College Rejection Revenge Letters: A Big No No, with Pineapples!

You've heard back from all the colleges you applied to...except one. And it's the one. Then, finally, you come home and see an envelope on the kitchen table. "Oh no," you think. "It's a regular envelope, not a big package."

You tear the letter open and read the first line: "We regret to inform you..." You start breathing heavy, your teeth tingle, and suddenly, you can't even remember what fresh baked cookies smell like. NOOOOO!

In your rage, you decide it is a good idea to write to this dream college and tell the admissions committee what an awful mistake it's made.

WE MUST WARN YOU: The rejection revenge letter is a terrible idea. Not only will you say things you don't mean, but your anger may actually hinder your ability to convey ideas in a coherent manner. Don't believe us? Check out this revenge letter we composed to our former dream college. It's not pretty:

To whom it may concern and such as...
OMG, thank you soooo much for sending me a piece of mail! I wait all the time for the mean, horrible mailman (I'm not even PC! BAM!) to bring me les lettres and finally, it shows up. I was like, for shiz, this is gonna be the biz-bomb, ya' know? And guess what—do you hear me dude who's sitting in a cubicle whining about your stapler when you should be reading this letter? Pay attention, por favor—GUESS WHAT??? IT WAS THE BIZ-BOMB!! Yeah, because BEFORE I got my REJECTION LETTER from your skoolio, there were stars in my eyes and my judgment was all cloudy and now I'm seeing straight down the road of the future and it looks like pineapples!!!!! Yummy pineapples. That's right, I'm moving to Hawaii and I'm going to surf all day and not wear a watch. BOOM! Or wait, BAM! Time? Who cares about time? I have all the time in the universal space. Really, I do. I put time inside my sock and stuffed it under my mattress for a rainy day. And today, TODAY IS MY RAINY DAY! That's all I have to say.

Your former-favorite-fan who wants to punch a puppy—that's right, I WANT TO PUNCH A PUPPY!

Uh! Buh-bye,

Me

Are you still waiting to hear from any colleges? Have you gotten any rejection letters? How did you react?

Related Post: Creative Uses for Your College Rejection Letter