The Pros and Cons of Old People

ScrtShdwHntr manages to mention Nerf guns, pea pods, and dinosaurs all in the same article. AWESOME.— SparkNotes editors

I hardly ever see old people do anything cool—it seems like they mostly just sleep, yell at the TV, or drive 23 miles under the speed limit. But after some thought, I’ve realized that there are a lot of great things about old people—even if you almost never see them having Nerf gun wars.

Shopping:
Pro: If you agree to accompany an old person on a shopping trip, she will almost always offer to buy you something. In exchange for holding your grandmother’s arm on the escalator or helping your Great Uncle Gary pick out a hip pair of orthopedic shoes, you may end up with a shiny new stick of beef jerky, or, even better, a life-size pillow embroidered with Zac Efron’s face.
Con: You will likely spend 14 hours walking slowly from one end of Target to the other.

Listening:
Pro: Your older relatives undoubtedly have some awesome stories to tell. Ask them about growing up during the Great Depression or what it was like when the dinosaurs roamed the earth, and before you know it, you’ll be rolling with laughter or totally enthralled. Bonus: you might learn some really creative curse words.
Con: You’ll have to sit through the standard, “When I was your age, we had to walk 17 miles in the scorching heat and blinding snow just to get to the outhouse. We had no cars, no television sets, and you can bet we didn’t have any of these darn iPods. We had pea pods, that’s what we had, and we had to water those sons-of-guns every day at 4 am…"

Hangin’ Out:
Pro: Your grandmother's hug smells like Werther's Original Caramels and baby powder, and it leaves you feeling comfortable for at least 30 minutes after the first inhalation—kind of like a G-rated contact high.
Con: Your grandpa’s shoes smell like pinto beans. And he keeps leaving his dentures on the kitchen table.

What’s your favorite thing about senior citizens?

Related post: Music That Will Still Scare Old People