Basic Skills Every Teen Needs to Know

By Contributor

April 19, 2010

helloimamac is so wise, especially on the topic of slang. When this ed was 13, she said "niner" at least once in every sentence, even though she had no idea what it meant. *shakes head and crawls in a dark corner* —Embarrassed SparkNotes editors

Once you become a teenager, there is certain knowledge you must have. Whether you’re nearly 13 or 19, you’re going to need to know the following crucial info:

1. Knowledge of all things cellular

This is a big one. Every teen should and must know about cell phones. That means the difference between sliders, flips, QWERTY keyboards, iPhone vs. Android, and what 3G stands for. T9 skills are a must for those of you stuck in the dinosaur age of non-QWERTY phones. Keep up with the names too, or else you will look pretty weird when you check out someone’s ever-popular enV and say “What kind of phone is this?”

Hint: Check around cell companies’ web sites to keep up to date on the latest technology.

2. Knowledge of ripping, burning, and anything that has to do with DVDs, mp3s, iPods, and iTunes

Most teens enjoy listening to music… All. The. Time. The average teen has 800 illegal music tracks on his iPod, so he should probably know how to rip, burn, shred, and even filet (just kidding) music, CDs, and DVDs. Also, to survive in today’s world, you must know how to work an iPod and iTunes, which is a given for most people. Knowledge of iPod models is recommended as well. (It’s an iPod touch, people, not an iTouch!)

Hint: There are some great guides on how to rip your own DVDs (only rip your own for personal use!) and burn CDs online.

3. Basic Guitar Hero Skills

Whenever a party gets awkward, there’s always a great way to turn things around: Guitar Hero! Whip out the GHero and partiers will be rocking away. Rock Band can also be used for this. Every teen should have some sort of Guitar Hero ability for social events, preferably an ability to play on “medium.” Even if you don’t own the game, it’s a good idea to brush up on your skills at a best friend's house every now and then so you can impress people at parties.

Hint: Try not to get hurt like this guy.

4. How to Use SparkNotes to Pass a Test

Ah, yes, Sparklers, we all know our beloved SparkNotes has come to our rescue so many, many times. Whether you need an in-depth analysis, or just a brief overview of Lord of the Flies for that AP Lit test tomorrow, it's always a good idea to refresh your knowledge on Ralph, Jack, Simon, and Piggy.

Hint: Make use of the quiz section! It helps you review so much.

5. Discreetly Text In Class

Yes, it’s bad to text in class. Yes, you could get your phone taken away. Yes, it distracts you and others from the lesson… but sometimes it’s necessary! Every teen should know how to text in class without getting caught. There are many ways to do this, such as using a hoodie kangaroo pocket, going under the desk, or “digging” through your bag. This page is particularly helpful. Then, after you’ve missed the lesson on symbolism in Animal Farm, check out the SparkNotes page on it! :D

Note: I do not, necessarily, endorse texting in class, nor does SparkNotes.

Hint: Thick lab tables in science classrooms are usually optimal for texting. If you’re really determined, try practicing in a study hall, where you won’t get in (as much) trouble if you’re caught.

6. (Sub)Urban Slang

Slang is everywhere—school, Facebook, the mall, everywhere. Chances are, though, as “urban” as this slang may sound, it’s probably only used in suburbia, hence the term “suburban slang.” You don’t want to look stupid asking “What does that mean?” in front of that totally awesome upperclassman. You have a couple of options:
a) If you don't know what something means, ask a friend. Your friend will probably laugh at you, but at least you will find the meaning.
b) Use urbandictionary.com. Urban Dictionary (generally) has the best definitions for slang terms. Some can get pretty funny and ridiculous, too!

Hint: If a slang word sounds too weird to be used, or you haven't heard it often, please, please, PLEASE don't say it. You will probably just get weird looks from your classmates.

7. Flirting

Oh, flirting. The hardest part of being a teen. There are many ways to flirt, but most will just make you feel extremely awkward. Thankfully, there are tons of guides and how-tos out there, like this one by SparkNotes’s own Auntie SparkNotes!

Hint: Get all the advice you can get, because flirting is, based on many people’s experiences, the hardest thing to learn. But be natural too!

8. Local Legends

Local legends always come up in conversations. They range from the kid who proposed in a tux to the crabby old cafeteria lady, to the kid who put a cow on the top floor of the building, to the crazy homeless guy who lives behind the bagel shop. They can help you make jokes and have an awesome conversation. Plus, they’re great for making underclassmen nervous: Hey, freshman, have you ever seen the pool on the fourth floor? Mwahaha!

Hint: Don’t believe every legend. That one about the kid who let a cage of birds loose in the school? Probably false.

How many of these basic skills have you mastered?