A Tour of Mount Olympus
As a high schooler, this ed always got her Greek gods mixed up. Apparently, all she needed was Narnian_Nymph. —SparkNotes editors
Welcome to Mount Olympus! My name is Chloe and I will be your tour guild. There are 12 top gods and goddesses who live here, and you will be able to see them all, plus a few bonuses! (You should feel special.)
Here is Zeus, the grand ruler of all Greek gods and the god of the sky and lightning bolts. Once in a while he goes down to earth in disguises to seduce maidens who catch his fancy (naughty, naughty). He is married to Hera and had a honeymoon that lasted 300 years. She’s one of the most beautiful goddess and is the perfect mother figure: caring and loving. She spends a lot of her time chasing off Zeus’ girlfriends and sometimes tormenting their offspring, one of whom is Hercules.
Then there’s Poseidon, Zeus’ brother and Ariel’s father. God of the sea, he made horses out of sea foam and created earthquakes (tsk,tsk).
Moving on. On your right, you'll see flowers and hearts. Maybe you're remembering crushes of the past. This is because we're passing Aphrodite’s lust-filled lair. She's married to Hephaestus, who is lame and grotesque, and she has two love bugs (kids). One’s the infamous, diaper-wearing Cupid. He has a bow because his father is the lord of forgery (blacksmithing) and couldn’t resist making one for his kid.
Here we have my favorite twins, Apollo and Artemis. Apollo is awesome; he is the god of music, health, light and truth. Archery and bows are his specialty, and he's chummy with the sun. He’s the best-looking deity and super smart. Best part: he's SINGLE!! Artemis, unlike her (hot) brother, is the moon’s buddy. She’s the goddess of hunting, wild life, dew, and virginity (yah, she’s single, too).
Ares and Athena are brother and sister, but couldn’t be more different. Ares is the most violent of all gods. He’s the one you call up to do your dirty work. A bloodthirsty mischief-maker, it’s no surprise he has no friends. He has a major crush on Aphrodite. Athena is a sophisticated, reasoning, intelligent (she the goddess of wisdom) woman who gives advice to mortals who are in trouble. The catch? You’ve got to be smart for her to notice you. Zeus swallowed her mother Metis while she was pregnant with Athena 'cause of some prophecy of doom. Athena was born from the forehead of her father…..weird.
Okay, let's move this tour along...
Zeus’ calm sister, Demeter, is the goddess of fertility, grain, agriculture and harvest. And yet, many consider her to be the goddess of creativity; go figure. Another one of his sisters is the kind, warm goddess Hestia, who rules homes and hearths.
Dionysus is the god of fun, enjoyment, and merry-ness (bet he likes Christmas). He’s always either hungover or drunk because he rules over wine, parties, festivals, and alcohol. He doesn’t live on Mt. Olympia like the others.
Dionysus’ buddy is Hermes. Hermes is the god of hives (??), mischief, and travelers. Famous for his winged boots, he can be a great person to have around on April Fools.
Last but not least, is the dark, deceptive, gloomy, rich, and cynical Hades! Come back! He doesn’t live here; he lives in the underworld with Cerberus, a three-headed dog. (In Harry Potter it’s called "Fluffy"). Zeus promised Demeter’s daughter to him and forgot to tell his sister he was giving her daughter away. He kidnapped the poor girl, Persephone. (Note: If a bearded, evil-looking man pops out of the ground, it probably means he’s here to kidnap you and make you the Queen of the underworld.) Now Persephone spends one third of the year with Hades, one third as Zeus’ handmaiden, and the rest of the year with her mom.
Well, that’s that! This gods and goddess have their temples, gifts, monuments, and twisted ways with dealing with things (See Athena’s story above). Whether it's a time of love or war, peace or violence, in Troy or in Greece, these gods have been through it all.
Come back for another tour soon! I'm sure a lot will have changed...
Who's your favorite god or goddess?
Related Post: We're Not Playing God, Here
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