As the school year winds down, seniors everywhere are waiting with bated breath for an answer to the most vital, life-changing, groundbreaking question of their academic careers:
WHO, among THEIR ENTIRE CLASS, will WIN THIS YEAR'S SENIOR SUPERLATIVES?!
Yes, Sparklers, the time of superlatives is upon us. And at high schools around the world, the competition is growing fiercer by the day as seniors yearn to know who will be forever immortalized on the pages of the yearbook as Most Talented, Best Looking, and Most Likely to Succeed. It's deadly serious business, and there can be but one winner, and... well... all right, there is one problem.
Your average senior superlatives are boring, banal, and woefully inadequate for honoring the myriad skills and talents of your class.
So today, your SparkNotes editors have created a better collection of superlatives—one that goes the extra mile, covers all the bases, and bestows honors far beyond the narrow socio-academic sphere of the average year-end awards. It's... THE COMPLETE LIST OF SENIOR SUPERLATIVES!
(The above is meant to be read in a booming, sci-fi radio play announcer sort of voice. If you failed to read it that way, please go back and do so now before continuing.)
First, let's do the awards honoring physical appearance. Of course, we'll have the usual: Best Looking, Best Dressed, Best Smile. But while we're here, we'll also be giving out awards for:
Best Left Buttcheek
Most Uneven Nostrils
Most Bacon-y Smelling Armpits
And now, the talent awards! Most Creative, Most Likely to Succeed, Most Intelligent, and Most Athletic, please collect your awards... and then make some room at the podium for:
Most Likely to Be Completely Mediocre
Best Clogger of Toilets
Most Likely to Spill Things That Cause an Indelible Stain
And finally, let's not forget those social awards. Now announcing the winners of...
Class *Evil* Clown
Class Evil Scientist
Most Likely to Make Out With a Hot Dog
Most Likely to Be Friendly to Your Face and Then Secretly Tell Everyone That You Made Out With a Hot Dog
Class Mob Boss
Most Socially Inept
The Edward Cullen Award for Sparkly Smugness
Did we miss anything? Tell us in the comments!
And p.s., have you voted for your favorite SparkNotes Yearbook Award finalists today?
Related post: Yearbook Superlatives: Losing to Someone Who Sucks