We've been hearing about an impending Taylor Swift backlash. We think it starts here, with Sparkler Runxbabyxrun. —SparkNotes editors
If you ever turn on the radio, you really can't avoid sappy love songs. Here are some songs that you should never listen to when you are a) unhappily single b) getting over a breakup c) hopelessly crushing and incapable of getting over it, or d) a depressing combination of a and c.
1) "Can't Take my Eyes Off You" by Lady Antebellum. This song is beautiful. And that's what makes it suck. Honestly, who wants to look up at their ceiling, late at night, listening to two gorgeous voices explain how much they love each other? Words like "So lay here beside me, just hold me and don't let go" while you're lying there, alone, is not only gag-worthy, but tear-worthy.
2) "Need You Now" by Lady Antebellum. This group can really push those tear ducts. Group B especially should beware this song, as it may compel you to call your ex and beg her to take you back. Seriously, Group B, don't listen to this if you value that tiny, inconsequential thing called dignity.
3) "Tonight I Wanna Cry" by Keith Urban. For the exact same reason Group B should never listen to Lady Antebellum, they should never listen to Keith Urban, especially his sadder songs. Even the title is enough to make you bawl, plus the fact that he is such a good singer. If you must listen to Keith Urban (Or Kurban, as I like to call him) make sure to sing very loudly and off key. That's right, Group B, bring some comedy to that tearjerker.
4) Anything from a Disney movie. This includes classics such as "You'll Be in My Heart" from the movie with the scantily clad apeman, "A Whole New World" from the puppy-eyed Aladdin, *anything* from High School Musical, or the ballad version of "What Dreams Are Made Of" from the Lizzie McGuire movie (a movie that does. Not. Make. Sense. At all. Seriously, someone explain how the plot of that movie is even possible. Since when do 8th graders go on class trips to Rome?!).
Now matter how peppy a Disney song is, you will cry if you listen to it while going through a rough time in relationships. If you must, block Disney channel from your TV, and do not even dare to pull out those classic VHS's. These songs must be avoided at all costs. Trust me, you lovesick puppies, it's for your own good.
5) "All Again For You" by We the Kings. This song is the musical embodiment of the destructive relationship. If it reminds you of your own relationship, at all, you need to get some help. I mean it. This is a song about abuse!
6) "You and Me" by Lifehouse. Do I really need to explain this? Just don't listen to it.
7) Anything by Taylor Swift. That girl wears her annoyingly lovesick heart on her sleeve. And she's wearing sleeves every time she sings. The happy songs will make you cry, the sad songs will make you cry. At her concert, you will be crying. Hear her on the radio, you will cry. Just don't listen to her. "Teardrops on my Guitar," "White Horse," "You Belong With Me" (which is terribly overplayed anyway), just avoid them all.
8) Anything Country. Maybe it's the banjo, maybe it's the way the singers (*cough* Taylor Swift) pour their souls into their voices. But I'm pretty sure no one should listen to country when they're upset about something, because country will invariably make it worse.
What songs do you hate to hear when you're going through a breakup?
Related Post: The Breakup Playlist
Wanna write for SparkLife? Send your submission and nickname to email@example.com for consideration.