How to Upset the Internet

A debate is raging across the internet: Are video games art? The discussion began a few years ago, when Roger Ebert decreed that video games could never be art for various reasons, most of them dealing with the definition of the word art. This past month, the Pulitzer Prize-winning film critic restated his claim in an essay entitled Video Games Can Never Be Art. The video game community went nuts. Ebert was attacked for his statement in blog after blog, with writers calling him out of touch, old, and other things we can’t type without turning red with embarrassment.

Does Ebert truly believe that video games are not art? Probably. (Though anyone who has played Shadow of the Colossus knows that Mr. Ebert is Mr. Wrong.) But we think he really just enjoyed stirring things up, like a kid who throws a Frisbee at a beehive, or like us when we tell a dog, “Walk? Wanna go for a waaaaaalk? Who wants to go for a waaaalk?”

His strategy is this: First, make a bold claim that many people will disagree with. Second, stand by that claim vehemently, and if someone argues against your claim, even if they have interesting points, thoughtlessly toss them aside and continue shouting your original claim. Third, enjoy being the bad guy. Bad guys attract more readers than good guys. And lastly, repeatedly write your claim in numerous tweets.

We want to be like our friend Roger. But we’re not simply going to publish one wacky idea. We’ve got 25 controversial statements! Watch out, folks. Our interweb is ‘bout to ‘splode!

1. Cats are really dumb and ugly.

2. People named Brian are all murderers and thieves.

3. The letter Q isn’t a letter. It’s a number.

4. Women are lousy at tic-tac-toe.

5. Men are lousy at finding Easter eggs.

6. Avatar wasn’t that good.

7. Everyone in Idaho has stupid hair.

8. Soap is useless.

9. All birds should be killed.

10. Radiohead sucks.

11. Glee is kind of boring.

12. Yams are the best root vegetable of all time!

13. The color aquamarine should be outlawed.

14. Megan Fox should win an Academy Award.

15. Something about religion!

16. Superman could destroy Harry Potter.

17. Superman could destroy Luke Skywalker.

18. The Silver Surfer could destroy Superman.

19. The pizza shop on our block has the best pizza in the entire world!

20. You’re wrong about which car you think is good.

21. All babies should be named Sophia or Lou.

22. Recycling is for suckers.

23. Robots are better than zombies.

24. The president should do something!

25. The sky is green.

How will you enrage the internet?

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