The Cure for Faileritis

If you find yourself somewhat less than prepared for that upcoming test, don't panic. rosefan42 has your exit strategy. —SparkNotes editors

You've been there before: It's two days before a test and you know you have to study—but distraction ruins your plans. Before you know it, it's 9 a.m. on test day and you've spent the past two nights boning up on ways to deal with that pesky ex, the merits of Halloween candy vs. Easter candy, and why Owl City does (or doesn't) suck. Meanwhile, you've learned absolutely nothing about Calculus, the Civil War, or Shakespeare's presentation of Ophelia as a tragic heroine. Admit it: you've been there, done that, and gotten more bad grades than you'd like to remember. So the next time you find yourself in a  similar situation, remember that you have a few last-ditch options:



1) Osmosis

You sit. You look at the test paper. You look around the room. You look back at your test paper... hey, you kind of remember this diagram from class. And ohh, come to think of it, this question looks familiar. In fact, the teacher used it as a warm-up question last week! How lazy. How wrong. Hmmm... halfway down the page, you see another question from class and remember that the answer was blue. And you're sure the last one was 42. And there's an essay about your opinion on something—totally blag-able. Just turning up to class, as well as the ability to blag and spin, will earn you lots of marks. WARNING: Do NOT attempt while taking medication, experiencing a sugar rush, or suffering acute sleep-deprivation. Because now you come to think of it, this seems like the right answer, too.

2) The Multiple Choice

We already know that there are a gazillion ways to guess at multiple choices, but here's my favorite:

If there are four options, you can (almost) guarantee that they will be:
a)    The ridiculous FAIL.
b)    The conceivably right one...but it's still totally wrong.
c)    The one that is quite similar to the right one.
d)    The correct answer.

Example:  Who wrote The Catcher in the Rye?
a) J.D. Sports
b) Stephenie Meyer
c) Harper Lee
d) J.D. Salinger

You get the idea.

And this is the truth of multiple choice tests that teachers don't want you to know: The right answer always looks a bit like the ridiculous FAIL.

You are welcome.

3) The Daydream

Sing show tunes in your head. Try to recite Hamlet's "To be or not to be" speech. Watch that fly. Plan a fanfiction, a bake sale, or a SparkLife contribution. At some point, inspiration will strike.

4) Cheat

Hey, I'm not endorsing this. And I'm pretty sure the Sparkitors don't either (Sparkitor note: we don't.). BUT in an attempt to cheat, you may see one word that sparks an entire, ORIGINAL essay. But still...better not risk it.

5) Study

No, not beforehand. It's too late for that NOW. Maybe next time. No, what I meant was, study during the test. Don't actually focus on the questions. Just think to yourself, “Hmmm...what do I know about this?” and jot down some ideas. Then go to the questions and use them to trigger some more forgotten knowledge. THEN answer the questions.

6) Get Fancy

This tactic works best in English or History exams. Sound like a poncey Lit professor with hair growing out of his ears and you're halfway there. Oh, and throw in some quotes. If you only have ten minutes before the test to study, make sure you know “To be or not to be,” “Get thee to a nunnery,” and “Speak the speech I pray, you.” Or, y'know, the equivalent for whatever book your test is on.

7) 
Know Your Teacher

Some will award bonus marks for nice handwriting, others for referencing McGuiver and Broadway shows, others for drawing diagrams in pencil and with a ruler. Know their weaknesses—the instant triggers that can them say, “Hey, I like this kid!” and up your grade.

8) Use Associations

Movies, books and the internet are your best friend. If you can link a test on Fascist Germany to the Death Eaters, do it. If you can remember Shakespeare quotes because of Doctor Who, great. If you need Jack Black to remind you that 54 is 45 and 9, then by all means have a sing-a-long-a School of Rock in your head. Even reference it in your answer—but only briefly, in one or two sentences that lead into a valid point. Failing that, write an essay about your favorite TV show/book/movie/Dan post and make that teacher's day. You've got nothing to lose, right?

How do you overcome gross unpreparedness?

Related Post: Okay, So You Failed a Test, Now What?