Auntie SparkNotes: Stop Trying to Make "British" Happen! It's Not Going to Happen!

What do you do when your friend teases you about a country *you're not even from*? Auntie has the answers. —SparkNotes editors

Dear Auntie Sparknotes,

I have a friend that blames my every quirk on the fact that I am "British". I mention that I don't like flip-flops, she says, "oh well that's because she's British." I say that I hate eating with my fingers, she says " well that's only because you're British."

I don't like those things because they're gross, not because I'm "British". In fact, in reality, I'm not British. My parents are from Wales, and I was born in California. She calls me British because my family lived in England for a year on a work visa when I was 11. I had a recent conversation with her asking her to stop blaming everything on the fact that I'm British, here is how the conversation went. . .

me: "I'm not British. Could you please stop blaming the UK for my quirkiness?"
her: "You lived in Britain, you're British."
me: "I visited England,that doesn't make me British. You visited Mexico, does that make you Mexican?"
her: "Ha, no. I'm not Mexican. But could you stop trying to act all British and argue with me?"

(At this point I walked away in a huff.)

I'm pretty sure that arguing is not a specifically British trait. They wear flip flops and eat finger food in the UK too. But no matter how many times I point that out, she just goes, "Whatever. You're only saying that because you're British."

Is there any way to get her to stop blaming England that doesn't involve firearms or arsenic? She's driving me insane.

Geez, Sparkler, where's your sense of humor? Ohhh, right—you probably don't have one, because you're British.

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

...Okay, okay, I'm sorry. But d'you see what I did there? That's what you're up against. Don't kid yourself—your friend does not, in fact, think that all your quirks are attributable to your "British" status. She does, however, really enjoy pushing your buttons. And considering how perfectly you keep playing into her hands, I almost don't blame her... almost.

As for how to make her stop, unfortunately, your huffy reaction to what probably started as an innocuous joke has only made it more fun to keep trying to get a rise out of you; every time you get all "British" in response to her kidding around, you're just feeding the monster. And while it might be immature (okay, it's definitely immature), let's be honest, it can also be pretty entertaining to prey on someone's over-the-top reaction to some run-of-the-mill ribbing. (For an excellent example of this principle at work, please see this scene from The Princess Bride. "You promised you would never say that name!" "What name?...Humperdinck?!" "AAAAAAAGH!" "Humperdinck! Humperdinck! HUMPERDINCK!")

I understand that for the one being needled, this probably doesn't seem quite so funny. So, what now? Take the following steps to defuse the situation.

- Take your friend aside at a time when she's not ribbing you about your English roots and calmly say something like, "Look, I realize that I've been taking this whole 'British' thing a little too seriously, and I know you're just messing around, but it's starting to get old. Can you give it a rest?" (And if she says, "Quit being all British!," for the love of Pete, don't argue with her. Just roll your eyes, say, "Later," and exit.)

- If she persists, realize that a) she's just that kind of friend, and b) continue to offer no reaction whatsoever when she starts cracking "British." Take the fun out of making fun, and it won't be long until she starts looking for something better to do.

- And if she still won't stop? Well... something is wrong with her. But if you can't beat 'em, join 'em! Stake your own claim on her fun by affecting an accent, waving a tiny Union Jack, and responding to every accusation of British quirkery with a rousing rendition of "God Save the Queen." This joke wouldn't exist without you; you might as well make it your own.

...And try to laugh about this, just a little bit. (Please? For me?)

Got something to say? That's probably just because you're British... but leave it in the comments anyway. And to get in touch with Auntie, email your questions to advice@sparknotes.com or find her on Facebook.