How to Make Chocolate Chip Cookies from Scratch in 22 Easy Steps

1. Set up iPod dock in kitchen and turn on loudest, craziest, and screechiest playlist.
2. Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Since this is your friend's oven, struggle for 15 minutes to figure out how to do this.
3. Mishandle bag and send clouds of flour all over the place.
4. Drop tablespoon of salt on the floor. Forget about it.
5. Add waaaay too much vanilla. Sneeze. Suddenly remember you're allergic to vanilla extract.
6. Crack two eggs, mixing several chunks of shell into the batter.
7. Wonder why there's only "semi-sweet" chocolate chips. Where's "really sweet"???
8. Struggle to hook up mixer. Flip random switches until it suddenly starts whirring. Scream.
9. Laugh.
10. Remember that you forgot the two sticks of butter. In fact, you don't even have one stick of butter.
11. Debate with best friend how many spoonfuls of margarine would equal two sticks of butter.
12. Take concoction and slap onto baking pan. Consider (but don't say aloud) that the batter looks unusually watery (and slightly saturated in vanilla and margarine). Stick in oven, anyway.
13. Realize that the oven is cold. This is because you also have to flip a control switch to "bake."
14. Dance party in kitchen. Track flour everywhere.
15. Forget what time you started baking. Open door every two minutes to see how cookies are cooking.
16. Turn on TV. Completely forget that cookies are baking.
17. Smell smoke.
18. Scream.
19. Spray oven with fire extinguisher.
20. Weep furiously, screaming nonsense, like, "OHMYGODYOURPARENTSAREGONNAKILLUS!"
21. Hear front door open.
22. Hide in a cupboard.

Sound familiar?

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