The Committee of Cool: Janelle Monae's "Tightrope"

Due to your overwhelmingly awesome response to our call for music reviews, we've decided to throw in a little somethin' extra for you: The Committee of Cool (thusly named because adding "cool" to the title of anything automatically makes it cooler). Every week, one of the Sparkitors (Emma Chastain, Emily Winter, and Chelsea Dagger) will choose a song, band, or album that she's currently infatuated with, and defend her choice in a live chat with the other eds.

We'll give our utterly useless, incredibly well-informed opinions on the music in question—and we want YOU to be the final arbiters, in the comments section. If you should determine that the song/album/band is righteously awful, the editor who chose it will be forced to stand on top of his/her desk and shout the following into a megaphone: "MY TASTE IN MUSIC IS UNFORGIVABLE. I APOLOGIZE TO EVERYONE WHO KNOWS ME, IS FAMILIAR WITH ME, OR HAS EVER EVEN JUST BUMPED INTO ME IN THE BATHROOM. TRULY, TRULY,  I CAN NEVER BE SORRY ENOUGH. THANK YOU, THAT IS ALL." Sounds fair, right? The best way to show you how this series is going to work is, well, to show you. So grab some gummy worms, take a seat on whatever surface is nearest, and get ready: THIS is The Committee of Cool.

Editor Music Selection, submitted by Chelsea Dagger:
Artist: Janelle Monae
Song: Tightrope

TRANSCRIPT OF LIVE CHAT:

Emily: All here?!

Emma: Yup

Chelsea: Yezzir.

Emma: OK. What are we doing, again?

Chelsea: We're talking about Janelle Monae and how awesome I am for selecting her.

Emily: And I am telling you guys why she is horrible (which she's not). I thought up 2 things on the way to get soup! So I'll say them: Rule #1 for rapping: NO MORE mentioning Mac computers or Starbucks in raps.

Chelsea: DID THAT EVEN HAPPEN?

Emily: Big Boi breaks rule #1, so that sucks.

Emma: I missed that too! What did he say?

Emily: Something about closing a Mac. It wasn't even clever.

Chelsea: Big Boi is allowed to do whatever he wants, Emily. It’s the number one rule of hip hop.

Emma: No he's not. His stuff is great the first three times you hear it and then you realize it's dumb.

Emily: DJ Stomach says no he's not. (That's my DJ name.)

Emma: Mine is DJ Lil Bow Wow.

Chelsea: Mine is DJ shortpants. Because Janelle Monae wears a lot of them and they look FLY.

Emma: I don't know if we could pull them off. And by we, I mean you.

Chelsea: I hate you so much.

Emily: My other problem with this song is that I want her to sound even more like James Brown than she does, and I keep wanting her to do the James Brown "hah"! like James Brown does in "Machine for When Two People Who Really Love Each Other..."

Chelsea: She does a forward moonwalk on A CAFETERIA TABLE. She HAS A MOHAWK. She DANCES CRAZY. Are these things not enough for you?

Emma: It's more of a poof than a mohawk, no?

Chelsea: Oh, it's a mohawk.

Emma: Plus I think she's in a mental institution. Which looks a lot like the chorus room in my high school.

Chelsea: It looks a lot like my apartment in Prospect Heights.

Emily: Why is it day?

Emma: So light can shine on their cute shoes?

Chelsea: Those saddle shoes give me nightmare flashbacks to the 4th grade sock-hop when Matt Meehan refused to dance with me.

Emma: Was Matt Meehan popular?

Chelsea: Was he ever. He was the gym teacher's son.

Emma: Was he cute? What color was his hair? Did he have nice breath?

Emily: Ken Tenacka's son?

Chelsea: His hair was blonde, and he was an angel. NOT KEN TENACKA’S SON. KEN TENACKA IS A DOLT.

Emily: I like that she is so wiggly. And her eyes.

Chelsea: Emily, we're trying to talk about Matt Meehan. Grow up. But how did we feel about the day-wear tuxedos? Fabulous? Yes.

Emma: Yes.

Emily: Yeah yeah. Did Andre3000 outfit them? In his line that I can't remember the name of?

Chelsea: I have no idea, but Big Boi does mention Nasdaq, and at some point, there is talk of alligators. It’s all very cohesive.

Emma: Then there are the death eaters with no feet.

Emily: Because if you don't have saddle shoes, might as well not have feet.

Chelsea: DEMENTORS! I saw them too. The video is basically like harry potter, minus the sexual tension and british accents.

Emma: What do you mean you "saw them"? They're crucially important to the whole VIDEO.

Chelsea: You are a jerk. So what did you guys think of all the parts when everyone was just dancing and groovin and breakin it down? Unparalleled greatness?

Emma: Yes, but I didn't like the one girl with long hair and bangs. Why did she keep sitting in that chair?

Chelsea: Who cares. Do you guys think we should have a dance-off, like, right now?

Emma: I will win.

Chelsea: I’m already winning. You don’t even know. I am dancing RIGHT. NOW.

Emily: I will lose. I'll just be DJ.

Chelsea: I refuse to win a dance-off with music by "dj stomach." I will lose all my street cred.

Emma: Oh, right, because you have so much of that. (STREET CRED)

Chelsea: YOU DONT KNOW MY LIFE.

Emily: It's DJ Stomach. With 3 caps. I wish Janelle kicked more stuff off the table when she dances on it. It's just some papers. Probably some tax forms.

Chelsea: You don’t deserve 3 caps. I wish she kicked more stuff too, like some glasses full of orange juice. Or a mac laptop. Or you.

Emma: But what about the part where she dance-pretends to be on a tightrope, to match the lyrics? That part rules!

Chelsea: Awesome. Best part of any movie, ever. Including every part of the Shawshank Redemption and most parts of Harry Potter.

Emily: And then she ends up in the forest? That time? That was a good time.

Chelsea: Dementors do not equal a good time, Emily. Get your life right.

Emily Winter has left.

Emma: uh, ok, see you later, Emily * sobbing quietly *

Chelsea: yeah, THANKS FOR SAYING GOODBYE.

Emma Chastain has left.

Chelsea: What the—FINE. I’LL JUST DANCE BY MYSELF. This is just like 4^th grade.

Now it's up to you, Sparklers: should Chelsea Dagger grab the nearest megaphone and climb on top of her desk? What did you think of the vid?