Committee of Cool: Death Cab for Cutie

So, you thought the Committee of Cool couldn't get grosser than the JoBros in spandex wetsuits? You thought we couldn't get more graphic than the gratuitous slaughter of innocent watermelons? You thought nothing could possibly repulse you more than a Beatles-Justin Bieber comparison? Well, you were mostly right. But you were also partially WRONG. This week's video, submitted by aditrs, features an OPEN-HEART SURGERY. Even better: it's performed on the lead singer by his bandmates—and we're pretty sure they ain't licensed physicians. We can't decide if we love it or if we want to barf. The only way to make up our minds? LIVE CHAT. Read on for our final, wildly inconclusive decision!

Music Selection submitted by: aditrs
Artist: Death Cab for Cutie
Song: Title and Registration

TRANSCRIPT OF LIVE CHAT:

Chelsea: Emma, your offline status is "Emma is busy. You may be interrupting." I find that both offensive AND dishonest.

Emma: I'm super busy, and you’re interrupting me.

Chelsea: Awesome. Emily broke her g-chat and it's taking 3 hours to load.

Emma: Quick, now's our chance to talk about her.

This is now a group chat.

Emily has joined.

Chelsea: TOO LATE.

Emily: Were you guys just about to talk about me?

Chelsea: Sort of. But I was just going to say that nobody likes you.

Emily: Why this is video from 2006?

Emma: Oh god, that means the lead singer is even uglier now.

Emily: I remember when a Sparkler said The Postal Service was a 90s band. I cried myself to sleep for a week.

Chelsea: I think the lead singer’s sort of cute! I would totally get hopped up on mocha-lattes and hit on him in a coffee shop.

Emma: You would??

Emily: Why are you always falling in love?

Emma: He looks like he has bad breath.

Chelsea: Oh, I would. I would date everyone in the world. If you two weren’t taken, I'd date both of you. I am all desperate, all the time.

Emily: You liked the lead singer last week, too. He weighed 3 pounds.

Chelsea: I like everyone.

Emily: You're gross. So, does he have a new heart at the end?

Emma: Yes! And the old one turns into a lump of coal?

Chelsea: Like Christmas! The coal part. I liked that his ribs were made of popsicle sticks. Also, I thought the whole thing was vaguely disturbing.

Emily: He has hipster guts.

Chelsea: And none of the doctors were wearing gloves. That’s a lawsuit waiting to happen.

Emma: And their emo hair was hanging down over his innards. Not a smart plan.

Chelsea: He's almost definitely infected. Plus, I think he had light bulbs in his stomach. Dangerous.

Emily: It would have been awesome if his spleen had a hipster mustache. And his ribs had on leg warmers. Do the Sparklers know what "hipster" means?

Emma: Some of them do.

Chelsea: Didn't we do a post on hipsters?

Emily: Maybe you can't really know til college? But New Yorkers know. Because New York teenagers are 25 years old.

Emma: Should we talk about, like, the lyrics?

Chelsea: I like the lyrics. I like the part about the glove compartment being inaccurately named. SO CLEVER.

Emily: I didn’t listen to the lyrics.

Chelsea: WHAT AN ENORMOUS SURPRISE.

Emily: This has been helpful.

Chelsea: We could talk about that one moment of superb acting when the doctor looked at the other doctors before he cut out the guy's heart. It was EXCELLENT.

Emma: Yes, I noticed that. Lots of face-acting going on there.

Emily: You would think Death Cab could afford a more big budget video.

Chelsea: Of course they can afford a big budget video, Emily, they just don’t want to be HIPSTER SELL-OUTS.

Emily: “Hipster sell-out” is the dumbest set of words to ever exist.

Chelsea: I just made it up now. Should I win some sort of award?

Emma: Every morning I go to Oslo and there are 12 50-year-old hipsters sitting outside wearing panama hats. It's terrifying. Some of them have skateboards.

Chelsea: Panama hats! Skateboards!

Emily: 50-year-olds!

Chelsea: Sounds like the perfect place to find a boyfriend! Side note: were you guys grossed out by the heart having tentacles and stuff? Did you notice how they just taped it back in his light-box chest? Don't they realize those big stitches will leave an unsightly scar?

Emma: I was eating strawberries while I watched, and it was awful.

Chelsea: I would have barfed. I bet you barfed.

Emma: I dry-heaved a few times.

Chelsea: "Barfed" is my new favorite word. I keep using it in posts, even when it doesn't make sense.

Emily: This is the hardest video to talk about.

Emma: I know. Only one thing happens.

Emily: And I am so sick of what’s-his-name's voice.

Chelsea: The lead singer? Ben Gibbard? Isn’t he married to Zooey Deschanel?

Emma: Really???????!!!!!!!!!!!?????????!!!!!!!!!

Emily: That is a topic I can talk about.

Chelsea: I can’t decide if I find her charming or not.

Emily: Lets review a She & Him song instead because I hate them a lot.

Chelsea: We're not switching songs, wimp. SOLDIER ON. I only need, like, 3 more relevant lines about this video. I don’t like Zooey’s singing voice. It’s so high-pitched and false-sounding.

Emma: No it's not! What about when she sings “Baby, It's Cold Outside" in ELF? I like it!

Chelsea: I didn’t see that movie because it was intended for small children.

Emma: You're a numbskull.

Chelsea: A numbskull? EMMA, IT IS 2010. Update your vocabulary.

Emily: Here's what I think about the Death Cab song: it is better than Zooey Deschanel hoola-hooping.

Chelsea: Ok. Great. That is a solid, usable observation.

Emma: Here's what I think of it: the lyrics and the video concept go together, and that is good.

Emily: Yeah! That's a change!

Chelsea: Another good observation! Both of those will be really easy to manipulate so that  I seem funny and you guys seem dumb.

Emma: Are we done here?

Chelsea: Yep! Another super awesome live chat! BAM. Hip thrust, hip thrust, hip thrust.

Emma: Tucka tucka tucka tucka

Emma has left.

Emily: Gross.

Emily has left.

Chelsea: ONE TIME, I WANT TO LEAVE FIRST. ONE TIME.

Chelsea has left.

So, are you guys throwing up or groovin' like crazy?

Related posts: The Committee of Cool: Jape, The Committee of Cool: Janelle Monae, The Committee of Cool: the Jonas Brothers

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