How to Make a Lucky Charm
Note: This is not about the cereal. If you’re looking for a Lucky Charms cereal recipe please go to…um…. why don’t you just buy a darn box?
With finals approaching and grades being shipped out soon, you need a lucky charm now more than ever. And we're not just talking to the superstitious Sparklers out there—The Wall Street Journal reported last month there is some evidence that suggests lucky charms may actually work.
But what if you don’t own a lucky penny? What if you can't find your lucky soup ladle? What if you don’t have a lucky rabbit’s foot? (By the way, does a lucky rabbit’s foot mean the foot is lucky, or that it came from a rabbit that was lucky? Don’t you love semantics!? Also, if a rabbit’s foot is lucky, wouldn’t an entire rabbit be, like, super lucky?)
If you find yourself without a special token of powerful luck, you needn't be afraid. Instead, use these simple tips to turn any object into a lucky trinket.
Step One: Find an Object
Size matters. No matter how lucky your barn is, it will be difficult to bring to an exam, even if your barn is on wheels or skis. You also want to avoid objects that are too small. A lucky speck of dust or a lucky strawberry seed can easily get lost in the laundry or in a super fun ball pit. (By the way, aren’t you bit old to be playing in the ball pit?) Choose something pocket-sized, such as a coin, rock, mouse skull, or marble.
Some may choose an article of clothing, but this won’t really work if you need luck on two consecutive days. If you have a Spanish exam on Thursday and a tightrope-walking tournament on Friday, you don’t want to wear the same lucky shirt on both days, because everyone will call you Smelly Danny One Shirt. Or something similar.
Step Two: Infuse the Object with Luck
To make the object lucky, you can either rub it on a leprechaun’s beard, dip it into a black hole for seven minutes, or have a mermaid kiss it. If you can’t find a hairy leprechaun, black hole, or slutty mermaid, you can always turn an ordinary object into a lucky charm by grabbing it in your hands tightly, closing your eyes, and saying the following words: “May the powerful forces of luck be embedded in this object, please? Pretty please? Just do it, you dumb powerful forces!” Open your eyes, and balance the object on your head for nine seconds. You may hear a popping sound. That’s the sound of all the luck being crammed into your object.
Step Three: Test the Object
Before taking an exam with your newly-lucked item, you need to make sure it actually works. So, wrestle a bear. If you live, that means the object is lucky. If you can’t find a bear, try something less dangerous. Hold the lucky object while trying to shoot a wad of paper into the trashcan. If you successfully make the shot, your object is lucky. If you missed, it may be because of the wind, and you should try again. (This is why wrestling a bear is a far more accurate luck-test. Bear fights are relatively wind-resistant.) If your object still isn’t lucky, yell until it works.
Step Four: Name Your Object
Every lucky object needs a name. And that name is Jeff.
Step Five: Recharge Your Object
It’s important to remember that a lucky object may run out of luck from time to time. To give your object back some of its lucky powers, place it in the refrigerator for twenty minutes, or in the freezer for ten. Then take it out and smell it. Does it smell lucky? It should.
In five easy steps just about any object can become lucky. Now when you don’t get a good grade, you’ll have no one to blame but Jeff.
Do you have a lucky charm?
Related post: How to Charm a Teacher