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The Scariest Amusement Park Rides EVER

The Scariest Amusement Park Rides EVER

By ChrisFauxReal

Are you as tired of the same old humdrum amusement park rides as we are? Sure, there’s something to be said for coasters with corkscrew descents, but what we really want are rides that continue to scare and thrill us long after we've barfed up our chili dogs and died of heat exhaustion in a 7,000-foot line. Here are some ideas we’re trying to market to the big-time amusement park people:

Voldemort’s Vortex of Vomiting Death: You’ll be handed a wand, strapped to a flying broom, and then immediately launched into a whirling tornado of terror, where you'll battle Professor Umbridge and a righteous army of Puking Pastilles. Plus, you’ll be chased by Death Eaters. And dragons. And Romilda Vane, who undoubtedly has an enormous crush on you. Draco Malfoy can eat your broom dust.

300 + one: That “one” would be you, soldier: you'll join the Spartan army of 300 movie fame and face Xerxes and his league of monsters at the battle of Thermopalyae. You'll get to shoot flaming arrows at those so-called Immortals, shout stuff like, "TONIGHT. WE DINE. IN HELL." and pal around with a bunch of sweaty, epically-underdressed studs. Bonus: If you catch 9 out of the 10 spears thrown at your head, you get to keep your shield!

The Gollum Slalom: Remember all the terrifying things about the LOTR movie trilogy? The giant spider, the deeply unattractive orcs, Smeagol's schizophrenia, and that one swamp with floating dead guys in it? Well, this ride will let you relive the horror! Not only will you have to battle all the evil dudes in Middle Earth, you'll have to do it on skis. This slalom course, built to resemble a snowy wonderland version of Mount Doom, will force you to find your inner hero. And probably to cry. A lot.

The Leviathan: Loosely based upon the swinging pirate ships routinely found in amusement parks, this ride will consist of a leaky dinghy latched onto a humungous mechanical white whale with a grappling hook. Moby Dick does NOT like to be grappled, Captain, so you better hold on tight to those oars and hope that you don’t become shark chum.

Do you have any awesome ideas for amusement park rides?

Related post: Blogging Six Flags: Magic Mountain

Topics: Life
Tags: harry potter, twilight, amusement parks, scary things

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