Ways To Salvage the Worst Day Ever
Everyone has had some kind of Worst Day Ever, when the day progresses from "bad" to "a ridiculous farce wherein you are obviously someone's comic relief." You wake up determined to make the most of some dreary Tuesday, but before you know it you're sleepily trying to eat your socks and put your feet in your breakfast.
Now, smelling like omelettes and tasting socks, you stumble out groggily into the rain, but while lurching toward the bus stop, you realize you've forgotten 1) an umbrella, and 2) to close your backpack, making you the proud owner of a gallon of rainwater and a pile of soggy, illegible textbooks. You finally get to school, wondering how things can possibly get any worse. Then you stop wondering...because they do.
But wait! You can turn any horrible day around, with nothing but simple grumbly revenge fantasies cheerfulness! Here's how:
1) Hunt through your surviving possessions for pictures of happy puppies, or, better yet, some actual puppies that have just somehow wound up in there.
2) Find someone to hug. If everyone you know looks grouchy, just stuff a coat full of other coats and hug that. Do not ever let anyone see you doing this.
4) Perform a random act of kindness, such as constantly humming a song you think everyone will like, or eating some guy's lunch if he wasn't really feeling it.
5) Picture an elevator on the 30th floor. Breathe deeply as the elevator slowly descends, floor after floor, its numbers ticking away. This is a Psychology Thing that's supposed to relax you, because maybe the elevator is magic or something? We're not really sure.
6) Picture a psychologist giving you smarmy, ineffective advice as you throw pie after pie right into his face.
7) Draw and complete an incredibly easy maze. You are now literally the best person in the world at completing this maze. Feels good to be the best at something, no?
8) Write your memoirs, starting in the future and working backwards. Begin with the part where you're the president of a solid gold planet.
9) Look out the window at beautiful, glittering nature in all her glory. If it's still dreary and gross outside, mentally pave over stupid nature with a beautiful, glittering jungle full of animals who are all vegetarians and love each other.
10) You know who else had a bunch of bad days in high school? That's right: Einstein. So basically you just need to invent relativity and you're set.
11) Remember that, all things considered, today is way better than it might have been. For instance, you could have forgotten to wear pants.
12) Disregard #11 if you now realize you've forgotten to wear pants.
13) Consider this: we live in a world where strangers go out of their way to keep anonymous cute robots from wandering into traffic, lest they get hurt. So no matter how bad any given day is, this is a pretty awesome world.
What do you do when you're having the worst day ever?
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