Movie Review: Get Him To The Greek

At the risk of sounding like a D.A.R.E. spokesperson, I feel I need to give you the following commands right now.

First off: Don't do drugs.

Secondly: Don't drink booze.

Thirdly: Don't do drugs, ever.

Okay. Now that we're properly grounded, let's talk about the movie.

First off, our protagonist is Aaron Green (Jonah Hill), the sweet underdog-cum-record exec. (Fourthly, eat healthfully and exercise regularly.)

Secondly, there's Aldous Snow (Russell Brand), the fallen rock star. (Fifthly, if you're sexually active, please make sure you're incredibly safe. Seriously.)

Thirdly, there's Sergio (Diddy), Aaron's boss. (Sixthly, pick a given name and stick to it.)

Fourthly, there are drugs and alcohol (Drugs and Alcohol), which are, essentially, the other main character. (Seventhly—say it with me this time—DON'T DO DRUGS OR DRINK ALCOHOL.)

Here's what happens.

Aaron, a lifelong Aldous Snow fan, proposes a master stroke to revitalize Snow's flagging career: Snow will promote and perform a commemorative show at The Greek Theater in Los Angeles. What Aaron doesn't realize is that Snow, a manipulative, drug-addled hedonist, doesn't exactly follow directions. Or understand the meaning of  "consequences." Or stop drinking booze or doing drugs, ever. As Snow's appointed wrangler, Aaron tries to maneuver Snow towards the appointed destination, and the outcome is not unlike an attempt to remove gum from the bottom of your shoe: a sticky, dirty mess.

In spite of ever-present illegal substances, bizarre sexual encounters, and ample (if not cartoonish) violence, there's some fun to be found. Diddy is superbly cast, as is Jackie Q (Rose Byrne), a foul-mouthed international pop star who acts as Aldous' on-again-off-again lady. (Eighthly, this movie makes a strong case for the fact that the world only really needs one Madonna.)

The pervasive soundtrack is pretty much what you'd expect from Aldous—sexual puns and tributes to felonious pastimes. And that brings up an additional word of warning. Have you ever been watching television with your parents when, suddenly, an unexpected makeout scene scorches the screen? And the resultant tension silences the room to the point of social paralysis? And even though you don't leave for dinner until half an hour after the movie ends, everyone's still bizarrely awkward and quiet in the car? The soundtrack's like that. In fact, the movie's like that, but with more drugs and a few additional questions. Namely, can Aldous return to his roots? Can Aaron find a way to balance his life while advancing his career? And can Sergio please be in every movie from now on? Ultimately, the lesson is this: ninethly, don't do...eh. You get it.