The Three Types of Fangirls

By Contributor

May 6, 2010

ZOMGGGGGG!!!! WE ARE SOOOO ON TEAM crunchy_apples!!! If you're not, something bad will happen to you. REALLY. We're getting "crunchy apples" tattooed on our butt cheeks! WE ARE! —SparkNotes editors

We’ve all seen and encountered fangirls before. We all know that fangirls can be extremely dangerous—but how do we know which ones are the worst? For your convenience, I've grouped and described the three types of fangirls:

Type 1: The Semi-Fangirl

By far, this is the least dangerous type of fangirl. A semi-fangirl really likes something, but doesn't cover her locker and walk-in closet with pictures of that something. *shudder*

Type 2: The Standard Fangirl

She is quite dangerous. This predictable, but still-super-annoying, fangirl goes crazy every time the character/person that she's obsessed with is involved in a movie, featured in a magazine article, or mentioned on TMZ.

Sometimes a Standard Fangirl tries to pass as a Semi-Fangirl, either because she's embarrassed to be a Standard Fangirl, or because she realizes her obsession is particularly embarrassing (e.g. Teletubbies).

3. The Rabid Fangirl

This is the most dangerous type of fangirl of all. Avoid her at all costs.

A Rabid Fangirl has life-sized posters of the characters/obsession on her wall. She's the type who sleeps less than four hours a night so she can reread or re-watch her obsession. She is the type that, if away from her obsession for more than half an hour, goes crazy and hyperventilates.

Good examples of these people are Twilight Rabid Fangirls, or self-professed "Twihards." I think that's the dumbest nickname in the world. Anyway, Twihards can be identified very easily, just from their actions. For example, they might:

say, “Oh my gosh, Edward Cullen is sooo hot,” or “Jacob’s abs are so breathtaking, so awe-inspiring, so…" *swoons and faints*
plan to have a Gothic, Twilight-inspired wedding. (I don’t understand this. In what way is Twilight gothic?!)
have tattoos that say, “Team Edward,” “Team Jacob,” “You are my life now,” and other stuff like that. I mean, come on, what will their grandkids think when they’re old grannies with that crap on their bodies?
cover their boyfriend with glitter so he sparkles. (This is not a lie. Some people actually did this.)
wish they had a creepy, 109-year-old stalker boyfriend like Edward.
live by the motto “Bite me.”
stay inside all day in hope of achieving “vampire-like skin.”
Write R-rated fanfiction about Twilight characters.