK!
http://community.sparknotes.com/2010/06/09/five-reasons-high-school-relationships-rock
According to this post, wow, I have a great realtionship with my locker! We were friends before we got intimate, we have never broken up in the past 3 years, we control our passion until school's out and we definitely cuddle lots! I kissed my locker goodbye before school ended.
This is the story of a successful hish school relationship. I would marry Gary (my locker), but my parents disapprove. Plus, he can't pee. That's sad. We couldn't possibly make little locker-babies together It's adoption, I guess.
[29] By: AishwaryaCullen | June 9, 2010 at 10:45 pm
Fighting the War Against Sweat
http://community.sparknotes.com/2010/06/09/fighting-the-war-against-sweat
Firstly, Dan, your guide is not applicable in India. Here, even the soil sweats.
Secondly, you need to brush up on your science. Without your sweat glands, your body will blow because of the heat. Stroke. Brain damage. Also, the reason you stink when you sweat is because your sweat is water, salts and pee
And thirdly, can I ask you out? You seem like a nice person to talk to. Be my forever buddy?
[22] By: AishwaryaCullen | June 9, 2010 at 11:52 pm
How could you write an entire article about sweating and not mention Chelsea Dagger once?!
[25] By: agentplatypus | June 10, 2010 at 12:04 am
The puma super eyes thing is what got me in this post. I was like, "YES! Pumas! And super eyes!"
On another note... if you're truly trying to keep the sweat away, just buy those thin little panty-liners and cut them in half. Put one half in the armpit of your shirt on the inside, and it will soak up your sweat and keep your shirt dry. Works like a charm, so I hear.
[50] By: Katie_Sauce | June 10, 2010 at 3:31 pm
How to Flirt With Your Pre-K Crush
http://community.sparknotes.com/2010/06/10/how-to-flirt-with-your-pre-k-crush
Hey, I would never make out with someone during Toy Story 3! I've been waiting for that movie forever.
My Pre-K crush stayed back a grade, wears a very strange hat everyday, and somehow obtained the nickname Dog Boy. D: I didn't have very good taste back then.
[31] By: aleyna22 | June 10, 2010 at 3:38 pm
Math=Voldemort
http://community.sparknotes.com/2010/06/10/mathvoldemort
Ah... how I pity thee, you math disoriented people you... Meanwhile, I learn the secrets of the universe and conquer other with the guidance my master, the Dark Lord. MWA HA HA HA HA!!! D:
[7] By: Coral107 | June 10, 2010 at 4:17 pm
SO TRUE!!! Math is definitely Voldemort... so is Harry Potter Pythagoras or some other math genius?? And does that make him significantly more or less attractive? Hmm... my teenage girl mind is very split (not to mention stupefied) on this one. Ideas?
OH OH OH!!! Also... fun fact: the name "Voldemort" can be divided into three words: Vol de Mort. Which (effectively) means "flight of death" in French. Yeah.
[23] By: sans_segue37 | June 10, 2010 at 4:44 pm
I just thought of a math (voldemort?) thing...
time = money -----------------------(time is money)
girls = (time)(money)--------------(girls are time and money)
therefore, girls = (money)(money)
girls = money squared
money = square root of evil------(money is the root of all evil)
money squared = evil
therefore, girls = evil!
Yes, I'm a girl. It's still funny,
[26] By: sans_segue37 | June 10, 2010 at 4:55 pm
Nickname:
kittysaysmrowww
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